Venting Abusive girlfriend

[Dili]

My girlfriend I'd an alcoholic, drinking nearly every night on some weeks, and drinks all weekend 100b percent of the time, she tends to gaslight me in arguments which happen quite often, and hits me at times in arguments, and not just a smack, i mean she will beat me on the head until I get the fuck outta the apartment, and tonight we were fighting alot, we were at her moms house and were fighting and she told me to leave so I said okay I will, we exchanged a few more words in our argument to eachother then i left, I went home and locked the door incase she followed me and got violent, 2 minutes later she comes to the door screaming and banging to me to unlock it, I told her no cause I think she will hit me, she continued to bang and scream super loud and I also have ear sensitivity, she said shebjust wanted to hug me but my head and gut were telling me not to risk it, after awhile I decided to open it but ran into the spare room and looked the door, she tried to unlock it with a hairpin but I was holding the lock so she tried to break the door down and thankfully it held, she was acreaming and banging so loud which was super scary because she is incredibly violent, i opened the door and thankfully she went into the other room i ran out the apartment biilding and walked forabit, afterwards i came back she said we are breaking up because appernetly im the one that fucksd up, and she was calling me a pussy and thst imxnot a man and shjt, and it really bothers me thst she thinks I'm in the wrong when I was actually scared for my safety, you would think thayd be a wakeup call for her but no, she tries to spin it around on me, and now she'd saying we're not breaking up. There's alot more thst i left out from tonight as it's already long enough, but I have never hit her in my life or abused her yet she acts like this to me, couple weeks ago she even beat 9n me then destroyed 1000 dollars worth of gaming consoles and controllers thst I've had for years. I also have a video of her banging on the door as proof of what happened.

 

[ClownWorld2023]

came back she said we are breaking up because appernetly im the one that fucksd up.

No, obviously she's in the wrong.
And I'd say she did you a favor by breaking up.
Stay away from that crazy woman.

 

[Old Friend]

And some people think domestic violence doesn't happen to men. Either that or they think it's funny.

 

[Dili]

No, obviously she's in the wrong.
And I'd say she did you a favor by breaking up.
Stay away from that crazy woman.

Also earlier she was out and turned her location off cause we were arguing and I asked if she was with another dude and she said after Me asking like 10xtimes "axtually yeah im getting dick from another dude" she wasn't cheating I know for a fact cause she was at her family friends house but after she said it her reasoning was "you were saying thats what I was doing so I said it back" even though I never said it in that way, I know 100 percent she wasn't cheating cause she also turned it back on after 5 min but this whole night she's been trying to justify not apoligisng for saying that. Idk why she thinks she can do whatever she wants she only said that to try and piss me off and make me overtgink more and before a few weeks ago she did the same thing to me calling me a Cheater and I calmed her down and reassured her, but when she's in the same situation she gets mad and tries to make it worse.

And some people think domestic violence doesn't happen to men. Either that or they think it's funny.

Thank you so much, even having a few people like u say that makes me feel alot better, and yes noone takes it serious, she's even said before if I tell the cops she'll say I hit her and that they will belive her instead, which is probably true.

 

[Old Friend]

You need to get away from her. Move out as soon as is practical. In the meantime, I'd suggest keeping a diary of the abuse in case you need to tell someone about it or help counter any bullshit she makes up about it being you hitting her. That said, her strategy may backfire and have her sent to a women's refuge. You wouldn't need to move out then.

 

[Parnate]

Can you get help from some ngo or record the incident and get authorities involved??

 

[Dili]

And some people think domestic violence doesn't happen to men. Either that or they think it's funny.

Can you get help from some ngo or record the incident and get authorities involved??

I had recordings of her hitting me in the past but she deleted them one night awhile ago, cause she knew it made her look bad. And with authorities involved I feel like she would try and pull bullshit, she always tried and plays victim

You need to get away from her. Move out as soon as is practical. In the meantime, I'd suggest keeping a diary of the abuse in case you need to tell someone about it or help counter any bullshit she makes up about it being you hitting her. That said, her strategy may backfire and have her sent to a women's refuge. You wouldn't need to move out then.

