Venting Addiction is all that makes me “happy” and I wish it would kill me

[iitssam]

I'm a drug addict. I don't want to talk too long and bore anyone, but it started almost a year ago, became heavily addicted to Benadryl. If you don't know, if you use every day, your tolerance builds really quickly. My tolerance built to using 1.4g every single night. I was using it every night.

My body eventually stopped handling it well and I had a seizure. I didn't care about the harm it was doing and I continued using anyways. I eventually stopped even counting the pills because it was too annoying to count them all out.

I was frustrated one night because of how annoying the tolerance building was, and just took a shit ton more than I normally do. Woke up in the hospital, I was told that I was having seizures and was completely unresponsive, so my parents called an ambulance.

It wasn't an attempt but I wish it had killed me. Now my parents are searching my room heavy, they already took my weed and shrooms so I have to be extra careful. I go back to using Benadryl, and just recently the same exact thing happened and I woke up in the hospital.

They forced me to go back to my psychiatrist but I don't give a fuck about therapy or psychiatry. I just want to use drugs and let it kill me, I hate being alive, I have my entire life, and drugs are the only thing that bring me any sort of joy anymore other than food, but then I just workout because I'm afraid of becoming even more fat than I already am.

My psychiatrist was like, "you could have died from the overdose, this is serious stuff." I would have died happy, I hate being alive, and now I'm back on medication, I'm not even allowed to have MELATONIN in my room. I'm not allowed any sort of pill unsupervised, my parents take it and hide them in their room.

I haven't bought more Benadryl because I'm insanely paranoid about being caught and sent to a psych ward. I'm so fucking miserable, man, I just want this to be over. I literally pray every night for God to just end it already.

 

[GabenBeaver]

Uh, your parents take the pills and hide them... Hmm......................................................................

First of all, are you over 18?

If the answer is no, do not read the next sentence:

And second of all, if you are over 18, is that your picture and are you a model?

The person in the picture is an internet celebrity called Clavicular. In a nutshell, he is a self proclaimed incel that abuses steroids, drugs, peptides and erectile disfunction medicine to maximize his looks.

 

[stopMotionSickness]

shi I've just started getting caught up with benadryl cuz of how many 3 am + nights i've been working for school stuff, I had no idea it gets that bad. But yeah, apparently an LD50 of 20 mg/kg (interestingly 10x stronger than SN).

If I may ask: what was your draw to benadryl? Was your goal to trip out on it, or were you just trying to sleep?

 

[ohdeergod]

im so sorry but your fucking profile picture lol

 

[knowledgeseeking]

I'm a drug addict. I don't want to talk too long and bore anyone, but it started almost a year ago, became heavily addicted to Benadryl. If you don't know, if you use every day, your tolerance builds really quickly. My tolerance built to using 1.4g every single night. I was using it every night.

My body eventually stopped handling it well and I had a seizure. I didn't care about the harm it was doing and I continued using anyways. I eventually stopped even counting the pills because it was too annoying to count them all out.

I was frustrated one night because of how annoying the tolerance building was, and just took a shit ton more than I normally do. Woke up in the hospital, I was told that I was having seizures and was completely unresponsive, so my parents called an ambulance.

It wasn't an attempt but I wish it had killed me. Now my parents are searching my room heavy, they already took my weed and shrooms so I have to be extra careful. I go back to using Benadryl, and just recently the same exact thing happened and I woke up in the hospital.

They forced me to go back to my psychiatrist but I don't give a fuck about therapy or psychiatry. I just want to use drugs and let it kill me, I hate being alive, I have my entire life, and drugs are the only thing that bring me any sort of joy anymore other than food, but then I just workout because I'm afraid of becoming even more fat than I already am.

My psychiatrist was like, "you could have died from the overdose, this is serious stuff." I would have died happy, I hate being alive, and now I'm back on medication, I'm not even allowed to have MELATONIN in my room. I'm not allowed any sort of pill unsupervised, my parents take it and hide them in their room.

I haven't bought more Benadryl because I'm insanely paranoid about being caught and sent to a psych ward. I'm so fucking miserable, man, I just want this to be over. I literally pray every night for God to just end it already.

I had no idea Benadryl was thing like this. Would mind sharing what you like about it or why you do it?

 

[Untimely]

im so sorry but your fucking profile picture lol

I was thinking the same lol

 

[iitssam]

shi I've just started getting caught up with benadryl cuz of how many 3 am + nights i've been working for school stuff, I had no idea it gets that bad. But yeah, apparently an LD50 of 20 mg/kg (interestingly 10x stronger than SN).

If I may ask: what was your draw to benadryl? Was your goal to trip out on it, or were you just trying to sleep?

At first it was to sleep on it, but then the tolerance started to build anyways so I stated to take more. I'd tried Benadryl to trip in the past and absolutely hated it and didn't understand how people could get addicted, but then as the doses got higher, so did I, and I started to crave the feeling every night. Start tripping out, black out at some point and wake up the next day. No other drug compares to how that one makes me feel.

I had no idea Benadryl was thing like this. Would mind sharing what you like about it or why you do it?

Most people actually hate the effects, it makes you hallucinate, but most people really tend to misinform about the hallucinations. There are some very real simulations of it on YouTube, but what people leave out is that you're so dysphoric and out of it that the hallucinations usually don't phase you, and you think that it's reality. I like the feeling of detachment, and this is dumb, but I've tried many drugs and this one specifically makes music sound INCREDIBLE. I liked to listen to music or make edits during the comeup, and then eventually black out and wake up the next day in the afternoon. Also the hallucinations are very unpredictable, so it was kind of like playing roulette every time. I mean sometimes high doses, I don't get any hallucinations, but I've also done low doses and been completely delusional and confused.