I am finding myself increasingly confused. I can't live upto expectations and give into fraud/imposter syndrome type and end up quitting/running away/imploding.
Anywho, the point being through this attempt at understanding more, there's potentially reactions I have that I have historically just accepted and adapted to and got on with. But now they're in my attention and I research them, there's labels and names and suggestions its all 'symptoms' or 'illness' or 'bad'. And maybe it does contribute to my unease building. But if I'm functional, should I be 'working' to change or identify every reaction to everything.
My main example here is freezing/dissociating. I never realised I do, I just have shit memory (dyslexia) and zone out/daydream a bit. But everyone does in certain circumstances. But plenty of other examples exist. All fairly minor.
Online, everyone seems to be so self aware and calling out every bad habit of their own and challenging their actions to 'fix' this. Should I be doing this? Or can I just roll with things like I have done without labels for the past 34 years of successful school/graduating from uni and many many varied jobs and adventures such as travelling. Stop trying to be arrogant and overachieve and just crack on with what I can do without having to fight for it.
I 'coped' with it because I didn't know it was stuff I needed to 'cope' with. Now I'm at a point where I exercise a ton (possibly too much) as its the least harm of options if I sit around at home or around others too much. But I can't see the future enough to have the patience to 'fix' every tiny detail that I see online stuff being 'worked on'. I need to just get on. But in some way thats what has got me here maybe.
I guess I'm even more confused as I have had so many successful experiences in the past just getting on with life (yet have also been an incompetent dickhead too, like most folk). All the extremes.
Sorry, another ramble that I'm not really sure I have made any point there. Or even asked a question. Maybe its more a rant. I wish it were possible to explain things or put words to how things feel.
Anywho, the point being through this attempt at understanding more, there's potentially reactions I have that I have historically just accepted and adapted to and got on with. But now they're in my attention and I research them, there's labels and names and suggestions its all 'symptoms' or 'illness' or 'bad'. And maybe it does contribute to my unease building. But if I'm functional, should I be 'working' to change or identify every reaction to everything.
My main example here is freezing/dissociating. I never realised I do, I just have shit memory (dyslexia) and zone out/daydream a bit. But everyone does in certain circumstances. But plenty of other examples exist. All fairly minor.
Online, everyone seems to be so self aware and calling out every bad habit of their own and challenging their actions to 'fix' this. Should I be doing this? Or can I just roll with things like I have done without labels for the past 34 years of successful school/graduating from uni and many many varied jobs and adventures such as travelling. Stop trying to be arrogant and overachieve and just crack on with what I can do without having to fight for it.
I 'coped' with it because I didn't know it was stuff I needed to 'cope' with. Now I'm at a point where I exercise a ton (possibly too much) as its the least harm of options if I sit around at home or around others too much. But I can't see the future enough to have the patience to 'fix' every tiny detail that I see online stuff being 'worked on'. I need to just get on. But in some way thats what has got me here maybe.
I guess I'm even more confused as I have had so many successful experiences in the past just getting on with life (yet have also been an incompetent dickhead too, like most folk). All the extremes.
Sorry, another ramble that I'm not really sure I have made any point there. Or even asked a question. Maybe its more a rant. I wish it were possible to explain things or put words to how things feel.
![[redacted]](/data/avatars/s/61/61723.jpg?1772491845){kind=avatar}