Thank you so much, I will definitely consider doing that, it could help me out in the long run forsure.

 

[Old Friend]

You don't let her have them. You send them to someone else if you have to.

Anyway, I was thinking of a written log. It'll give a good idea of the type and frequency of the abuse should you need to report it. Obviously, you don't tell her you're doing it or let her find it.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

My girlfriend I'd an alcoholic, drinking nearly every night on some weeks, and drinks all weekend 100b percent of the time, she tends to gaslight me in arguments which happen quite often, and hits me at times in arguments, and not just a smack, i mean she will beat me on the head until I get the fuck outta the apartment, and tonight we were fighting alot, we were at her moms house and were fighting and she told me to leave so I said okay I will, we exchanged a few more words in our argument to eachother then i left, I went home and locked the door incase she followed me and got violent, 2 minutes later she comes to the door screaming and banging to me to unlock it, I told her no cause I think she will hit me, she continued to bang and scream super loud and I also have ear sensitivity, she said shebjust wanted to hug me but my head and gut were telling me not to risk it, after awhile I decided to open it but ran into the spare room and looked the door, she tried to unlock it with a hairpin but I was holding the lock so she tried to break the door down and thankfully it held, she was acreaming and banging so loud which was super scary because she is incredibly violent, i opened the door and thankfully she went into the other room i ran out the apartment biilding and walked forabit, afterwards i came back she said we are breaking up because appernetly im the one that fucksd up, and she was calling me a pussy and thst imxnot a man and shjt, and it really bothers me thst she thinks I'm in the wrong when I was actually scared for my safety, you would think thayd be a wakeup call for her but no, she tries to spin it around on me, and now she'd saying we're not breaking up. There's alot more thst i left out from tonight as it's already long enough, but I have never hit her in my life or abused her yet she acts like this to me, couple weeks ago she even beat 9n me then destroyed 1000 dollars worth of gaming consoles and controllers thst I've had for years. I also have a video of her banging on the door as proof of what happened.

It's difficult when you have strong feelings for a person and they treat you badly.

We can see they have their own struggles and badly want to help/show them we care but it can never be at our own expense- or certainly not to that extent. Society has created these unhelpful narratives of 'empath v narcissist' that have people thinking one person is devil the other angel and I think this makes it even more difficult because few relationships are that black and white.

Logical me says 'if you want to stick around, you need a line in the sand and be firm about it', but having been in relationships with these kind of dynamics, it's way easier said than done, isn't it? Take care Xx

 

[magicwiccan1]

My girlfriend I'd an alcoholic, drinking nearly every night on some weeks, and drinks all weekend 100b percent of the time, she tends to gaslight me in arguments which happen quite often, and hits me at times in arguments, and not just a smack, i mean she will beat me on the head until I get the fuck outta the apartment, and tonight we were fighting alot, we were at her moms house and were fighting and she told me to leave so I said okay I will, we exchanged a few more words in our argument to eachother then i left, I went home and locked the door incase she followed me and got violent, 2 minutes later she comes to the door screaming and banging to me to unlock it, I told her no cause I think she will hit me, she continued to bang and scream super loud and I also have ear sensitivity, she said shebjust wanted to hug me but my head and gut were telling me not to risk it, after awhile I decided to open it but ran into the spare room and looked the door, she tried to unlock it with a hairpin but I was holding the lock so she tried to break the door down and thankfully it held, she was acreaming and banging so loud which was super scary because she is incredibly violent, i opened the door and thankfully she went into the other room i ran out the apartment biilding and walked forabit, afterwards i came back she said we are breaking up because appernetly im the one that fucksd up, and she was calling me a pussy and thst imxnot a man and shjt, and it really bothers me thst she thinks I'm in the wrong when I was actually scared for my safety, you would think thayd be a wakeup call for her but no, she tries to spin it around on me, and now she'd saying we're not breaking up. There's alot more thst i left out from tonight as it's already long enough, but I have never hit her in my life or abused her yet she acts like this to me, couple weeks ago she even beat 9n me then destroyed 1000 dollars worth of gaming consoles and controllers thst I've had for years. I also have a video of her banging on the door as proof of what happened.

