YukiFox
Pastel demon
- Dec 8, 2018
- 320
Hi community.
There's like a roller coaster my path here on the forum. Firstly, I started as dizzy person who wanted answers about why people choose to end their lives since one of my closest friends passed away from that way.
Secondly, around end of January I admit that I want to CTB too, that I'm not try to cope my mourn with chit chat with random people here,since my teen years I thinked about passing away from my own hands. My depression was there and will be always with me, and I tried to handle it with shitty jobs who distracted me tom you death thoughts.
in april I had an attempt, my only one. I tried partial with an improper ligature and hook point and only felt a heart rush and blurry vision, but I couldn't get unconscious. That days prior and after my attempt were my miserable ones.
Finally, I started to fit the puzzle pieces on my mind and I realized that I was trying to end all the masculine persona from me, and not looking a definite death. So yes, I realized that I'm having gender dysphoria. Since I admitted and embrace the my desire of a change I started 5o feel less miserable, since my wish to live as a trans woman became my new hope. Sure, I'm still have problems, I still feeling depressed, I'm still legally and socially a male, but in my personality and in my inner self I started to be Agatha.
I'm 100% free of suicidal ideations? No, of course not. Today I consider a rightful way to pass this existence (Since I believe, as a witch, that we have multiple dimensions, spiritually and physically). Perhaps I'm not deciding to CTB tomorrow, but I choose one day I will no have any remorse to leave this world.
I only want Finish my transition (I got a medical plan recently and I'll make an appointment with a doctor to get my hormone therapy as soon as possible) to handle my existence less miserable as it was when I was a depressed, hopeless male. I was aiming to the wrong side.
If there is another trans sisters here with similar stories or thoughts, let me know. Also I want to hear trans bros too.
Hugs and kisses, community.
There's like a roller coaster my path here on the forum. Firstly, I started as dizzy person who wanted answers about why people choose to end their lives since one of my closest friends passed away from that way.
Secondly, around end of January I admit that I want to CTB too, that I'm not try to cope my mourn with chit chat with random people here,since my teen years I thinked about passing away from my own hands. My depression was there and will be always with me, and I tried to handle it with shitty jobs who distracted me tom you death thoughts.
in april I had an attempt, my only one. I tried partial with an improper ligature and hook point and only felt a heart rush and blurry vision, but I couldn't get unconscious. That days prior and after my attempt were my miserable ones.
Finally, I started to fit the puzzle pieces on my mind and I realized that I was trying to end all the masculine persona from me, and not looking a definite death. So yes, I realized that I'm having gender dysphoria. Since I admitted and embrace the my desire of a change I started 5o feel less miserable, since my wish to live as a trans woman became my new hope. Sure, I'm still have problems, I still feeling depressed, I'm still legally and socially a male, but in my personality and in my inner self I started to be Agatha.
I'm 100% free of suicidal ideations? No, of course not. Today I consider a rightful way to pass this existence (Since I believe, as a witch, that we have multiple dimensions, spiritually and physically). Perhaps I'm not deciding to CTB tomorrow, but I choose one day I will no have any remorse to leave this world.
I only want Finish my transition (I got a medical plan recently and I'll make an appointment with a doctor to get my hormone therapy as soon as possible) to handle my existence less miserable as it was when I was a depressed, hopeless male. I was aiming to the wrong side.
If there is another trans sisters here with similar stories or thoughts, let me know. Also I want to hear trans bros too.
Hugs and kisses, community.
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