A poll. Why do you want CTB?

[sasu4444]

Suicide Suicide Suicide.

I still feel scared of the word sometime, so I'm saying it to make myself comfortable. I have seen conversations about why people want CTB, and I think I see some groups, but I'm not sure. I hope maybe these are the right groups, but I may be wrong. If I'm wrong, I'm sorry, I just want to understand better (About suicide, about people? about myself? I'm not sure I even know, but its a question that I have)

I have looked but see no poll with this question. But maybe I missed it? If I missed it, I'm sorry and this can be deleted.

I know many people would choose many options, but I want to know main reason. But happy to learn more about why that choice, or perhaps why I'm missing one or misunderstanding.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish to permanently cease existing as I have no interest in suffering in this torturous, futile existence, to me existence itself is the problem as after all it's the source of all suffering and ultimate cause of all that torments existing beings, I'd always prefer to not exist no matter what than be burdened with this existence capable of suffering to unlimited amounts, I just want true permanent peace instead of being conscious in this existence that always felt like the most terrible tragic mistake to me.

I personally find it so painful to suffer in this deeply undesirable existence I was never meant for and never would have chosen, I find it so dreadful how this existence that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there were never a need for was even imposed at all. To permanently not exist is all I could ever hope for and is all I see as desirable, the thought of suffering in this existence just to die in agony from old age is horrific to me, for me non-existence is all that's positive, only ceasing to exist can bring me peace, I'd be so relieved to never exist ever again.

 

[grid zer0]

I want to finally sleep

 

[NonEssential]

Too bad it's not possible to check multiple, I'd check: I hate myself, I'm scared of the world, loneliness and money issues

 

[Namelesa]

I would say its better to have it to allow you to make multiple choices as some people have multiple reasons to want to ctb. For me its that life is often boring and repetitive and empty and if I try to do something to get me out of that it will either end up being samey like everything else or isn't sustainable such as making friends which will leave me and will end up with me being more hurt. I just can't handle this anymore and don't see a point to suffering through this torture and don't see much way to get better. Its also cus I hate myself cus people leaving me and doing things I am forever guilty and don't want to live with self-hatred but its mostly the repetitive boring nature of life and hating a world that is designed around this way of life that makes me want to die.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I have multiple reasons such as how an earlier death is better than a later death due to life being so risky and full of suffering. I also don't have any interest, motivation or endurance to push through life and do what is demanded from me. I want to be free from all suffering and pain permanently and I can only do so by being dead as non existence doesn't harm me whereas existence does harm me. Additionally, there's also the pointlessness of existence and how I'm going to die anyways so why should I prolong the inevitable? I have yet to receive a good answer to that question.

 

[Boots2Scoots]

For me personally, I hate myself due to mistakes I've made. Things that while I know I could find forgiveness in others, I'll never be able to forgive myself or perceive myself in the same light that I once did. My life is actually really good outside of my past. But living everyday in my mind is complete torture and it's only getting worse as time goes on. CTB is the only way I'll ever "feel better" again.

 

[SilentSadness]

I think all of these things come down to "I hate the world", which is true, it is broken and terrible.

 

[LostLily]

I hate myself, I lost faith in the world, I can't compete in this hyper competitive society and I'm tired of living and fighting my anxiety and depression

 

[Johnzaga23]

where is the option "all the above"? mostly because i failed myself and my life sucks

 

[sximii]

I'm autistic and I have BPD, being suicidal is literally part of BPD. Those two things, especially in combination make living extremely difficult. I won't bother writing a long paragraph in the details, you can just Google BPD and/or autism and it'll be pretty obvious.

 

[kasper?]

Онкология. Я считаю, что лучше прожить пару месяцев и сделать КПТ, чем годами мучиться и терпеть. Результат тот же, разница только в количестве страданий..

