Venting A letter to my "father"

[burglarlydante]

I'm extremely grateful to Tropia for helping me come up with this idea with their latest video, plus there's a lot I need to say that hasn't been said before.

You are a detestable person and you really were a necessary poison in my life, for me to learn in pain, how not to be like a human being, yes, you failed as a human being but mainly as a father.
You were cruel, you humiliated me in front of everyone in the house, you cursed me a lot when you were angry, you used emotional and material blackmail to get me to come to your house, which let's be honest was worse than a horror movie madhouse, where you sleep without knowing what tomorrow might hold for you, if one day the hope of a true "tomorrow" you gave me in your house.
You never really loved me, you never treated me like you should, of course you were sometimes a normal guy who didn't know what was going on, other times you became a demon full of rage and who took it all out on me, with his screams and physical assaults.
It made me afraid of having a life that didn't please you or that you liked, because I'll be honest I ALWAYS WANTED TO PLEASE YOU AND BE THE BEST FOR YOU, BECAUSE I NEEDED YOUR APPROVAL IN ANY WAY, WHAT ABOUT YOU? WHAT WOULD YOU DO TO MAKE ME FEEL LOVED?
oh yeah, YOU MOLESTED ME AND SATISFYED YOURSELF WITH MY FRAGILITY AND INNOCENCE, YOU SON OF A BITCH
I LOVED YOU, AND YOU JUST MADE ME DESTROY ME
I lost friendships for years, due to the sequelae you left me, I am extremely dependent and paranoid because of you and it's no use coming up with this talk that you love and accept me now, because everyone knows that you only have me" accepted" because of my suicide attempt because of you, because I never had sincere love coming from you, in addition to your excessive jealousy and your affective absence when it comes to brotherly love.
You think you're never wrong, you think you're someone who never hurt me and that I'm the crazy one, well the crazy one here will be a much better man than you dream of being, I'll be a better brother, a better friend, a better son and above all, a better father.
You're an asshole and I hate that, I hate that I ever loved you, that I trusted you with my life, thank you for messing with my psyche and making me the broken guy I am today. Thank you for treating me badly when the only thing I gave you was just love, thank you for making me attached to you in a way where I blame myself for our relationship never working out, even though I was your victim and I was totally destroyed because of you and for having made me hallucinate and irreparably traumatized and for making me hell with everyone I love because of my problems and the sequelae you left behind.
THANK YOU FOR BEING MY BIGGEST PROBLEM, THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME NEED TO SEE YOU EVEN IT HURTS A LOT AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN SUCCESSFUL AT ANYTHING IN MY LIFE.
I hate you dad, and you know there's no turning back.
You're a monster and I wanted to die because of you.
~ by your son

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really horrific how humans can create so much harm, it's just so incredibly unfair how you've had to suffer so much.

 

[whywere]

I am so very sorry, my heart breaks into a million pieces after reading your letter. I have talked about my dad so much on here, as far as he always called me "the mistake" to my face and always in public and then kicked me out at 18 and never heard from either of my parents again, 100% their choice.

Your letter made me cry for you as I so remember all the hell that my parents, especially my dad, put me through. I always wondered if it would be only like 5% of the reason that I have had 2 attempts.

Sending you lots of huge hugs, love, caring, understanding and a wish that you have a pleasant rest of today and the upcoming week.

Walter

 

[Gaga786]

My heart broke while reading that because it resonated with me– given my own problems with my father. Im sorry that you had to endure that, and I totally understand your pain. Please take care of yourself, I wish you the best.