advice?

[Respitory]

what do you do when your parents start verbally insulting you from every aspect? (and don't say cut. I already do and they found out which made them do that even more)

 

[tireddreamer]

Why do they insult you?

 

[Respitory]

Why do they insult you?

everything my friend everything

 

[tireddreamer]

Just trying to get some details lol. You don't have to, but you'll probably get better advice from people if you talk about yourself and your parents a little bit.

 

[MissKatrina]

Put some music on. Cry. Rant somewhere till I can calm down. I recall reading somewhere that if someone insults you and it's a person you wouldn't take advice from, then you shouldn't take their criticism either. Just stuff that helps me.

 

[Sensei]

Is it possible for you to stand up against your parents and talk back? If so, there might be some ways.

 

[maru.]

I agree with tireddreamer, it's easier to give advice and try to help if we have a better understanding of the situation as a whole, from what we have, i can't make much of what's going on tbh, but i want to help if i can.

 

[sullen-girl]

I usually just find somewhere away from everything and put my headphones on loud

 

[pole]

sorry to hear about what you're going through.

verbally insulting you in everyway possible makes me seem like you've been forced to endure this for a while, and even if they don't cause you harm physically; emotional abuse hurts and causes as much damage as physical harm and just ruins you're mental state of mind and emotions.

i honestly don't believe music or any sort of distractions do anything good. yes there helpful as temporary coping mechanisms. but it doesn't stop you from feeling and encountering this again, you only escape temporarily. there'll be another time this happens, then another time, and another time.

we can only run and escape for so long until were just tired and don't have the energy to want to do either anymore. i don't know you're living situation, but like another user mentioned, confronting you're parents, moving out somehow, talking to someone about it so the situation can be addressed. you can't simply live in such an environment causing you torment, it just isn't fair to you at all.

and it's completely fine if you don't wanna discuss you're details in dept, i get that. but it may help. and i definitely hope you find a way in getting out of the very same environment that's caused you pain and shaped you're suffering.

take care.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Give some examples of things they say.

 

[Deleted member 14573]

Hey Respiratory,

I'm sorry that your parents insult you and that it may (?) be a contributing factor as to why you're here. Big hugs .

My mother is very abusive, both physically and mentally, and here some are things I learned. Hopefully they may help you too:

• You have to have plans to leave. You mentioned that you did cut them off (?). If you have moved out and they continue to abuse you verbally, you need to establish boundaries: Do NOT come to my house uninvited and I will BLOCK your number if you continue to disrespect me. However, if you still live with them, then unfortunately you have to live under their rules and this is the difficult part. If you are still living with them you need a plan to leave eventually -- you would be surprised just how much your mental health and life improves when you are out of that nasty, toxic environment.
• ,
• Your parents have not developed emotional maturity. We all make mistakes and sometime lose our temper and that is okay. However, by constantly verbally abusing you, they show you that they can not control their anger and they are bad at solving interpersonal problems. So every time they insult you, they are also insulting themselves by showing their immaturity to the world.
• -
• You have to be the mature one in this relationship. I know, it sucks. You have to be the one that is calm, patient and understanding. Because your parents are not going to change. If you also lash out at them, not only will you quickly escalate the situation, but your parents will feel that they are justified in treating you this way. Remember, you just have to grin and bear their bullshit until you have the means to move out. You can not control the way they treat but you CAN control your reaction.
• -
• Do not take anything they say personally. When you hear the same insults over and over again you become numb to them, and even start to find them hilariously stupid. But please DO NOT INTERNALISE what they say to you. Do not let their insulting, blaming, accusing and mocking drag you down. When you hear those things you can just imagine yourself 'flicking' it away from you, like water off a duck's back. Remember you are so valuable.
• -
• Try to understand where your parents are coming from. This does not mean excusing them for their behaviour. But if you can see that they ultimately have good intentions it may a bit easier to bear the situation. Do they come from a cultural background where it is common to abuse children? Do they have their own trauma that they never dealt with? Often times, the problem really stems from within them. I know that this is that case with my mother. It's sad, really. Again, it is NOT your responsibility to deal with, but recognising this can soften any resentment you may have as a result of the abuse.
• -
• Don't get hung up on the small stuff. Sometimes you may have a big falling out with your parents over something petty and small. Don't ruminate on those small things if you can help it.
• -
• Do everything you can to maintain peace in your household. Is there something that triggers your parents to start verbally abusing you. I am not saying that it is your fault or that this behaviour is okay, but if try to avoid those triggers if it is possible. And if your parents start abusing you, go to your room or a place where you feel safe. Whatever you do DO NOT ENGAGE WITH THEIR ABUSE.
• -
• Prioritise taking care of your mental health and engage in self-care:
  • Confide in someone you trust. It could be a friend, therapist, another family member,etc. It can be very comforting and you will need that support network. Because after years of abuse you might really believe that nobody cares or that all those things your parents said were true, when it is absolutely not.
  • 
    
  • Seek mental health treatment if it is possible. Try to look for a therapist who specialises in abuse. If you go to school or university, take advantage of free counseling services if they offer it. I know mental health treatment can be hard to access, and it varies depending on your location. There are also online counseling services if you can not go to one in your area.
  • 
    
  • Try attaining financial independence. This can be a long journey and that is okay. You will get there eventually. Focus on your studies so you can enter the career you desire. Or look for job and open a savings account. Manage your spending and try to have enough savings so that you can leave. TRACK YOUR SPENDING. I highly recommend YNAB: https://www.youneedabudget.com/ . But there are many apps that can help you with this.
  • 
    
  • Do things that make you feel better. Whether that be spending time with friends, your personal hobbies, reading, etc. You deserve so much love .
  • 
    
  • Try to practise stress management strategies. I do not want to make this post too long, so I will link this reddit post with advice from a fighter pilot that was incredibly helpful for me: (Click on the spoiler to read the post :D)
    
    Spoiler: LPT: Stress Management (Lessons learned from a USAF fighter pilot)
  • -
  • If you feel that the abuse may escalate into something phsyical, create a safety plan for what you can do in that situation (such as where you can go, a bag of things, who you can call etc.)

Of course, not all this advice would be relevant as I do not really know your situation.

Just remember, you are NOT ALONE. We all support you and have your back . I hope that you are eventually able to get out of the abusive environment. If you have not already seen, please take a look at the recovery resources in this forum as they could be helpful to you as well:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/recovery-treatments.20652/

And my pms are always open . I wish you all the best dear.

EDIT: I just realised this was posted in the suicide discussion forum. I hope it's okay I linked the recovery forum.