A Reason to Keep Going

[minogun]

I thought about sharing my story here, but honestly, it doesn't feel like I have much to say. It seems like everyone else has similar struggles and feelings. I've had mood issues since I was 12, and I used to believe things would get better as I got older. But now, it feels like that's not happening, and maybe it never will. I feel like this burden has been with me since birth, something I can't escape.

Ending all this pain isn't easy, though. There are so many things to consider because relationships and connections are so complicated—places, people, time, and everything else. In this confusing world, just trying to find a way to lessen the pain and bring some order to things feels overwhelming.

So, here's what I really want to know: is there still a reason to keep going? When I was younger, I had hope that things could change, but ever since I started thinking about ending my life, it feels like, if I'm going to die anyway, maybe it would be better to go sooner. What do you think? Do you have reasons to keep going, or do you feel like ending things sooner might be better?

 

[ijustwishtodie]

In my case, I don't have a reason to keep on going. I'm only alive because I don't have access to a suicide method plus, even if I could access a suicide method, I'd be terrified of failing the attempt and ending up far worse than if I were to never attempt in the first place. I can't personally say that I'm still alive due to a positive related reason like having a goal or wanting something within life as that just isn't me at all. Of course this is different compared to somebody who wants something out of life which imo is most members here.

In my case, an earlier death is always better than a later death

 

[cotton]

If one side of the scale that is misery is not outweighed by the side that's pleasure, it's hard to justify why life is worth enduring.

If it's made to be so, and cannot be changed, it brings into question that it's not necessarily life doing the weighing, it's people.

If we can't all have this balance we should blame each other. God made it possible to have balance and even favour for the balance that's more pleasurable .. if we can't live happily by being given a balance... Are we living for change that may never happen, or won't until we all start behaving differently...?

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

In my case I don't think there's anything that can better better. It will only get worse. I fucked up every aspect of my life beyond repair. Waited for things to get better but as I got older I realized it is a fucking lie. And even if my problems were to disappear magically one day, life still has no meaning. I cannot exist without meaning. There is nothing to live for.

I miss being religious sometimes. Gosh did it feel good to be so damn delusional.

 

[deadstillwalking]

I miss being religious sometimes. Gosh did it feel good to be so damn delusional.

This. Whenever a religious person starts yapping about God and his wonders I have huge urges to break it to them but then again I know that I used to be like that and was much happier when I did.

 

[Thlaxfigurada]

To me there's no reason either. Only reason why I'm still alive is because I can't find DMC/SN seller (too stupid to find clues)

Even if there is reason to live, something will happen anyway (people dying, you being injured in some way, loss of finances). I don't see why we are being forced to live in this world without escape. This world is pro suffering…

 

[SVEN]

I'm here because I have others depending on me for care. I'd probably feel that, for me, it wouldn't be so much is there a point to my living, as does death seem preferable. Unless life is unendurable (and only you know the load you bear daily) then my own thought would be that ctb is a once and for all decision, so it had best be one of which we're sure. As long as undecided to any extent I'd always suggest waiting until 100% sure.
Best wishes in whatever you decide, it's always your choice and you know we support you whatever you finally decide.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Similarly to you, my suicidal thoughts began early- when I was 10 and they've been with me to varying intensities ever since. I've always felt like I couldn't do it though, while certain people in my life were still alive. My Dad is the final one remaining. So- I stay more out of a sense of obligation to be honest.

Seeing as I knew/ know I'm stuck here though, I've tried to make life as bearable as possible. For me, that meant trying to pursue a career in something I mostly enjoyed at least. For certain periods in life, it gave me a strong sense of purpose- even though the ideation was still there.

It's been my crutch throughout life but I do feel more like I'm limping towards the finishing line now. Even things that would have filled me with hope at one time just kind of confuse me now because I'm not even sure I want them anymore. It just feels like more stuff I'm going to have to do, when I'm already exhausted.

So, I personally think- if you're not sure whether it's your time yet then yes- it is still worth working towards life stuff. You never know what might come of it. On the other hand, I also get other people's reasoning that they are certain they are going to CTB, so- what's the point? I think some even strategically do nothing in order to back themselves into a corner where they feel they'll have to CTB. Personally, I wouldn't want to pit that kind of pressure on myself but in some ways, I have an overly anxious/ cautious personality.

 

[divinemistress36]

In my case I don't think there's anything that can better better. It will only get worse. I fucked up every aspect of my life beyond repair. Waited for things to get better but as I got older I realized it is a fucking lie. And even if my problems were to disappear magically one day, life still has no meaning. I cannot exist without meaning. There is nothing to live for.

I miss being religious sometimes. Gosh did it feel good to be so damn delusional.

I'd be happier if I believed in a magical sky daddy who was looking out for me

 

[FuneralCry]

Personally I'd always prefer to not exist, I've suffered for so long already and more than anything I wish I never suffered at all, I'll always see existence as completely undesirable and I'm always wishing to erase my existence, I just want all to be gone for me. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

This. Whenever a religious person starts yapping about God and his wonders I have huge urges to break it to them but then again I know that I used to be like that and was much happier when I did.

Ikr? Felt so good until the bubble bursted.

I'd be happier if I believed in a magical sky daddy who was looking out for me

Yes..it was definitely a nice feeling, to think that someone is always there for me, someone who understood me perfectly.

 

[hereornot]

The only reason that would make me change my mind or actually try would be to get rid of the psychopath who stalks me, tampering with my things to harm me and steal from me. Even if I become a millionaire, I can't live with this mentally ill person cloning everything I have, terrifying me and blackmailing me.

I don't know if it's my brother, but someone working for him, for sure. Bad people who spy on everyone's lives without any shame.