Affair?

[LonelyLight]

Has any of you on here had an affair that your willing to share the story of? How did it start/end? Is it still happening? Did you end up together? Have you felt you needed more than your partner was offering but you see no way out? Is that one of the reasons your here considering ctb?
Or even the reverse side, has your partner had one on you? Did you forgive them?
I do have reasons for asking, and no I'm not having an affair. But I'm curious what leads people to thinking they need to?
I'm in a 10 year relationship myself, with no children, no home together, no ring, nothing. If I speak about any of the above topics its immediately shut down. I am 25, we are together since we are 15 and 16 years of age. I see my friends go for dates and get married, go on holidays together and of course I'm jealous.
I'm not saying I'm considering an affair but I can sometimes see why people would feel desperate enough to have them. I think I'd rather leave the relationship first, and thankfully I have no children caught in the middle so it wouldnt be so messy if I was to leave. But I do understand people who would potentially lose their kids or their home, who are in a loveless situation would reach out for someones company. Or am I just an absolute asshole for even sympathising with people who do??? I dont know.
So are you willing to share your story? I've never seen a thread about the subject since I've been on the forum, and it interests me. If you don't want to comment you can PM me either, I don't mind. If this is a pointless post, then I apologise too. Sometimes I feel stupid making a thread here.

 

[Rachel74]

I had affairs in my previous marriage and that is because I was bored sexually and if I had a manic episode I'd look for other men to have fun with.
No, you are not an assole

 

[LonelyLight]

I had affairs in my previous marriage and that is because I was bored sexually and if I had a manic episode I'd look for other men to have fun with.
No, you are not an assole ❤

Did you feel it "helped" in the moment or was it something you found hard to deal with afterwards? Hope you don't mind the question. Thank you for sharing that with me, and thanks for thinking I'm not an asshole

 

[BPD_LE]

As the daughter of a serial cheater I have to say it can devastate lives. It's not just about the 2 involved. The damage caused to others can be catastrophic. The relationship with my father and my Auntie, Uncle and cousins has been completely ruined by his behaviour.

 

[LonelyLight]

As the daughter of a serial cheater I have to say it can devastate lives. It's not just about the 2 involved. The damage caused to others can be catastrophic. The relationship with my father and my Auntie, Uncle and cousins has been completely ruined by his behaviour.

I'm sorry that happened to you. Of course it's never just the two involved, especially when there is children in the mix. It's sad and I wonder if people could see the effects it would have down the line, would they still do it anyways.

 

[Final Escape]

Has any of you on here had an affair that your willing to share the story of? How did it start/end? Is it still happening? Did you end up together? Have you felt you needed more than your partner was offering but you see no way out? Is that one of the reasons your here considering ctb?
Or even the reverse side, has your partner had one on you? Did you forgive them?
I do have reasons for asking, and no I'm not having an affair. But I'm curious what leads people to thinking they need to?
I'm in a 10 year relationship myself, with no children, no home together, no ring, nothing. If I speak about any of the above topics its immediately shut down. I am 25, we are together since we are 15 and 16 years of age. I see my friends go for dates and get married, go on holidays together and of course I'm jealous.
I'm not saying I'm considering an affair but I can sometimes see why people would feel desperate enough to have them. I think I'd rather leave the relationship first, and thankfully I have no children caught in the middle so it wouldnt be so messy if I was to leave. But I do understand people who would potentially lose their kids or their home, who are in a loveless situation would reach out for someones company. Or am I just an absolute asshole for even sympathising with people who do??? I dont know.
So are you willing to share your story? I've never seen a thread about the subject since I've been on the forum, and it interests me. If you don't want to comment you can PM me either, I don't mind. If this is a pointless post, then I apologise too. Sometimes I feel stupid making a thread here.

Sounds like you should definitely get out of this relationship as soon as possible. It will not get better.

 

[LonelyLight]

Sounds like you should definitely get out of this relationship as soon as possible. It will not get better.

Deep in my heart I know it's not right. I justify it by thinking it's better than being totally alone, but is it? I don't even know.

 

[Rachel74]

Did you feel it "helped" in the moment or was it something you found hard to deal with afterwards? Hope you don't mind the question. Thank you for sharing that with me, and thanks for thinking I'm not an asshole

The guilt was horrendous after. I self harmed after to punish myself.