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I literally could write a 10,000 page book on the reasons for me to kill these monstrous cells they call a human body that they trapped me into. but since there is no space i'll just type a few random reasons why i think any sentient being should want to ctb asap. and i'll pick some that i haven't seen anywhere else exept my own writings.

the human brain can create pain and suffering that is a billion times worse than you can remember or imagine.

there is pain so bad that one minute of it makes everything else meaningless.

that's why they have tortured people throughout history becasue torture is the only way to make a human do and say things they would never do otherwise , to break a human. and i think 99% of humans can be tortured like ripping off the finger nails slowly at once many tortures they have done . but people have no idea how bad that would feel.

they made this world a prison where if you fall into a trap of constant unbearable pain you have no easy guranteed instant painless way to move away from that unbearable pain.

they made wanting to escape extreme torture a cime . that shows how evil this world is. they made wanting to escape extreme torture a crime. if im in excruciating pain i can't hire someone to shoot me and put me out of pain because they made that a crime. same thing for a suicide booth like a sarco, nembutal, cyanide capsules everything they made a crime to make us all slsaves prisoners . and 99% of people have no clue that they made this a prison and that everyone has no rigth nor ability to move away form extreme suffering or extreme pain in a guaranteed quick way . and everyone is ok with this and think this is disney world instead of the hell prison it is. no one is immune to extreme torture . so everyone is in danger every sentient animal is . dna base life made every sucessive generation be able to suffer / feel pain worse and worse. for 100's of millions of years evolution made the torture chamber worse and worse. only the animals that could suffer the worst pain would work so hard to relieve that pain as from hunger starvation cold injuries . this is how evolution works : 2 animals have a lot of children offspring but each has diffeerent characteristics . those with the characteristics that make the animal live longer pass on their genes to more offspring.

the pro-lifers say but life is sooooo gooood you can eat a sandwich like animals eat and that's sooo goood . enjoy . so be my slave to eat goood mmm yeah kneel.
i say is eating a fuking sandwich worth an hour of the worst pain imaginable the worst torture ? no not even a minute of it. not even a few seconds. i felt bad pain for a second and i could never imagine not being able to move away from that pain for 10 secons much less a minute .

i guess people don't even know what is life and what is a human. i see humans as just that first cell multiplied into 30 trillion copies of it. 86 billion of those cells are the brain which is a torture chamber. is a human a brain . Yes. is a human cells yes. is the brain 86 billion brain cells , neurons? yes . can those brain cells connect into networks to create unending unbearable pain. ? yes the brain is a torture chamber. a human is a brain that can suffer unending constant unbearable pain.

i could keep going . i'm not a writer and i'm not smarter than anyone. i just wonder why no one has explored these topics. and i have hypothesized why no one has but i won't post it here. anyone can figure out or do anything if they focus on it and work hours per day . i guess most people are focused on what the culture progamms us to be on TV youtube sports news social media religion romantic relationships making friends other people political ideologies and thousands of things related to those meaningless things that keep one innefective and away from real reality.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Weirdly, my reasons don't exactly fit with any of the options. I'm not massively filled with hate at me or the world. There are certainly things I don't like about both but, I'm more placid than that really. I'm alone but not lonely. Health isn't dreadful. Money could help in the short term. Maybe money is the closest issue.

Really though, mine is more of an apathy towards the world. A feeling that it simply isn't worth the effort to participate in life. Not exactly anhedonia. I can still experience pleasure. I'm just fed up with having to work and pay for it! Plus, a fear that life will only get harder as I get older with increasing health problems and decreasing energy/ money. So, it's more like a complete reluctance to make the effort to live and sustain myself in the presence coupled with a (realistic) fear that the future is only going to get worse!

 

[lilichka]

i hate the world and myself by extension.

 

[Redacted24]

Because I feel like a transplanted organ that the (world) body has rejected

 

[Ligottian]

I clicked Other. Fear of all the future horrors and pain that can add to my already surplus of misery.

