Help About setting a date

[VisionsOfHell]

I'd like to start off by saying that the thought of setting a date for my own death used to make me anxious. But over the course of the last month I've not only come to terms with dying but also learned to appreciate it as a final act of rebellion against the unacceptable situation my life has become.

So now, I'm actually looking forward to it and yearning for the certainty of knowing when I'll draw my last breath. I'm fearing that if I don't set a date I will just keep saying delusional things to myself, like: "I should wait a few more weeks, maybe an angel takes pity on me and gives me my health back."

Of course I will have to announce my date on this site so I'll have something to hold me accountable. The shame, that is, of what would be a display of my weakness and lack of determination for all to see. Even worse people may think I am not taking this serious enough or just doing it for attention or sympathy.

Will that be enough to hold me accountable? Or is setting a date a bad idea after all and is it better to wait for the day when it just feels right? I am afraid that day might never come and I'll suffer needlessly.

 

[yive]

I am afraid that day might never come and I'll suffer needlessly.

same situation. totally agree with you

 

[botanormal]

For me, I set a time period for early January, rather than a specific date, and it's been really comforting for me. Ever since I made the decision, I feel like it's a little easier to get through the struggles of day-to-day life, because I know there is an 'out' waiting for me.

That being said, it's completely different for some other people. Having a certain date picked out can feel like unnecessary pressure, and the last thing you need is to stress out over whether or not you'll be able to go through with it. You should only do what feels right for you, and if you think setting a specific date will cause you to feel bad, in any way at all, maybe it's for the best that you just wait and see.

If you keep taking things one day at a time, maybe you'll feel more comfortable in the future about picking a date, or just going through with it whenever you're ready. Don't feel too stressed about it, just do whatever feels most comfortable for you. That's the way I see it anyways, you don't have to agree if you feel differently, just wanted to offer you my thoughts! Good luck with whatever you decide

 

[YukiFox]

Setting a date could be important. It's a significant event in your existence. In my case, when I settle up I'll be more in peace with the idea of dying. Then, consider wisely who will you decide and don't have any remorse.

 

[VisionsOfHell]

If you keep taking things one day at a time, maybe you'll feel more comfortable in the future about picking a date,

I admire the fact that you are still able to live day by day. Done that for the last year but now I'm unable to hide from the truth any longer. Once you pass a certain point in your thinking there is no more turning back. Keep that in the back of your mind.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Of course I will have to announce my date on this site so I'll have something to hold me accountable. The shame, that is, of what would be a display of my weakness and lack of determination for all to see.

There's no shame in that at all. Maybe you're a male and this is the kind of emotional masculine training you were brought up with? Not trying to psychoanalyze you, it just sounds like that kind of rhetorical framework, or like you had a military father, or a really harsh and unforgiving parent. Wherever it came from, just trying to point out that it's a framework, not fact, and I think it's not going to serve you in something like this.

Suicide is a huge deal, and we're pro-choice. You can make whatever choice you want, including changing your mind, right up until you literally can't. And it's not weakness or a lack of determination, it's the ending of your life, there is no bigger deal than this. It's not at all like telling everyone you're quitting smoking to help yourself be accountable and then lighting up.

Even worse people may think I am not taking this serious enough or just doing it for attention or sympathy.

Meh, give no fucks what other people think. It's your life and your death. If you need support, that's what we do here. It can get stressful for some if a member keeps making goodbye threads and the community goes through the emotions of supporting and letting go multiple times, but maybe worry about that if you ever even get to such a point? It's not even about sympathy, there's tons of compassion here on offer for attempting, for changing one's mind, etc. The community is usually happy and supportive if one changes their mind, because we're not cult cheerleaders for death. The majority of members are sad about the reality of suicide but accepting of it in a way that society it is not, and we don't have a happy party when yet another one dies.

There's a genuineness and a rationality in what you write. I don't get a vibe of attention seeking or trying to obliquely drain the emotional resources of others. You're being direct about what you need and want, trying to take a withdrawal of what's freely on offer, not trying to come in from a side door and trying to manipulate others into giving the same thing but in a different way than how they would want to, does that make sense?

Willll that be enough to hold me accountable? Or is setting a date a bad idea after all and is it better to wait for the day when it just feels right? I am afraid that day might never come and I'll suffer needlessly.

This is really personal. Not sure what motivates you, and also, this is not the same as quitting smoking or following through on a commitment to another person. As far as what is better and what you fear, something that helps me figure things out is to write a central issue in the middle of a piece of paper, put a circle around it, and then branch off of it with anything that comes to mind, a form of mind-mapping. When I do that, I nearly always get at what's bothering me and arrive at solutions.

Sending compassion for all your struggles.