 

[Notf1xable]

Has any of you on here had an affair that your willing to share the story of? How did it start/end? Is it still happening? Did you end up together? Have you felt you needed more than your partner was offering but you see no way out? Is that one of the reasons your here considering ctb?
Or even the reverse side, has your partner had one on you? Did you forgive them?
I do have reasons for asking, and no I'm not having an affair. But I'm curious what leads people to thinking they need to?
I'm in a 10 year relationship myself, with no children, no home together, no ring, nothing. If I speak about any of the above topics its immediately shut down. I am 25, we are together since we are 15 and 16 years of age. I see my friends go for dates and get married, go on holidays together and of course I'm jealous.
I'm not saying I'm considering an affair but I can sometimes see why people would feel desperate enough to have them. I think I'd rather leave the relationship first, and thankfully I have no children caught in the middle so it wouldnt be so messy if I was to leave. But I do understand people who would potentially lose their kids or their home, who are in a loveless situation would reach out for someones company. Or am I just an absolute asshole for even sympathising with people who do??? I dont know.
So are you willing to share your story? I've never seen a thread about the subject since I've been on the forum, and it interests me. If you don't want to comment you can PM me either, I don't mind. If this is a pointless post, then I apologise too. Sometimes I feel stupid making a thread here.

I caught my husband cheating multiple times, first when we were dating. He sent an ex gf a message on a video game they played together, I trusted him and he was friends with all of his exes, I'm the only one that since we have separated I've cut him completely off. Next there was a woman from another state, also on a video game. He let her yell at me and tell me how horrible of a wife I was. I left with our son and stayed with an ex (he was with someone else and him and I had zero feelings for each other, we were better off as friends, he was also married and cheating on his wife, it was terrible to see him do that.) after about 3 weeks of me living with my ex and his wife with our son. My husband called my grandma and said he was going to get back on medication and go to counseling and get anger management (he never did). We met up on my birthday, when we met another woman called his phone, this woman was someone he told me tried to stab him and was "crazy" his worlds not mine. He suddenly had no idea how she had his number. He gave me the phone and she said he was lying to me. Nothing else was said and my dumbass went back, I'm stupid I really deadass loved this man, part of me still does even though he messed with my head so much.

Besides that the whole time we were together I would get messages that he was cheating on me. I could not kiss, hug, tell him I love him, or he do the same with me, without getting messages being told he didn't really love me, or conflicting saying he did. Or ones saying he was with someone else.

If it was a normal cheating, that I could get over, I did with my previous ex. It's the possible double life bs, the fact that every time he was accusing me of cheating, I caught him not too soon after. He would get so insecure saying guys were checking me out, the thing is I didn't care. I lost weight, went to the gym and was doing everything I could going through hell to be the best wife while being harassed and all I got was blamed for it (being harassed)and cheated on. And then he has the nerve to act like it was all on me, so yeah I'm a bit bitter and I've completely lost who I am.

The affairs aren't why I am ctbing but the situation plays a part in it. It's more about the ptsd left from the death threats, mental abuse (from him and the person that did the harassment), and seeing an abuser get away with everything. I don't want to try anymore.

 

[BPD_LE]

I'm sorry that happened to you. Of course it's never just the two involved, especially when there is children in the mix. It's sad and I wonder if people could see the effects it would have down the line, would they still do it anyways.

Unfortunately, I don't think they care. My father saw the effect his behaviour had on me. I had to clear up the mess he made. He ran away. Then he came back, and did exactly the same thing again. I still don't understand it. I don't think I will ever forgive him. His daughters emotional wellbeing was not on his mind at all.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

My recent ex went away for work for a month or so months back and got incredibly high and has sex with another woman. I took him back because I loved.. And still love him, but he left me in August. We remained friends and he was horrible to me since. Heard and saw evidence he was on dating apps already and cut ties. He has no idea I'll be gone soon. It changed my relationship with him until it ended. And even to this day.

He said to me "She wasn't even pretty." So I wasn't good enough at home that you had sex with a woman you deemed unattractive. This will be on my mind to the very end... Unfortunately. I can't let go of traumas like these because of my conditions..

