Alone

[okkkk]

For those that are truly alone what do we live for. I am more aware than ever that I dont love anything, and thats what causes me to ache the most. I am so stuck. I am so afraid. Everything In my life is melting away. Its so dark in my small corner of the world. I have no where else to go so im here. What do I do with this burning in my chest? I want to extinguish it, and I want to extinguish myself. I ache

 

[meaningisgone]

i relate very well to this.

 

[throwaway123]

For those that are truly alone what do we live for. I am more aware than ever that I dont love anything, and thats what causes me to ache the most. I am so stuck. I am so afraid. Everything In my life is melting away. Its so dark in my small corner of the world. I have no where else to go so im here. What do I do with this burning in my chest? I want to extinguish it, and I want to extinguish myself. I ache

strange I also feel that burning in my chest.

 

[a_strange_day]

once you cant cope anymore, once you haven't anything left to lose and total acceptance is there then the burning will slowly go away until you just feel nothing at all.
I'm saying that because I've been where you are now, I spent 2 decades alone with this burning feeling, refusing to give up and doing everything I could to just get through the day. it destroyed me little by little until even my body stopped fonctionning correctly.

now I spend my days eating/sleeping/watching shit on TV just to get through the day, but the burning feeling is gone, anxiety and depression are still there but just like a background noise the good days.

 

[reveriewong]

Is there anything that you like? Anything you draw meaning from? Anything that, even momentarily, takes away that ache from your heart?

 

[Xaphous]

I'm alone to the scale of 0/conversations a month for countless years. It's not like I had much past the bare minimum before that either. You have to be 90 and in a care home to get any understanding from anyone if you are in that position.

 

[Morphinekiss]

I can usually push off those feelings until I'm alone in bed trying to sleep. It's been years since my fiancé left me and I'm still not used to sleeping alone.

 

[Kassender]

I don't know.
I guess i've been looking for an answer to this question myself.

Because where i am now, it's a resounding 'i can't'.
I can't live without other people in my life, but all I seem to do is repel others, willingly or not.

Ive come to hate summer because it reminds me of my high school/college years.
Sure, I wasn't the most popular, i wasn't invited to everything but i still had great moments with awesome people who have all disappeared from my life.

I really feel completely alone. The consensus seems to be that you have to love and live for yourself.
But I don't know how.
I don't know how it's possible to love myself when people i have felt nothing but love for never cared that much about me in the first place.

I'm sorry i'm not helping.

 

[oopswronglife]

We live for the hope, no matter how subconscious, that it can get better and all of this will be like when you are super sick with a flu and vomiting and miserable and everything sucks, but when you recover you feel like a new person. Eventually, for some, things get so bad that hope just isn't enough anymore.

 

[Quinlor]

strange I also feel that burning in my chest.

I my worst moments felt that way too and I only thought about stab my chest to stopped the pain in my fucking heart!

 

[shelledone]

For those that are truly alone what do we live for. I am more aware than ever that I dont love anything, and thats what causes me to ache the most. I am so stuck. I am so afraid. Everything In my life is melting away. Its so dark in my small corner of the world. I have no where else to go so im here. What do I do with this burning in my chest? I want to extinguish it, and I want to extinguish myself. I ache

I think I also relate to this.. No one is attached to me, and I am attached to nothing. For me it's a pit in my chest, the gnawing certainty that my time is about up, that I will never again have a light heart. I really wonder why the heck am I here, why did I stay so long? I'm being ejected from this existence.

 

[okkkk]

I think I also relate to this.. No one is attached to me, and I am attached to nothing. For me it's a pit in my chest, the gnawing certainty that my time is about up, that I will never again have a light heart. I really wonder why the heck am I here, why did I stay so long? I'm being ejected from this existence.

I just want quality people in my life. Life is entirely about people thats it. Nothing else at all matters. I want that mutual gain you get from being with someone who enjoys being with you. it weighs so heavy in my head.

 

[blanketyblk]

I can usually push off those feelings until I'm alone in bed trying to sleep. It's been years since my fiancé left me and I'm still not used to sleeping alone.

god i know this feeling. nothing like missing that lump beside you in bed.. to me it's the sounds and smells that i miss the most. rolling over and smelling their hair. just something so humanizing about it. or there little snores as they sleep. their little idiosyncrasies when they sleep. you take these for granted when they are around. but god does it hurt when you remember them and they are gone.

