Venting Always a place Holder

[UnartisticArtist]

I haven't posted anything here before, but i feel so pathetic.

My social life is as interesting as a plain piece of bread. I have one solid friend, but Apart from that each potential friendship is just me being a place holder until someone better comes by.
It is my fault too, because i'm anxious easily and take a very very long time to be comfortable enough to start being able to share or show personal feelings. Even with the one friend, we have been friends for 6 years by now and they just barely are aware of my struggles.

I feel stupid whenever i remember how someone would try to talk to me but id feel too anxious to be casual and appealing. It takes a long time for me to feel like i can be "casual" around somebody, by which point the person i'm talking to has already found someone else to be friends with.

When i'm sadder than usual i just want someone to talk about it with but i'm so very nervous about someone having personal and sensetive information about me. I dread the vulnerablity i yearn for

 

[Redacted24]

Welcome, and so very sorry you found this site.
I think you'll find that there are a lot of really amazing people gracing these pages. Smart, creative, gifted people that are all dealing with big problems.

And I've found it to be very comforting to discuss thoughts honestly and openly here with others that have almost universally been kind and supportive.

And there's resources and information, for however you choose to make of it.

I came here to research methods for an early exit but am now trying to keep going. And I've made a few friends here. That's helped. A lot.

Hope to see you posting more, and don't be shy. You are among friends here.

 

[Gamelle]

Have you thought about working with a therapist to build social skills? I know therapy isn't free, but it can be a huge help if you can afford it. If you're in a large city, sometimes there are support groups for people with social anxiety that can help you get in a group in practice in a low pressure setting.

I struggled with bad social anxiety for years. I also had very few friends and was the "filler friend." I started reading books on conservation skills so I could have some "rules" to fall back on in conversations. Then I just started practicing. I got a TON of rejection at first, but it gradually got better. It helps to join a group focused on doing something- kickball, run club. So you don't feel as pressured to talk about random things because you can talk about the activity. I started doing that and I have a lot of friends now. I'm still suicidal, but that was never about my social life lol.

Also, PLEASE DON'T THINK I'M MAKING ASSUMPTIONS, but I know when I'm depressed I struggle with hygiene, so I just like to give a little tip because you never know who is reading this. Make sure your hair is combed, teeth are brushed and breath smells pleasant, make sure you're thoroughly showered and it helps to wear just a little cologne/perfume. People like pleasant smells and it tends to make them warm up to a person sooner. Don't go overboard and be careful to try and by something that's less likely to trigger allergies. You don't want to leave a trail, you just want people to catch a slight whiff of good fragrance when they're very close to you.