A week after my attempt. Still The mental torture is unbearable.

[FadingSnowFake]

Thank you. I try to sit on my deck. I live on a pond and all the trees around it have changed their leaves into the beautiful foliage of autumn. I appreciate the beauty of nature. I don't know wtf is wrong with me.

It's not you. It's life that happened. I don't know, but if it was me, I'd think of a reset. Have you tried dropping the meds, going back to basics without chemicals? You love nature, and appreciate the small things, right? If there is anything or anyone you would miss if you are no longer here, what or who would that be? Maybe focus on that, something that would keep you going if it wasn't for everything else that is wrong.

To me, the company on this sh*tty road is also more important than the journey or the destination. It sounds like you still have a lot to give, and want to give. There are people who feel the same about you. The age bracket we are in doesn't make it easier, but with more road behind us, I think it gives a different perspective on what matters and the experience gained wasn't for nothing.

I hope you can find that something to bring you peace inside, whatever that may be and whichever way that may lead going from here. All the best

 

[divinemistress36]

Psilocybin is my last option . Have you looked into that?

 

[unluckysadness]

I wish you peace or a miracle if God exists. My last option would be ayahuasca but ONLY if the shaman is okay to shoot me if it goes wrong and if I lose my mind. Of course nobody will do it. In a perfect world, our heart should stop beating if we suffered too much and if we need to leave. If only euthanasia was legal everywhere. Human rights hum... If I must reincarnate, I hope being a pet so I can die peacefully with N. Pets are so lucky, they don't overthink. Being human and sick is just hell.

 

[telekon]

Psilocybin is my last option . Have you looked into that?

Psilocybin increases your brain plasticity temporarily so if you're planning to go that route, be ready to actively make changes in your life and start new healthier habits after you do it. This will build new pathways in the brain and can be effective but it takes work.

 

[Kitsune_BCN]

Exactly. Ive been taking K and the antidepressant effect is explosive in me (because neuroplasticity too) but because im bedridden and nothing really changes, the effect wears off in a few days. Same for psylocibin.

The high is cool and its nice to be depression free for 3 days, but after this u.fall into the hole again

 

[Markisloggingout]

It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place when people care about you and can't bear to lose you so you have to stay for them but at the same time you are literally dying to leave.

 

[Fall_Apart]

t's very scary putting the noose around your neck then getting into position while it tightens up around you. I had it pretty tight and I just closed my eyes and prayed to loose consciousness asap. I kept thinking of all the other people that have done this so I wouldn't chicken out. I would say for me I was more sad than scared though.

Gotcha. I agree, it's so sad. Anyway have you had any visible marks on your neck, or are you now having neck pain?