 

[LonelyLight]

I caught my husband cheating multiple times, first when we were dating. He sent an ex gf a message on a video game they played together, I trusted him and he was friends with all of his exes, I'm the only one that since we have separated I've cut him completely off. Next there was a woman from another state, also on a video game. He let her yell at me and tell me how horrible of a wife I was. I left with our son and stayed with an ex (he was with someone else and him and I had zero feelings for each other, we were better off as friends, he was also married and cheating on his wife, it was terrible to see him do that.) after about 3 weeks of me living with my ex and his wife with our son. My husband called my grandma and said he was going to get back on medication and go to counseling and get anger management (he never did). We met up on my birthday, when we met another woman called his phone, this woman was someone he told me tried to stab him and was "crazy" his worlds not mine. He suddenly had no idea how she had his number. He gave me the phone and she said he was lying to me. Nothing else was said and my dumbass went back, I'm stupid I really deadass loved this man, part of me still does even though he messed with my head so much.

Besides that the whole time we were together I would get messages that he was cheating on me. I could not kiss, hug, tell him I love him, or he do the same with me, without getting messages being told he didn't really love me, or conflicting saying he did. Or ones saying he was with someone else.

If it was a normal cheating, that I could get over, I did with my previous ex. It's the possible double life bs, the fact that every time he was accusing me of cheating, I caught him not too soon after. He would get so insecure saying guys were checking me out, the thing is I didn't care. I lost weight, went to the gym and was doing everything I could going through hell to be the best wife while being harassed and all I got was blamed for it (being harassed)and cheated on. And then he has the nerve to act like it was all on me, so yeah I'm a bit bitter and I've completely lost who I am.

The affairs aren't why I am ctbing but the situation plays a part in it. It's more about the ptsd left from the death threats, mental abuse (from him and the person that did the harassment), and seeing an abuser get away with everything. I don't want to try anymore.

Oh wow he is just an absolute asshole!!!! I'm so sorry you had to deal with all that in your life. I can't even imagine how that made you feel. I mean I get jealous when I see my partner getting a phone call from another woman (he says they are friends) and even the phone call is enough to make me feel like absolute crap and anxiety through the roof. Sounds crazy I know but I'm very insecure but I try not to project my feelings to him cause he argues with me if I say I'm not happy about it.
How long has it been since you have left him?

Unfortunately, I don't think they care. My father saw the effect his behaviour had on me. I had to clear up the mess he made. He ran away. Then he came back, and did exactly the same thing again. I still don't understand it. I don't think I will ever forgive him. His daughters emotional wellbeing was not on his mind at all.

Oh no the fact he did it again, after seeing the mess it caused the first time? That's so awful to be put thru that twice by your dad and I can't blame you for never forgiving him.

My recent ex went away for work for a month or so months back and got incredibly high and has sex with another woman. I took him back because I loved.. And still love him, but he left me in August. We remained friends and he was horrible to me since. Heard and saw evidence he was on dating apps already and cut ties. He has no idea I'll be gone soon. It changed my relationship with him until it ended. And even to this day.

He said to me "She wasn't even pretty." So I wasn't good enough at home that you had sex with a woman you deemed unattractive. This will be on my mind to the very end... Unfortunately. I can't let go of traumas like these because of my conditions..

I'm so sorry, that sounds absolutely awful. And what a way to really dig the knife in by saying something like that. If someone fell in love, as much as it would hurt, at least it would be almost more justifiable than him just having sex for the sake of it even tho what he had at home was better!

 

[BPD_LE]

Oh no the fact he did it again, after seeing the mess it caused the first time? That's so awful to be put thru that twice by your dad and I can't blame you for never forgiving him.

At least you get it. Most people just say 'well it's not like he cheated on you' but they're missing the point entirely. The stress it caused me the first time trying to get in between them caused me to physically sick right in front of him. He ran away. I had no way of contacting him as he had 2 phones. My Grandad comforted me. It was awful. He apologised. Then a few years later, he got caught again. I couldn't believe he'd put me through that again especially as my Grandad had passed away. Why did he come back? Why didn't he leave the relationship first if he'd found someone else? I would of had more respect for him. But I'm just so disappointed. Did he really think he was going to get away with it again? Did he think about his daughters mental health at all? Maybe I'm being selfish and dramatic, I don't know. Our relationship will never be the same. He went from being my dad to being a big disappointment. He's still with this woman, happily travelling around the world with her, while the relationship with his only daughter is left in tatters.
Sorry for the rant. I'm not usually one for long posts but it struck a nerve. Better out than in! Thanks for reading.

