A girlfriend would save me

[iheartethanpage]

I honestly feel that if I had someone who I could hold at the end of the day I wouldn't be suicidal. I realize that I sound like a total loser incel (which I am) saying this, but in no way am I saying I deserve a girlfriend. I'm a total loser with no good qualities. But if I'm honest I wouldn't feel this way if I could just talk to or hug someone. My friends often tell me I should go talk to someone but they don't get it. I can't. I'm an ND loser bitch who gets teary talking to strangers because it's so unbelievably uncomfortable. Does anyone else feel this way?

 

[returntothestars]

As someone who is severely socially anxious and borderline agoraphobic at this point, I can completely understand not being able to 'just go talk' to someone. Especially when that someone can be considered a random stranger. With that being said, even in my last serious relationship I still struggled with chronic (and persistent) suicidal ideation.

 

[Kokonoe]

typically i feel like i would agree with your statement. i feel completely unlovable, too, and i also acknowledge that i am just not deserving of love. no one should ever deserve to settle for someone like me. i thought just having someone to share my life with would make it all worth living, though.
and while i'm not currently in a relationship, i now have someone i've been talking to who prioritizes me and spends almost all their time with me. i never once thought i would ever experience companionship like this. but i still want to die. i still am hurt by all the same things. i'm still miserable. life still isn't worth it. maybe it's not the same because it's not the same as love and a real relationship. but the main thing i wanted from a relationship is to rarely have to be alone anymore and to have someone to come home to. and now that i sort of have that, i realize it doesn't change much.
i guess that's a really long winded way of saying i don't think it gets better. im sorry.