Venting Acceptance

[Aim]

I think my biggest reason to my si is the fact that i can't accept that I'm mentally ill. Deep deep suffering, but knowing that you would never be abel to fulfill all your dreams, finish school etc etc. But are destined to live a life in pain. You tried everything and nothing got better. Knowing you wanted life so so much. But you can't have it. It's so excruciatingly hard to deal with and accept. So from today of i am starting a new mantra that hopefully will help in letting go 100%. And that is acceptance

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I've been clinically depressed since age 7, and accepted that life was going to be disappointing and difficult because nothing works to make myself better.
You are doing the right thing by practicing acceptance because it takes away a lot of unnecessary pressure upon yourself. and can give a certain amount of peace.

 

[Aim]

I've been clinically depressed since age 7, and accepted that life was going to be disappointing and difficult because nothing works to make myself better.
You are doing the right thing by practicing acceptance because it takes away a lot of unnecessary pressure upon yourself. and can give a certain amount of peace.

YESS whaaat seven years old? I'm so sorry about that! When did you start therapy? And are you trying to recover, or taking the bus? Heartbreaking

YESS whaaat seven years old? I'm so sorry about that! When did you start therapy? And are you trying to recover, or taking the bus? Heartbreaking

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

YESS whaaat seven years old? I'm so sorry about that! When did you start therapy? And are you trying to recover, or taking the bus? Heartbreaking

Thank you.
Ive tried lots of different meds and therapy. Some meds work , but stop working after a while, or the side effects are intolerable, or they don't work at all. Therapy never helped too.
I was abused in childhood, so that was a major factor as well.
I was also diagnosed with bipolar 1 age 20.
I'm definitely catching the bus, and don't even want to get better anymore.

 

[Aim]

Thank you.
Ive tried lots of different meds and therapy. Some meds work , but stop working after a while, or the side effects are intolerable, or they don't work at all. Therapy never helped too.
I was abused in childhood, so that was a major factor as well.
I was also diagnosed with bipolar 1 age 20.
I'm definitely catching the bus, and don't even want to get better anymore.

I'm so sorry to hear that your childhood also was robbed from you.
I have so many parts of my childhood that I don't even remember. Which maybe is a good thing butIdk. Makes me so angry. Kids getting abused. And the fact that hidden abuse is so so difficult to spot unless your healthy and living in the same household almost! Oh well. Same here. Nothing helps anymore. When are you planning? And how?

I'm so sorry to hear that your childhood also was robbed from you.
I have so many parts of my childhood that I don't even remember. Which maybe is a good thing butIdk. Makes me so angry. Kids getting abused. And the fact that hidden abuse is so so difficult to spot unless your healthy and living in the same household almost! Oh well. Same here. Nothing helps anymore. When are you planning? And how?

And btw, have you been abel to forgive your parents?

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I'm so sorry to hear that your childhood also was robbed from you.
I have so many parts of my childhood that I don't even remember. Which maybe is a good thing butIdk. Makes me so angry. Kids getting abused. And the fact that hidden abuse is so so difficult to spot unless your healthy and living in the same household almost! Oh well. Same here. Nothing helps anymore. When are you planning? And how?

And btw, have you been abel to forgive your parents?

My mother was a malignant narcissist and my stepfather a paedophile.
I will never forgive them, never in a million years.
I don't remember much before the age of 8 years old, my mind is mostly a blank except for flashbacks of the abuse I went through.
It breaks my heart to hear of other people having suffered in childhood, and I am deeply sorry that you have suffered too.
I guess it's a good thing that we can't remember everything, yet it's cruel how we often only remember the horrific parts.
I'm planning on jumping around the end of this year, probably early January.
It looks like beachy head is the best location.
At least I will have a nice view before becoming a flying human.

 

[Aim]

My mother was a malignant narcissist and my stepfather a paedophile.
I will never forgive them, never in a million years.
I don't remember much before the age of 8 years old, my mind is mostly a blank except for flashbacks of the abuse I went through.
It breaks my heart to hear of other people having suffered in childhood, and I am deeply sorry that you have suffered too.
I guess it's a good thing that we can't remember everything, yet it's cruel how we often only remember the horrific parts.
I'm planning on jumping around the end of this year, probably early January.
It looks like beachy head is the best location.
At least I will have a nice view before becoming a flying human.

whhhha pedophile?! no that is unacceptable! I agree and couldt support you more! I am so so so sorry! Where do you live now? Yess, that sounds nice. I think I read some threads on beachy head. It's a pretty popular sight? I must say, with all my respect and all that jazz. You are a very brave soul! Wish I was that brave. Just thinking about jumping almost makes me shiver. How tall is it? Are you scared?