 

[bananaolympus]

Physical,neurological,mental pain and loneliness

 

[-nobodyknows-]

A number of reasons, I guess. I don't really like myself, I'm lonely, and I feel like I don't really belong here. I also dont want to be a burden. And, I also just find life painful, though I think I could get over that if I actually had a reason to live

 

[gonegal95]

Honestly if you hate yourself but have health, funds, supportive network I really think you should stay. I would die for what you have.
I have none of those, so I'm out. I don't hate myself. I am just miserable literally all the fucking time. Poor health, no money, no family. I tried to make a community support network. But the truth is, and this isn't just some emo thought, this is psychology / sociology, but nobody wants to associate with a leper. Nobody wants to support someone who provides zero value and is desperate. And I am a desperate leper among society. Im tired of it all. I don't have fear of dying. I've made peace with it. It's actually the kindest thing I can do for myself. It's what my heart desires.

 

[TheHolySword]

seems like the thing to do

Honestly if you hate yourself but have health, funds, supportive network I really think you should stay. I would die for what you have.
I have none of those, so I'm out. I don't hate myself. I am just miserable literally all the fucking time. Poor health, no money, no family. I tried to make a community support network. But the truth is, and this isn't just some emo thought, this is psychology / sociology, but nobody wants to associate with a leper. Nobody wants to support someone who provides zero value and is desperate. And I am a desperate leper among society. Im tired of it all. I don't have fear of dying. I've made peace with it. It's actually the kindest thing I can do for myself. It's what my heart desires.

I'm sorry to hear that you don't have any of it but honestly it's not a suffering olympics. i'm quite confident that there are people who have it worse than you and would rather have your life, even if you may not think so. you don't know what anyone else's life is like to be able to say that they should stay. anyone should be able to die for any reason they want

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

All of the above:

• I hate myself - AuDHD
• I hate the world - I hate Mr. Beast, the Paul brothers, all these OnlyFans whores, useless "influencers" and I hate the braindead degenerates that worship them even more. I also hate every last attention-starved asswipe with a loud car exhaust.
• I'm scared of the world - President Musk and Vice President Zuckerberg should have everyone scared.
• Physical pain - I'm 45, eveything hurts
• Loneliness - Exhaustion and social anxiety is not worth hanging out with people
• Money issues - Have lost at least $60k gambling on penny stocks past half decade

 

[areyousafe??]

I'm a weak person who just doesn't want to do life anymore. You have to work to live, and you live to work, but work is torture to me.

Death is non existence, and not existing sounds so appealing.

 

[BlazingBob]

All of the above:

• I hate myself - AuDHD
• I hate the world - I hate Mr. Beast, the Paul brothers, all these OnlyFans whores, useless "influencers" and I hate the braindead degenerates that worship them even more. I also hate every last attention-starved asswipe with a loud car exhaust.
• I'm scared of the world - President Musk and Vice President Zuckerberg should have everyone scared.
• Physical pain - I'm 45, eveything hurts
• Loneliness - Exhaustion and social anxiety is not worth hanging out with people
• Money issues - Have lost at least $60k gambling on penny stocks past half decade

I'm 52 and feel the same. Out of all of those things the physical problems are the worst.

 

[billie]

i can't deal with my bpd and ed anymore

 

[indenial]

i am isolated and lonely and everything has been going wrong. i lack the ability to make friends or have a happy social life. i'm old and tired. the worst part of my life has been the past 6 months and there seems to be nothing to change that so here i am ready to learn what to do about it.

 

[resurgence]

i have no desire to be here, im only here out of obligation.
i have felt different and other since i was a kid, and around 10 i realized i didnt wanna be here. its never gone away.

 

[danny10]

I hate the world, I hate myself and I'm out of money. But that would be 3 answers....

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I realistically have a lot of reasons, but the biggest one is I hate this world and would rather be dead than ever come back into it. I have been way too patient with trash and filth and would've rather been discarded and been seen as the filth than deal with its bullshit and abuse and lies, let alone misogyny and terror. There's so many problems in this world, yet the t exists and we (innocent and kind people) have to deal with it. Fuck that trash. Sounds like a nightmare waiting to become extinct. I rather been a corpse for all I cared than live another lie

 

[Kyotospade]

All of the above