I think I also relate to this.. No one is attached to me, and I am attached to nothing. For me it's a pit in my chest, the gnawing certainty that my time is about up, that I will never again have a light heart. I really wonder why the heck am I here, why did I stay so long? I'm being ejected from this existence.

yes. yes and yes. living life without any attachments is not really living. feel more like being a ghost drifitng though the world than a human being.

I just want quality people in my life. Life is entirely about people thats it. Nothing else at all matters. I want that mutual gain you get from being with someone who enjoys being with you. it weighs so heavy in my head.

yes. so true.. hugs!

 

[Midnight]

It's the bane of my existence. It'll be the end of it aswell.

Alone as in no SO. I have family/"friends?"/coworkers but couldn't feel more lonely. Mornings,evenings and nights just kill me. The other shit in my life i could live with, the loneliness however i cannot.

I relate very well to all the above posts.

There's people arround who can really function and not be depressed about spending their lives alone. (I know such a person who just deals with it and doesn't care much if at all about it.)

To me however it's like i'm starving ... Starved for companionship/passion/etc. My mind will soon starve to death and take my body with it so to speak.

 

[okkkk]

It's the bane of my existence. It'll be the end of it aswell.

Alone as in no SO. I have family/"friends?"/coworkers but couldn't feel more lonely. Mornings,evenings and nights just kill me. The other shit in my life i could live with, the loneliness however i cannot.

I relate very well to all the above posts.

There's people arround who can really function and not be depressed about spending their lives alone. (I know such a person who just deals with it and doesn't care much if at all about it.)

To me however it's like i'm starving ... Starved for companionship/passion/etc. My mind will soon starve to death and take my body with it so to speak.

loniness just means you arent receiving a type of intimacy that you need. There isnt a standardized qota of specific relationships that could satisfy every human. No such thing exists.

 

[Done at Fifty]

With time I don't feel lonely anymore. I came to a breaking point where I thought it easier to accept that I'll always be alone and its given me a little bit of peace.

 

[GinaIsReady]

I didn't notice the burning in my chest until I read this thread.

 

[Beautifulletdown]

I hope to kill enough of feeling lonely and alone or want any type of connection. I think those things are useless and disappointing.

 

[kappa]

I mean there is nothing to live for. I don't have family or friends, work mainly alone. So in one way feels like no point, but at the same time I don't want to live for other people either.

Just coasting through a sleep deprived life. Suicide may seem simple but your body is stronger than you think. Survival instinct. Fear rules everything.

 

[Dawn0071111]

Wow, I could have written that post. Perfectly describes the state that I have been in since the trauma of last summer...... Its a HORRIFIC feeling.... I believe this feeling comes from being deeply wounded. I'm not sure what the original cause of your soul crushing pain, but I know is beyond words.... Its ok be be where you are... that feeling is legitimate. Not being ABLE to love, or at least feeling like we can't, I agree is the most painful at all..... I am there with you on this. I used to think my pain came from no one loving me, but thats not true, I just never developed a complete ability to love I suppose.... whatever the reason...... the ache, the agony...the very real and tangible pain would drive anyone to seek an end to it..... I wish I could take it away from you. That you could wake up and it , like a bad dream just be gone.... no more suffering....... But in your suffering what I can say, is..... your not the only one, your not alone..... its perfectly fine to be where you are......

a million warms huggs to you

 

[scorpiooo2]

I hope it gets better for you.

 

[JimFord99]

For those that are truly alone what do we live for. I am more aware than ever that I dont love anything, and thats what causes me to ache the most. I am so stuck. I am so afraid. Everything In my life is melting away. Its so dark in my small corner of the world. I have no where else to go so im here. What do I do with this burning in my chest? I want to extinguish it, and I want to extinguish myself. I ache

Try not to melt away. Don't be afraid. Here, at SSF there are people who listen, comfort and help.

 

[RobynHood]

This is the opposite for me. I love many things, but they are kind of unique. I don't have anyone to share my interests with. I grew up differently, and that's okay. A part of me wants to believe that I'll find someone out there who enjoys the same things, someday.
A lot of my relationships are a bit strange, it's hard for me to make friends. Eventually, some people grow kind of possessive towards me or they want something more out of the relationship. It could just be my behavior that I won't ever understand.
Sometimes I wish I grew up differently and was able to conform with society more. So I just wait and hope that I find the right people to be around.

 

[JimFord99]

It is OK, I understand.

 

[woxihuanni]

To everybody who misses the lump in the bed. Yes, that's when everything inside your body seems to claw to get out of there, and the heart goes arhythmic.