Almost a year on this forum and still haven't ctb

[LastDayOnEarth]

It will happen eventually of course but time really does move fast

 

[RiftbornVeil]

Indeed, time flies.

I've been planning to CTB for around six or so months myself (though of course I've thought about it for years longer). I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope we find peace through whatever choice we make

 

[AndrewWood'sDeath]

I have been on and off this forum for brief periods for years and other than some attempts as a very young child and a serious attempt at 18 where I had to have my stomach pumped and was intubated and hospitalized for some time (hemlock) I have no intentions of killing myself because I have duties and obligations to people but I still think about it CONSTANTLY and would prefer to be dead at literally any waking moment of my life. I mean I'm actually a fairly positive person in that I try to live my life the best I can and do the most I can for others despite the cards I hold since I am going to stay alive but even in my happiest moment I think in my head "well but I would still rather not exist" for a multitude of reasons that are of course pretty much the same as every other person who wants to kill themself.

I come on here because I do believe life should be a choice, I wish I could kill myself without ruining a certain person's life who is very emotionally fragile, and I just can rarely connect with anyone else except people who would also rather be dead and I'm mostly a solitary person and okay with it but every so often I just get too lonely.

All I'm saying is I'm not even on here much but I know some people are and I hope you don't feel like you need to lose a community if you decide not to CTB, or feel like there is a time limit in being here.

 

[violetforever]

I hope you don't feel like you need to lose a community if you decide not to CTB, or feel like there is a time limit in being here.

exactly well said.

ive only been on here for a little over 50 days but me being suicidal goes so much farther back. all that time i couldve killed myself between the moment my suicidal thoughts began (11) until now (24) and i havent yet. i think it was fate that i somehow found this website after all my years of struggling. now that im here, it has given me some relief. i will take my time to decide on a method and make sure it works. i dont feel in a rush if i know ill be able to approach ctb with certainty. its literally life or death. i dont think anyone here takes that lightly and we are all understanding of individuality. i never differentiated the severity between people who joined before or after me, just that we are all facing the same problem.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Don't feel too bad, look at the date I joined the forum. I've been on and off for ages now. Though, I've typically been passively suicidal versus actively. Besides, nobody judges people for being here for a while. This is a decent community and CTB is a hard and irreversible decision, so it's best not to rush it.

 

[Iwashereonce]

I'm here since 2019 don't worry

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

It will happen eventually of course but time really does move fast

yeah time flies so much faster than anyone realizes

to me another reason why the fleeting meaningless pleasure addictions, anything they say is so valuable important good , and life all don't matter

however I don't want to suffer even 3 seconds or a second of the worst pain so avoiding unbearable pain does matter to me

 

[slowlydying2mrrw]

It will happen eventually of course but time really does move fast

Then before you know it, we are already dead before we got to finishing the job ourselves

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm pushing 4 years here, and I'm still around. I should have been gone already, but things are taking longer than expected.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

It depends on your thought process. I'm pushing 4 years myself, had a half-ass attempt fall 2022 and I'm still here. Looking back, I should've went with it. This world is going to hell faster than you think. No second of perceived "pleasure" in this world is worth the years of slow decay and misery. Nowadays I'm too heavily medicated to feel anything at all. Just a shell, an emotionless caricature of a human. If you ever think that things will improve, heh, my friend, that's a silly mistake that prevented me from doing the right thing when the opportunity was available. That's only in your head. It never "gets better"

 

[lpdsvm]

I used this website to look for as many methods as I could 'hugging' my SN before this account was created. It was more than a year ago I think. Nothing changed. I created it because it could be time to CTB maybe not yet.
I think I will CTB before 2027 maybe 2029. Maybe in a few months. It so depends. - Taking my time.

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

Useless life continues to win. And there's nothing to rebel against. I'm here because I can't overcome an indifferent device that arose in the same way everything else exists: by chance. What will happen? It doesn't matter much because we'll be eliminated anyway. Those who still see some meaning or feel some pleasure in being alive will resign themselves to this while waiting for the process to take care of the disposal. Those who feel nothing anymore drag themselves through each day between thoughts of overcoming this mechanism and the imposition of being alive. I come here at certain times to feel more connected to some reality. I wait in vain for some "method" that will be good enough that even the system can't stop it. And the damned life goes on, indifferent to everything.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I'm here since 2019 don't worry

That's when I first came. Left until 2024, had a religious awakening and quit, back a year later in late 2025. Been posting here most of the day ever since.