f1lth
fleabag
- Jul 9, 2023
- 66
my dog is sick and i believe his death will be the catalyst to my parents falling out with eachother. Its very painful to see them fight over our dog when all i want is for them to be there for eachother through this. Im not super comfortable crying or being emotional in front of them, so ive been dealing with this grief alone. It pains me that we're going through it alone, even though they could be going through it together. Maybe in a different life. I believe this will destroy them, and theyre already fragile people. My heart hurts for all of us. I dont want to go through this alone, and i want my parents to be able to recover from this, i know they wont. I cannot kill myself, it would destroy them even more. I am trapped. I know a lot of people say to not feel bad, its not your problem once youre dead but i cant agree. My mom is not anti-suicide in the slightest, but the grief of your child killing themselves is an unimaginable pain, especially after losing a pet so dear to you. She would want to save me and its not her fault she cant, they would both want to save me. I cant do that to them. I find myself wishing for an accident to happen so i can die, and it would maybe hurt less and feel less of a failure on their part, but i know it would still destroy them. It is so unfair.