 

[Rachel74]

This is my dad too. I don't have anything to do with him but I fear I turned out like him. He had affair after affair and didn't give a toss.
Yes my affair started because of a manic episode but that's still no excuse to hurt my ex hubby.

 

[LonelyLight]

At least you get it. Most people just say 'well it's not like he cheated on you' but they're missing the point entirely. The stress it caused me the first time trying to get in between them caused me to physically sick right in front of him. He ran away. I had no way of contacting him as he had 2 phones. My Grandad comforted me. It was awful. He apologised. Then a few years later, he got caught again. I couldn't believe he'd put me through that again especially as my Grandad had passed away. Why did he come back? Why didn't he leave the relationship first if he'd found someone else? I would of had more respect for him. But I'm just so disappointed. Did he really think he was going to get away with it again? Did he think about his daughters mental health at all? Maybe I'm being selfish and dramatic, I don't know. Our relationship will never be the same. He went from being my dad to being a big disappointment. He's still with this woman, happily travelling around the world with her, while the relationship with his only daughter is left in tatters.
Sorry for the rant. I'm not usually one for long posts but it struck a nerve. Better out than in! Thanks for reading.

No your not being dramatic. Parents should do anything to prevent hurt or upset to their children ( in my opinion) its heartbreaking to hear of a dad who so easily hurt his daughter time after time.
And yes he practically did cheat on you as you were a victim of his deception in my opinion.

This is my dad too. I don't have anything to do with him but I fear I turned out like him. He had affair after affair and didn't give a toss.
Yes my affair started because of a manic episode but that's still no excuse to hurt my ex hubby.

At least you feel some remorse for it, your not so selfish and caught up that you dont think there was any wrong in it, if that makes sense.
We do all make mistakes tho, it's as long as you learn from them I believe, hugs

 

[Rachel74]

No your not being dramatic. Parents should do anything to prevent hurt or upset to their children ( in my opinion) its heartbreaking to hear of a dad who so easily hurt his daughter time after time.
And yes he practically did cheat on you as you were a victim of his deception in my opinion.

At least you feel some remorse for it, your not so selfish and caught up that you dont think there was any wrong in it, if that makes sense.
We do all make mistakes tho, it's as long as you learn from them I believe, hugs

I have and been faithful to my current partner, I keep telling him to find someone for sex as I'm not at all sexual anymore.

 

[ThisIsTheLastNight]

I caught my husband cheating multiple times, first when we were dating. He sent an ex gf a message on a video game they played together, I trusted him and he was friends with all of his exes, I'm the only one that since we have separated I've cut him completely off. Next there was a woman from another state, also on a video game. He let her yell at me and tell me how horrible of a wife I was. I left with our son and stayed with an ex (he was with someone else and him and I had zero feelings for each other, we were better off as friends, he was also married and cheating on his wife, it was terrible to see him do that.) after about 3 weeks of me living with my ex and his wife with our son. My husband called my grandma and said he was going to get back on medication and go to counseling and get anger management (he never did). We met up on my birthday, when we met another woman called his phone, this woman was someone he told me tried to stab him and was "crazy" his worlds not mine. He suddenly had no idea how she had his number. He gave me the phone and she said he was lying to me. Nothing else was said and my dumbass went back, I'm stupid I really deadass loved this man, part of me still does even though he messed with my head so much.

Besides that the whole time we were together I would get messages that he was cheating on me. I could not kiss, hug, tell him I love him, or he do the same with me, without getting messages being told he didn't really love me, or conflicting saying he did. Or ones saying he was with someone else.

If it was a normal cheating, that I could get over, I did with my previous ex. It's the possible double life bs, the fact that every time he was accusing me of cheating, I caught him not too soon after. He would get so insecure saying guys were checking me out, the thing is I didn't care. I lost weight, went to the gym and was doing everything I could going through hell to be the best wife while being harassed and all I got was blamed for it (being harassed)and cheated on. And then he has the nerve to act like it was all on me, so yeah I'm a bit bitter and I've completely lost who I am.

The affairs aren't why I am ctbing but the situation plays a part in it. It's more about the ptsd left from the death threats, mental abuse (from him and the person that did the harassment), and seeing an abuser get away with everything. I don't want to try anymore.

