A friend of mine

[vanillacherry]

A friend of mine struggles with depression like myself, only he has manic depression and I have dysthymia. We can only relate to each other to a certain degree. He wanted to make a suicide pact with me, and now, it's not like I want to be alive, but there's a higher chance of me moving out of a bad situation, and that alone has given me hope. I'm the type to expect disappointment so I can't be disappointed, but the hope won't go away. And it's a nice change.

This friend of mine is not exactly close to me. We were in the same class for a few months and bonded over an anime show we both like. He helped me with homework and I helped him with school projects. A mutual transaction imo. A month back, he reached out and told me he wanted to kill himself. And I wasn't surprised. He flaunts his suicide attempts like badges of honour. Where as myself, I open up on this web page.

And recently he came to me and asked me if I wanted to die. He took my hesitation to answer as yes. He then proceeded to take out his laptop and wrote out some sort of contract that we both had to kill ourselves by the end of the next month. I don't know what the consequences are if I don't. And I was bewildered by this. And it had me thinking. Am I actually suicidal? Because my hesitation to agree with this arrangement had me pondering. I originally thought that I just didn't want to bring someone out with me and I wanted to die alone. What does one make of this?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Personally, I don't think it's fair for anyone to put that amount of pressure on another person. Even if they are sure they do want to suicide- to coax them into a written agreement feels very off to me.

To flip the circumstances- if he's so keen to die- why does he need someone with him to do it?

But no- I don't think it necessarily means your suicidal feelings aren't genuine. Just that certain forced circumstances feel off. Besides- if you are feeling some hope towards life now- that may well be confusing things too.

Did you actually sign it? It's a new one on me. Of course, I've heard of suicide pacts. I even made a half joking, half serious one with a friend at school. But, to draw up a contract comes across as manipulative- to me. Sorry to be insulting towards your friend.

 

[Jadeith]

Suicide is a choice. Yours to make and yours alone. Neither your "friend" nor anyone else should influence your decision.
If you decide that you are ready and want to go then you go. When you decide so and the way you decide to do it.
If you are hesitating or are unsure then don't. Keep in mind that you cannot reverse consequences of this decision.

And personally, pushing you into some kind of contract, as if you owed anything in this matter to anyone, i find deeply disturbing.