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

whhhha pedophile?! no that is unacceptable! I agree and couldt support you more! I am so so so sorry! Where do you live now? Yess, that sounds nice. I think I read some threads on beachy head. It's a pretty popular sight? I must say, with all my respect and all that jazz. You are a very brave soul! Wish I was that brave. Just thinking about jumping almost makes me shiver. How tall is it? Are you scared?

Thank you.
I live in the North West area of UK.
Beachy head is approximately 530 feet tall at the highest point.
I'm scared, yet will be happy to finally go.

 

[Aim]

whhhha pedophile?! no that is unacceptable! I agree and couldt support you more! I am so so so sorry! Where do you live now? Yess, that sounds nice. I think I read some threads on beachy head. It's a pretty popular sight? I must say, with all my respect and all that jazz. You are a very brave soul! Wish I was that brave. Just thinking about jumping almost makes me shiver. How tall is it? Are you scared?

Thank you.
I live in the North West area of UK.
Beachy head is approximately 530 feet tall at the highest point.
I'm scared, yet will be happy to finally go.

Sounds amazing! I'm so happy you are feeling relived! This is my goal to. To feel completely at peace with CT I mean what is it actually to fear. This i try telling myself. If I don't speak to you before you go. I wish you all the luck in the world

 

[Aim]

I've been clinically depressed since age 7, and accepted that life was going to be disappointing and difficult because nothing works to make myself better.
You are doing the right thing by practicing acceptance because it takes away a lot of unnecessary pressure upon yourself. and can give a certain amount of peace.

Hey again. I was just very curious to something. Do you mind if send you a private message?

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Hey again. I was just very curious to something. Do you mind if send you a private message?

Yes, I'm OK for you sending messages.

 

[Aim]

Hey again. I was just very curious to something. Do you mind if send you a private message?

Ok cool. Seems like it's not possible to privat text you.

Yes, I'm OK for you sending messages.

Ok cool, seems like it's not possible to privat text you.

 

[february in alaska]

I think my biggest reason to my si is the fact that i can't accept that I'm mentally ill. Deep deep suffering, but knowing that you would never be abel to fulfill all your dreams, finish school etc etc. But are destined to live a life in pain. You tried everything and nothing got better. Knowing you wanted life so so much. But you can't have it. It's so excruciatingly hard to deal with and accept. So from today of i am starting a new mantra that hopefully will help in letting go 100%. And that is acceptance

Something I'm trying to come to terms with too. My head's been an absolute mess lately, but I've had moments of total acceptance and it's bizarrely comforting. Like yes, this is the end. I'm going to enjoy my last moments and then I'm going to leave, forever, and then I'll never have to deal with any of it. Feels so much better than dragging it out or thinking about the future that I know will never get better.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope we all find that peace before the end

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Ok cool. Seems like it's not possible to privat text you.

Ok cool, seems like it's not possible to privat text you.

I've just messaged you, so should be OK now.

Something I'm trying to come to terms with too. My head's been an absolute mess lately, but I've had moments of total acceptance and it's bizarrely comforting. Like yes, this is the end. I'm going to enjoy my last moments and then I'm going to leave, forever, and then I'll never have to deal with any of it. Feels so much better than dragging it out or thinking about the future that I know will never get better.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope we all find that peace before the end

I know that feeling of acceptance. I've been feeling strangely peaceful today. I've actually not worried about a single thing for a change.
It feels like I'm in a dream, even though most days are hell on earth.
I hope you find peace soon.

 

[Adamsnolife]

Thank you.
I live in the North West area of UK.
Beachy head is approximately 530 feet tall at the highest point.
I'm scared, yet will be happy to finally go.

Hi. Could you pm if interested in going together in the nearest future. Tried to pm you but didn't work

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Hi. Could you pm if interested in going together in the nearest future. Tried to pm you but didn't work

Messages are open now. I didnt know they were turned off. Will pm you.