Holy shit. That's extreme. I thought i had seen everything in my life and i couldn't be surprised but even i'm sick of reading it. My father is also a fornicator and one of the reasons why i'm here. Can't stand to be descended from someone like that and to have the same genes as him. It is as if I would continue to live then I only weaken the human genpool.

 

[Rachel74]

Holy shit. That's extreme. I thought i had seen everything in my life and i couldn't be surprised but even i'm sick of reading it. My father is also a fornicator and one of the reasons why i'm here. Can't stand to be descended from someone like that and to have the same genes as him. It is as if I would continue to live then I only weaken the human genpool.

I do think this behaviour is genetic, my sister as been the same, cheating on her husband etc.

 

[LonelyLight]

I do think this behaviour is genetic, my sister as been the same, cheating on her husband etc.

I agree, I also think if a parent has done it, the child will more likely grow up to do it

 

[ThisIsTheLastNight]

I do think this behaviour is genetic, my sister as been the same, cheating on her husband etc.

I think so. I've always tried to be exactly the opposite of my father, but i'm like a copy of him and that's my death sentence because i don't feel like looking for a woman who can stand it all and live such a worthless life. I'm not degenerate enough for that.

 

[BPD_LE]

I agree, I also think if a parent has done it, the child will more likely grow up to do it

Or go completely the other way like me. I was in an unhappy 15yr relationship and somehow found the strength to leave and set up alone. Then I found my current partner who knows the thought of me cheating on him is just unthinkable. Because of my dad, I learnt it's kinder to leave than to cheat. I would never want to be like him.

 

[Rachel74]

Or go completely the other way like me. I was in an unhappy 15yr relationship and somehow found the strength to leave and set up alone. Then I found my current partner who knows the thought of me cheating on him is just unthinkable. Because of my dad, I learnt it's kinder to leave than to cheat. I would never want to be like him.

I really admire you for that

 

[LonelyLight]

Or go completely the other way like me. I was in an unhappy 15yr relationship and somehow found the strength to leave and set up alone. Then I found my current partner who knows the thought of me cheating on him is just unthinkable. Because of my dad, I learnt it's kinder to leave than to cheat. I would never want to be like him.

I also admire you, I'm glad you learned from this experience rather than felt the need to repeat the pattern.

 

[Daniela]

Kids these days do polyamory - much more harrowing, gratutious, exquisite pain and heartbreak.

 

[BPD_LE]

I also admire you, I'm glad you learned from this experience rather than felt the need to repeat the pattern.

I was lucky enough to have amazing grandparents and social workers who influenced my life more positively. Obviously not enough, but I'm still grateful for them. My grandparents were married for 71 years before my Grandad passed away. My Grandma has passed too now, but they were devoted to each other. I miss them ❤

 

[LonelyLight]

Kids these days do polyamory - much more harrowing, gratutious, exquisite pain and heartbreak.

I'm actually hearing that an awful lot, in fact a girl I know engages in it with her boyfriend, they have taken on a new person into the relationship. I personally couldn't cope with that.

I was lucky enough to have amazing grandparents and social workers who influenced my life more positively. Obviously not enough, but I'm still grateful for them. My grandparents were married for 71 years before my Grandad passed away. My Grandma has passed too now, but they were devoted to each other. I miss them ❤

You are blessed in terms of grandparents so. I lost my grandmother in July and I miss her terribly too. She was the only grandparent I ever had, the rest passed away before I was born. Grandparents are irreplaceable.

 

[OnlyMercy]

Suicide is a love affair with death...

 

[Notf1xable]

Suicide is a love affair with death...

Can it be the death character from Discworld? I just wanna be friends with him, seems like it would be some nice conversations, or the gods from American Gods.

 

[Moon Flower]

I visited a long time online friend back in July. He called me less attractive in person and told me to go home sooner and I still had sex with him three times while already in a relationship, probably because I hate myself

 

[MeltingHeart]

Deep in my heart I know it's not right. I justify it by thinking it's better than being totally alone, but is it? I don't even know.

Personally I feel that being in a loveless relationship is a far more lonely feeling (not to mention character/ self-esteem destoying) than being single. There are so many more aspects to life that you can derive joy, satisfaction and contentment from than simple being in a relationship- especially one that makes you feel miserable- plus you could be missing out on the opportunity to meet someone else somewhere down the line...someone that is better for you in the long run...