Venting Accomplished my Goal

[sadanon3]

I've wanted to CTB for a long time but I don't because I've convinced myself that I'm here to help other people.

This week I reached a goal that I've been working towards for years. It improved our financial situation significantly. My wife is really hard on me in general but today she's made it clear that nothing I do is good enough. I just feel so hopeless because I thought this would make her happy and make things better but she's being meaner than ever. This frustrates me because I don't even want to be here (alive) and I'm trying my best. It's hard to keep up the lie to myself that I'm here to do good things for people. I've succeeded and it's not enough for them, so what's the point of me continuing to struggle? Despite everything, I still look forward to and enjoy sleep so I'm going to try and focus on that.

 

[Sanva]

Have you talked about how you feel to your wife? It sucks when you try so hard and people still don't appreciate it. I'm sorry for what you're going through.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine it must be frustrating dealing with someone like that. I feel like in this life all we can do is our best after all. It sounds like she is the one with the problem. People can be very disappointing in general. I know what it is like when everything is miserable and hopeless. I'm sorry you are in this situation. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Deadly_Intention]

I've wanted to CTB for a long time but I don't because I've convinced myself that I'm here to help other people.

This week I reached a goal that I've been working towards for years. It improved our financial situation significantly. My wife is really hard on me in general but today she's made it clear that nothing I do is good enough. I just feel so hopeless because I thought this would make her happy and make things better but she's being meaner than ever. This frustrates me because I don't even want to be here (alive) and I'm trying my best. It's hard to keep up the lie to myself that I'm here to do good things for people. I've succeeded and it's not enough for them, so what's the point of me continuing to struggle? Despite everything, I still look forward to and enjoy sleep so I'm going to try and focus on that.

Firstly, congrats on achieving your goal that feat alone must have already been hard work especially to stay motivated!
Secondly, your wife was not very nice in what she said, that sounds like a problem she has and is projecting it onto you. Sorry that you had to hear that from her, your partner should be the one to support you not bring you down.
Third, you sound like a good person who has a lot to offer, so I hope things get better for you!

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I've wanted to CTB for a long time but I don't because I've convinced myself that I'm here to help other people.

This week I reached a goal that I've been working towards for years. It improved our financial situation significantly. My wife is really hard on me in general but today she's made it clear that nothing I do is good enough. I just feel so hopeless because I thought this would make her happy and make things better but she's being meaner than ever. This frustrates me because I don't even want to be here (alive) and I'm trying my best. It's hard to keep up the lie to myself that I'm here to do good things for people. I've succeeded and it's not enough for them, so what's the point of me continuing to struggle? Despite everything, I still look forward to and enjoy sleep so I'm going to try and focus on that.

I have recently begun to believe that we are here primarily to do good things for ourselves, then once we are content with the way our lives are, THEN we start to consider what good we could possibly do for others, the people immediately around us, then MAYBE, if we have time and energy left, what good we could do for our wider community. It's like when you're in a plane and it starts to go down, you put your oxygen mask on FIRST, then see if you can help others - you're no good to anyone if you aren't coping yourself. Do what pleases you first, before trying to please anyone else. This is very hard to achieve if you already have a mortgage and a family, but if you remain miserable, those things probably will be lost eventually anyway. Life doesn't work out well if you try to push through the misery to please everyone else.

 

[Unicornsrnot4dislife]

I'm sorry that this has happened to you. It is crap when our efforts are not appreciated, especially when you wanted to achieve something. And you did!
It's a kick in the teeth. I know it isn't better, but sending you hugs

 

[Deadly_Intention]

I have recently begun to believe that we are here primarily to do good things for ourselves, then once we are content with the way our lives are, THEN we start to consider what good we could possibly do for others, the people immediately around us, then MAYBE, if we have time and energy left, what good we could do for our wider community. It's like when you're in a plane and it starts to go down, you put your oxygen mask on FIRST, then see if you can help others - you're no good to anyone if you aren't coping yourself. Do what pleases you first, before trying to please anyone else. This is very hard to achieve if you already have a mortgage and a family, but if you remain miserable, those things probably will be lost eventually anyway. Life doesn't work out well if you try to push through the misery to please everyone else.

I've been thinking about the same thing actually. Reason why so many of us don't focus on ourselves first is cos that would be considered selfish, and if you focus on helping yourself above others then you are narcissistic too... but I agree that you need to do what is good for you first. Wish I had done that sooner

 

[watchingthewheels]

I've wanted to CTB for a long time but I don't because I've convinced myself that I'm here to help other people.

This week I reached a goal that I've been working towards for years. It improved our financial situation significantly. My wife is really hard on me in general but today she's made it clear that nothing I do is good enough. I just feel so hopeless because I thought this would make her happy and make things better but she's being meaner than ever. This frustrates me because I don't even want to be here (alive) and I'm trying my best. It's hard to keep up the lie to myself that I'm here to do good things for people. I've succeeded and it's not enough for them, so what's the point of me continuing to struggle? Despite everything, I still look forward to and enjoy sleep so I'm going to try and focus on that.

I don't know your wife, so I can't say that she's a malignant narcissist, but it sound like it, based on my mother, who is, and what she did to my father, and myself, and, well, everyone...nothing will ever be good enough. Whatever 99% you do, they'll find the 1% percent you didn't do, and never let you forget.


And trying to put others before yourself, at the expense of your SELF, is a zero-sum gain. Putting aside children, which is a chosen obligation (and until they've grown to independence), it's better to go for a partnership, mutual give-and-take, not self-sacrifice.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I've been thinking about the same thing actually. Reason why so many of us don't focus on ourselves first is cos that would be considered selfish, and if you focus on helping yourself above others then you are narcissistic too... but I agree that you need to do what is good for you first. Wish I had done that sooner

I agree. I think we're brainwashed into thinking that the best thing you can do is focus on helping others in the most obvious way, by sacrificing your time and effort for others; working all the hours you can in a job you dislike to give your kids the best life, working for a charity for no pay, becoming a nurse or a carer regardless of whether you'd actually enjoy it or not.
I think there is a paradox surrounding this: the best thing you can do to help others, is to focus on yourself - so that the thing you are pursuing is the thing you love the most, so you're the most motivated and enthusiastic you could possibly be about anything you could be pursuing, which will ensure that you become the best you could possibly become and most successful at anything you can, which will ensure that you have the most amount of resources and power you could possibly attain, which will ensure you're the most useful to everyone else around you and the most able to help your family, your friends and your community to the greatest extent possible.

Margaret Thatcher, the first and only female prime minister of the UK, said that the key to success is to be as selfish as you can, until you're in the position you desire, then be as selfless as you can, once you have the power to help others.

 

[watchingthewheels]

I agree. I think we're brainwashed into thinking that the best thing you can do is focus on helping others in the most obvious way, by sacrificing your time and effort for others; working all the hours you can in a job you dislike to give your kids the best life, working for a charity for no pay, becoming a nurse or a carer regardless of whether you'd actually enjoy it or not.
I think there is a paradox surrounding this: the best thing you can do to help others, is to focus on yourself - so that the thing you are pursuing is the thing you love the most, so you're the most motivated and enthusiastic you could possibly be about anything you could be pursuing, which will ensure that you become the best you could possibly become and most successful at anything you can, which will ensure that you have the most amount of resources and power you could possibly attain, which will ensure you're the most useful to everyone else around you and the most able to help your family, your friends and your community to the greatest extent possible.

Margaret Thatcher, the first and only female prime minister of the UK, said that the key to success is to be as selfish as you can, until you're in the position you desire, then be as selfless as you can, once you have the power to help others.

One can't say "I love you" without first saying "I".