What awaits me? In my previous post ( https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/the-end.183145/#post-2714993 ), I already wrote about my method. It will work. Unless I magically start breathing through my ears or unless I am found within 10 minutes in middle of wilderness (close to a nearby village but still, especially at dark, I shouldn't be found). I think that even if someone sees me from far location, they will simply think I am lying down and enjoying sea lol.
What is the next? I feel both surreal, like at the edge, abyss... WHat was point of all this? When I go to sleep, I am used to waking up somewhere. This time, what bothers me is that I will go to sleep and... where will I wake up? My mind who is used to sleep-wake up cycle cant comprehend that I will sleep, probably see some dream (NDE) and... never wake up?
I remember, a few months ago, a person told me about her choking incident. She started choking. It was sudden. SHe was feeling panicked so much, couldnt scream, do anything. Everything turned dark, she started to have a tunnel vision. She could only see what's in front of her. She said that as more and more time passed, her fear + suffocation totally disappeared. She said to herself, "Sooo, this is what death is...?". I asked her, "are you 100% sure, or I understand you correctly, that your suffocation feeling totally disappeared while you were fully conscious?" She said yes. She said she felt like she was in a dark environment, waiting whats going to happen. Curiously. What will happen the next? At this point, someone saw and rescued her.
Writing that gave me chills. SI may be absent, I am soo done, but I wonder, what will happen? It is like I am going to watch a totally different movie, not having a single clue about it. I wont abandon my plan, I am just sooooooooo curious, like I am starting to travel to a totally different country
What is the next? I feel both surreal, like at the edge, abyss... WHat was point of all this? When I go to sleep, I am used to waking up somewhere. This time, what bothers me is that I will go to sleep and... where will I wake up? My mind who is used to sleep-wake up cycle cant comprehend that I will sleep, probably see some dream (NDE) and... never wake up?
I remember, a few months ago, a person told me about her choking incident. She started choking. It was sudden. SHe was feeling panicked so much, couldnt scream, do anything. Everything turned dark, she started to have a tunnel vision. She could only see what's in front of her. She said that as more and more time passed, her fear + suffocation totally disappeared. She said to herself, "Sooo, this is what death is...?". I asked her, "are you 100% sure, or I understand you correctly, that your suffocation feeling totally disappeared while you were fully conscious?" She said yes. She said she felt like she was in a dark environment, waiting whats going to happen. Curiously. What will happen the next? At this point, someone saw and rescued her.
Writing that gave me chills. SI may be absent, I am soo done, but I wonder, what will happen? It is like I am going to watch a totally different movie, not having a single clue about it. I wont abandon my plan, I am just sooooooooo curious, like I am starting to travel to a totally different country
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