Stay away from her, definitely report her to the police as it sounds like she will report you and make it appear that you were the one abusing her. People don't think men can be the ones being abused by women, they always think it's the other way around. Esp if the men end up having to defend themselves and fight back.

Pack your stuff up and get as far away as you can from her and do it when she's not there, god knows how she'll react if you were there packing up your stuff. Don't believe any bullshit that she's "sorry" and that she's "promises to stop"
She obviously has problems and taking them out on you is not right.
What reason is there to stay and love about a crazy, abusive alcoholic mad woman.

 

[Dili]

You don't let her have them. You send them to someone else if you have to.

Anyway, I was thinking of a written log. It'll give a good idea of the type and frequency of the abuse should you need to report it. Obviously, you don't tell her you're doing it or let her find it.

Kk, I'll keep any videos I record stored somewhere online so if they get deleted I still have them, and I will keep a log of any abuse also.

It's difficult when you have strong feelings for a person and they treat you badly.

We can see they have their own struggles and badly want to help/show them we care but it can never be at our own expense- or certainly not to that extent. Society has created these unhelpful narratives of 'empath v narcissist' that have people thinking one person is devil the other angel and I think this makes it even more difficult because few relationships are that black and white.

Logical me says 'if you want to stick around, you need a line in the sand and be firm about it', but having been in relationships with these kind of dynamics, it's way easier said than done, isn't it? Take care Xx

Thank you for the kind words, I greatly appreciate that.

It's difficult when you have strong feelings for a person and they treat you badly.

We can see they have their own struggles and badly want to help/show them we care but it can never be at our own expense- or certainly not to that extent. Society has created these unhelpful narratives of 'empath v narcissist' that have people thinking one person is devil the other angel and I think this makes it even more difficult because few relationships are that black and white.

Logical me says 'if you want to stick around, you need a line in the sand and be firm about it', but having been in relationships with these kind of dynamics, it's way easier said than done, isn't it? Take care Xx

Thank you for the kind words, I greatly appreciate that.

Stay away from her, definitely report her to the police as it sounds like she will report you and make it appear that you were the one abusing her. People don't think men can be the ones being abused by women, they always think it's the other way around. Esp if the men end up having to defend themselves and fight back.

Pack your stuff up and get as far away as you can from her and do it when she's not there, god knows how she'll react if you were there packing up your stuff. Don't believe any bullshit that she's "sorry" and that she's "promises to stop"
She obviously has problems and taking them out on you is not right.
What reason is there to stay and love about a crazy, abusive alcoholic mad woman.

Thank you, although I love her so much I feel that it is best if I leave, and I agree while she is out one day. I hope I don't ever have to be put through this again.

 

[Old Friend]

It's difficult when you have strong feelings for a person and they treat you badly.

We can see they have their own struggles and badly want to help/show them we care but it can never be at our own expense- or certainly not to that extent. Society has created these unhelpful narratives of 'empath v narcissist' that have people thinking one person is devil the other angel and I think this makes it even more difficult because few relationships are that black and white.

Logical me says 'if you want to stick around, you need a line in the sand and be firm about it', but having been in relationships with these kind of dynamics, it's way easier said than done, isn't it? Take care Xx

Whilst that's true and abusers nearly always turn out to have been abused themsevles, the situation the OP has described is extremely unhealthy and unsustainable. This lady doesn't sound like she's going to appreciate a line being drawn in the sand. It sounds like she'd make a point of smudging out said line and then whacking him about the head for having the gall to have drawn the line in the first place.

It's often the case in abusive relationships where the abuser has their own problems and good qualities. How often does one hear "the real him is lovely but sometimes it's like something takes over and he's not the same person anymore"? But one can't put up with such abuse long term. It rarely gets better on its own. At the very least, the abuser has to agree to get help if any relationship is to be considered potentially salvageable.

