Venting Agoraphobic freak

[needleinthehay]

I can't even leave the house anymore without this overwhelming sense of fear and panic overtaking me. I went to see a musical with some family tonight because my dad bought tickets before realizing he'd be out of town and he gave his ticket to me. I would've bailed (especially given how hungover I am today) but I'd feel bad wasting his money and didn't wanna deal with the fallout. Halfway through the show I literally started sweating from how bad I was panicking and wanting to get out of there so bad but I got a ride from my family member so I couldn't just go home and we were in the middle of the row of seats so I couldn't up and leave unnoticed. I'm finally home now and thinking about how much of a useless freak I am makes me wanna end it even sooner. PTSD has fucked up my life so bad and I feel like a broken person.

 

[littlelady774]

I used to have agoraphobia really bad. Always had to be looking for exits and stuff whenever we would go somewhere. I was afraid I'd panic or throw up right in front of everyone.
But the key was realizing that nobody gives two shits about me and realize they're all worried about themselves and their lives

 

[katagiri83]

Very relatable. Must've taken a lot of strength for you to hold it together for the whole show.
Hope the agitation has settled down a bit for you.

 

[cassxtho]

You're not a useless freak for feeling this way, it's a consequence of your past. Getting out of your comfort zone will help you, no matter how hard it is. If you feel the resistance to do something, more often than not, it's probably something you should do. I used to be this way too, but in my mind things changed when I realized that being miserable by trying to actually go to the store despite my fears and panic attacks was better than being miserable and rotting in my bed for the rest of my life because it meant I was actually trying to do something for myself. Your feelings are completely natural.

 

[downndone2]

I can relate. Somehow, I pulled myself out of it for months after being severely stuck at home for a few years. Now I'm right back into feeling stuck here again.

Pat yourself on the back for getting out there .

Feel free to reach out anytime. Being unable to leave is lonely, anxious, etc.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you have to endure, existing certainly can be torture and it's certainly unfair how you have to suffer like this.