mckk
Member
- Sep 15, 2023
- 7
I found out something about my boyfriend of 7 years. it is not cheating, but i wont elaborate further. i already knew part of it, but this extra piece of information has crippled me. i was already seriously considering it last night. i make a lot of stupid decisions ( i suspect i have bipolar at this point but have been afraid to reach out for help due to not trusting doctors or the government). I'd like to tell my full story and upload it on youtube before i go. if anyone would be interested in that.
he was the only reason i tried to stay alive. i have no contact with my family. i only recently found one best friend, and shes amazing, but with my constant suicidal thoughts she's just not worth sticking around for when ive been so miserable all my life. (im sorry K, if you see this, its just too much but i love you so much, you've really brought out out the best in me)
usually, when im sure i'll CTB, i begin drinking. I havent today. i think that means something. maybe im finally ready. i feel really calm.
the issue is, my method is always pills. but i know how hard it is to succeed in that way. im thinking of jumping. going somewhere so my bf wont see my body. maybe the bathtub method
the plan tonight is to go to a hotel, to collect my thoughts and be out of this house, and make a serious plan. thought about SN but i need time to research that a bit more.
so i will update if anyone cares. I'd also be down to talk if anyone could. thank you guys for listening. and i truly sorry for anyone reading this that struggles like me.
he was the only reason i tried to stay alive. i have no contact with my family. i only recently found one best friend, and shes amazing, but with my constant suicidal thoughts she's just not worth sticking around for when ive been so miserable all my life. (im sorry K, if you see this, its just too much but i love you so much, you've really brought out out the best in me)
usually, when im sure i'll CTB, i begin drinking. I havent today. i think that means something. maybe im finally ready. i feel really calm.
the issue is, my method is always pills. but i know how hard it is to succeed in that way. im thinking of jumping. going somewhere so my bf wont see my body. maybe the bathtub method
the plan tonight is to go to a hotel, to collect my thoughts and be out of this house, and make a serious plan. thought about SN but i need time to research that a bit more.
so i will update if anyone cares. I'd also be down to talk if anyone could. thank you guys for listening. and i truly sorry for anyone reading this that struggles like me.
