Venting Addiction

[phoenixx]

I need to vent somewhere since I can't tell anyone else. I'm starting to realise I'm probably addicted to codeine. I can barley go a week without them. I like to wake up in the morning, take a handful of pills and drink some vodka and just feel good for a few hours. I've been doing this for the last few years, not as often as I have been this year though. It started out once or twice a month, I could just go out of it for a few hours and then I'd be fine for a few weeks. But now I'm finding myself wanting more and more and it's becoming a weekly thing. Between the doses, I become moody and irritable. Once I have the pills and alcohol, I become the happiest person. But now I'm afraid I'm going to get to the point where I'll want them daily and then I'd need a lot more pills because of tolerance. I even planned to visit the doctor and tell him about the "migraines" I've been having, just so that he'd supply me with some more strong painkillers and I'd be able to take as many as I want. I have enough to deal with as it is, but now another possible addiction just makes things worse. I feel like I'm destroying my body because of all the pills I consume on a monthly basis. But really, it doesn't matter. If it kills me or makes me ill, so be it. I don't care anymore.

Oh and the funny thing is, no one notices! I'll show up drunk/high as fuck, happy and euphoric, talking like there's no tomorrow (and I'm a pretty quiet person usually) and no one even notices!

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you are going through a lot. Living really is painful. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Lucky you.

 

[phoenixx]

It sounds like you are going through a lot. Living really is painful. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

Thank you. And yes, living is painful. I don't know how long I'll be able to put up with this.

Lucky you.

Why?

 

[Snake of Eden]

Thank you. And yes, living is painful. I don't know how long I'll be able to put up with this.

Why?

Cuz you found cocktail that works for you to make you happy. I wish I could do that. Wouldnt over do it though if I plan to live my natural life span

 

[Beeper]

I need to vent somewhere since I can't tell anyone else. I'm starting to realise I'm probably addicted to codeine. I can barley go a week without them. I like to wake up in the morning, take a handful of pills and drink some vodka and just feel good for a few hours. I've been doing this for the last few years, not as often as I have been this year though. It started out once or twice a month, I could just go out of it for a few hours and then I'd be fine for a few weeks. But now I'm finding myself wanting more and more and it's becoming a weekly thing. Between the doses, I become moody and irritable. Once I have the pills and alcohol, I become the happiest person. But now I'm afraid I'm going to get to the point where I'll want them daily and then I'd need a lot more pills because of tolerance. I even planned to visit the doctor and tell him about the "migraines" I've been having, just so that he'd supply me with some more strong painkillers and I'd be able to take as many as I want. I have enough to deal with as it is, but now another possible addiction just makes things worse. I feel like I'm destroying my body because of all the pills I consume on a monthly basis. But really, it doesn't matter. If it kills me or makes me ill, so be it. I don't care anymore.

Oh and the funny thing is, no one notices! I'll show up drunk/high as fuck, happy and euphoric, talking like there's no tomorrow (and I'm a pretty quiet person usually) and no one even notices!

Might be worth getting support for the addiction before taking any CTB action.

I understand it feels good to be taking the pills and drinking. I self-medicated with drugs and alcohol for quite some time. In hindsight I wish I got help sooner, before things progressed the way they did for me.

I am not advocating for any specific action, just relating to your experience.

Best wishes to you.

 

[phoenixx]

Cuz you found cocktail that works for you to make you happy. I wish I could do that. Wouldnt over do it though if I plan to live my natural life span

I mean yeah, it does make me happy but then the withdrawals absolutely suck. If I take a bigger dose when I have more pills, it does make me really ill. I still get the few hours of euphoria but then the rest of the day I'm vomiting and almost passing out. I feel like I've already over done it. I've been doing it for quite a few years now and I'm pretty sure I've damaged my body

Might be worth getting support for the addiction before taking any CTB action.

I understand it feels good to be taking the pills and drinking. I self-medicated with drugs and alcohol for quite some time. In hindsight I wish I got help sooner, before things progressed the way they did for me.

I am not advocating for any specific action, just relating to your experience.

Best wishes to you.