 

[GM28]

My girlfriend I'd an alcoholic, drinking nearly every night on some weeks, and drinks all weekend 100b percent of the time, she tends to gaslight me in arguments which happen quite often, and hits me at times in arguments, and not just a smack, i mean she will beat me on the head until I get the fuck outta the apartment, and tonight we were fighting alot, we were at her moms house and were fighting and she told me to leave so I said okay I will, we exchanged a few more words in our argument to eachother then i left, I went home and locked the door incase she followed me and got violent, 2 minutes later she comes to the door screaming and banging to me to unlock it, I told her no cause I think she will hit me, she continued to bang and scream super loud and I also have ear sensitivity, she said shebjust wanted to hug me but my head and gut were telling me not to risk it, after awhile I decided to open it but ran into the spare room and looked the door, she tried to unlock it with a hairpin but I was holding the lock so she tried to break the door down and thankfully it held, she was acreaming and banging so loud which was super scary because she is incredibly violent, i opened the door and thankfully she went into the other room i ran out the apartment biilding and walked forabit, afterwards i came back she said we are breaking up because appernetly im the one that fucksd up, and she was calling me a pussy and thst imxnot a man and shjt, and it really bothers me thst she thinks I'm in the wrong when I was actually scared for my safety, you would think thayd be a wakeup call for her but no, she tries to spin it around on me, and now she'd saying we're not breaking up. There's alot more thst i left out from tonight as it's already long enough, but I have never hit her in my life or abused her yet she acts like this to me, couple weeks ago she even beat 9n me then destroyed 1000 dollars worth of gaming consoles and controllers thst I've had for years. I also have a video of her banging on the door as proof of what happened.

Get out mate. Record it all and run as quickly as possible. Same happenned to me and wouldn't likely be on this site if i'd just left but had kids involved (im a male btw). Damages you beyond belief long term and effects how you are / future relationships. You've done the right thing - protect yourself and run. People like that don't change.

 

[SexyIncél]

Whatever you do, please don't internalize her abuse. Your internal sense of morality can tell you that she's an abuser. She'll push any button to control you & make you her punching bag. Any weakness she sees, she'll exploit

Some people stick with an abuser because they think they don't deserve better, or can't easily find better, or violence at least gives them attention

She's not a decent human, you can look at her without love

 

[magicwiccan1]

Thank you, although I love her so much I feel that it is best if I leave, and I agree while she is out one day. I hope I don't ever have to be put through this again.

It is 100% best that you leave, you need to look after you. What she is doing isn't right. You might love her but she isn't showing her love back to you by treating you and abusing you the way she has.
I'm not sure if you guys have kids or planned on having kids together but it's not an environment kids should be in and she should never have any.

 

[Meditation guide]

No one should live with or be around an actively drinking alcoholic. People get hurt or even killed, or arrested.
Never think you can have any type of relationship with an active drinking alcoholic, they will ruin your life.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

i'm sorry but i don't know why people use this site for dating advice/loss or couple's counseling. if you don't know when to leave a situation, why would you bother listening to a stranger's advice? are you just trying to document it? is it admissible in court (site name).

 

[Meditation guide]

i'm sorry but i don't know why people use this site for dating advice/loss or couple's counseling. if you don't know when to leave a situation, why would you bother listening to a stranger's advice? are you just trying to document it? is it admissible in court (site name).

I agree this site should only be for suicide discussions but there is a venting heading so I guess the site owner wants it this way.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be so horrible being around someone like that, I hate how some humans create so much harm. But anyway best wishes.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Whilst that's true and abusers nearly always turn out to have been abused themsevles, the situation the OP has described is extremely unhealthy and unsustainable. This lady doesn't sound like she's going to appreciate a line being drawn in the sand. It sounds like she'd make a point of smudging out said line and then whacking him about the head for having the gall to have drawn the line in the first place.

It's often the case in abusive relationships where the abuser has their own problems and good qualities. How often does one hear "the real him is lovely but sometimes it's like something takes over and he's not the same person anymore"? But one can't put up with such abuse long term. It rarely gets better on its own. At the very least, the abuser has to agree to get help if any relationship is to be considered potentially salvageable.

Yes. I agree. I think I'm still in the grip of one such person. Different circumstances, emotional abuse. So often we make excuses to justify what cannot be justified.