Venting a life ruined beyond redemption.

[AbsurdAbyss]

Sometimes I feel like I'm too sane to be insane, too insane to be sane. Events, life, people, voices, sights, ideas, memories only confuse, alienate, perplex me now. Every little thing I notice seems to get on my nerves, makes me wish I never existed. Can't deal with this anxiety anymore, can't keep up with the pace of things around me when I'm already starting to sound like a broken record. I don't want to "be myself", I don't want to be "somebody else", I just want to be - let me be. I'm running out of listing things I should know by now, but its still "never enough" - every new "lesson" invalidates the old but can't replace it. Wish I could talk to someone other than myself without hurting us both, just once. But I'll probably die before that's ever going to happen - it only gets worse every time I hope it doesn't.

 

[Gangrel]

You deserve peace instad of that. A big hug too my friend.

 

[AbsurdAbyss]

You deserve peace instad of that. A big hug too my friend.

Much appreciated, friend. Same to you.

 

[AbsentMindedHuman]

I feel that. I often feel like I'm faking my depression because I'm not stuck in bed all day, but then I have to remember I have been institutionalized and have gotten good at pretending.

 

[avalonisburning]

"Redemption" is a very lofty and idealistic word, which invites dreamers and optimists to come in and try to comfort and talk you up.

I like to keep it down to earth by saying I'm broken Beyond Economic Repair (BER). In engineering and automotive terms, it means that an asset is so badly damaged that the cost required to repair it is greater than the value it generates, which means that the asset should logically just be scrapped and replaced.