I was considering it but I'm just really scared of admitting this to anyone. The people around me think I'm doing a lot better mentally so it will be really hard to just be like "hey, I think I might be addicted to painkillers" and disappointing/worrying everyone again. But I'm also scared that I'm just going to get more and more addicted to the point where I can't function without them and it'll be even harder getting off them. I mean, I used to be able to do it once a month or twice and be okay with it, now it's once a week (or more if I have enough pills) and it's now I've started to realise I'm probably addicted, since I start to experience strong withdrawals just after a few days

I just have no idea what I'm going to do or what the future holds

 

[Beeper]

I mean yeah, it does make me happy but then the withdrawals absolutely suck. If I take a bigger dose when I have more pills, it does make me really ill. I still get the few hours of euphoria but then the rest of the day I'm vomiting and almost passing out. I feel like I've already over done it. I've been doing it for quite a few years now and I'm pretty sure I've damaged my body


I was considering it but I'm just really scared of admitting this to anyone. The people around me think I'm doing a lot better mentally so it will be really hard to just be like "hey, I think I might be addicted to painkillers" and disappointing/worrying everyone again. But I'm also scared that I'm just going to get more and more addicted to the point where I can't function without them and it'll be even harder getting off them. I mean, I used to be able to do it once a month or twice and be okay with it, now it's once a week (or more if I have enough pills) and it's now I've started to realise I'm probably addicted, since I start to experience strong withdrawals just after a few days

I just have no idea what I'm going to do or what the future holds

Maybe talk anonymously with a 3rd party about it. That way you can keep it private for now.

If you want to quit, you could taper down over time. I hear kratom helps for the withdrawals.

 

[phoenixx]

Maybe talk anonymously with a 3rd party about it. That way you can keep it private for now.

If you want to quit, you could taper down over time. I hear kratom helps for the withdrawals.

Yeah, I could try that. as much as I like the high and stuff, I don't want to be reliant on it for the rest of my life. I don't want to have to how through with withdrawals all the time. So either I need to reach out and get help or do it myself. Or third option is to end it. I'll have to check out kratom. Is it only on prescription? Or can you buy it at pharmacy's/online?
(I'm actually high/drunk right now so I'm apologise if I don't make sense)

 

[Nolife33]

Addictions are cool man, they made my life worth living

 

[Beeper]

Yeah, I could try that. as much as I like the high and stuff, I don't want to be reliant on it for the rest of my life. I don't want to have to how through with withdrawals all the time. So either I need to reach out and get help or do it myself. Or third option is to end it. I'll have to check out kratom. Is it only on prescription? Or can you buy it at pharmacy's/online?
(I'm actually high/drunk right now so I'm apologise if I don't make sense)

Kratom is available online, and may be available at local shops depending on your country / area.

Best wishes.

 

[pu3nt3s]

I completely understand where you're coming from, I've been addicted to Xanax and Oxycodone ever since I was 12. I got further down the rabbit hole and got into other pharmaceuticals and eventually meth. I didn't and couldn't tell anyone because I was scared of disappointing them or scaring them away. I didn't want the people in my life judging me. Only recently did I speak up about my addiction and I'm in rehab now. Addiction isn't fun, relying on drugs to make you happy all the time is exhausting, especially when going through withdrawal. If the people in your life don't support your recovery then it's better to not have them in your life at all. There will be someone who'll support you and if there isn't you'll need to figure out how to support yourself. At the end of the day only you can decide to make the decision to go sober, it's hard but if you think it's better than relying on them all the time go for it. I'll be supporting your journey either way. Take care.

 

[phoenixx]

Kratom is available online, and may be available at local shops depending on your country / area.

Best wishes.

Okay thank you! I'll have to take a look at that

I completely understand where you're coming from, I've been addicted to Xanax and Oxycodone ever since I was 12. I got further down the rabbit hole and got into other pharmaceuticals and eventually meth. I didn't and couldn't tell anyone because I was scared of disappointing them or scaring them away. I didn't want the people in my life judging me. Only recently did I speak up about my addiction and I'm in rehab now. Addiction isn't fun, relying on drugs to make you happy all the time is exhausting, especially when going through withdrawal. If the people in your life don't support your recovery then it's better to not have them in your life at all. There will be someone who'll support you and if there isn't you'll need to figure out how to support yourself. At the end of the day only you can decide to make the decision to go sober, it's hard but if you think it's better than relying on them all the time go for it. I'll be supporting your journey either way. Take care.

I'm so sorry you've been through all of this, I hope you're able to recover from all of that.

Addiction is very exhausting, I wish I never started taking these pills. It's like they've taken over my life. It's only recently I realised that yes, I'm probably addicted and I need to do something about it before it gets worse. I'm going to try myself to get off them myself, I know that'll be really hard but I want to try anyway. If I'm unable to do it alone then I will definitely consider reaching out and getting support. Thank you! Take care of yourself too