I had a wonderful life when I was little. I had wonderful famiy and friend relation ships. It was so beautiful that I would call my friends my family. My biggest problem back then how can I be happier?
When I was 15, 16 or 17 (I cant remember exactly) I had a girlfriend. She become of my whole life. Her eyes like my galaxy. Whenever I put my head on my knee and close my eyes, It was like Im forgetting my whole life and moving another world. We never slept and I wasn't bothered by it. I would just go to her and watch her for hours. Only one day, a topic was opened on this and she said that she would not be bothered to dress next to me. I was mesmerized when I heard it. Knowing that she trusts me so much even though we've been together for years was making me really drunk. We spend years together and like all good things Its over. Another guy entered her life and we broke up. She built a new happy life for herself and I fell into my new dark life.
My current life started with that. When I close my eyes; I was seeing her dressing with another guy. It was a one-shot scene but I wanted to bang my head against the wall when I saw it. I could never sleep. I couldnt even close my eyes, that scene is always there. I tried to kill my self too many times. That was the only solition to get rid of this shit. I cutted my wrists, I couldnt die. I jumped, I couldnt die. I made hydrogen cyanide and inhaled it, I couldnt die. By this time my soul was already dead I just wanted to stop my heart. Finally I took a gun and held it to my head. I pulled the trigger slowly in all the tears. And boom. The gun didnt go off. I couldn't die in my last resort. I thought I was cursed or something.
Its been years over all of them. Im 20 now and believe me nothing changed. Im not seeing her but still getting panic attacks when I think her or hear her name. I received support from psychiatrists for years. I used many drugs. When I see people like me, like living my life I am very sorry for I can't do anything for them and that they are slowly dying like me. I dont know how we fix this. Im living with that for years but I no longer enjoy anything. My life is getting worse. I lost all my friends because of this situation, I don't see my family, I have financial problems, I was expelled from my school because of alcohol.
I just wanted to share you my story I'm sorry if I didn't give you what you wanted and English is not my main language so Im sorry If my sentences don't make sense.
When I was 15, 16 or 17 (I cant remember exactly) I had a girlfriend. She become of my whole life. Her eyes like my galaxy. Whenever I put my head on my knee and close my eyes, It was like Im forgetting my whole life and moving another world. We never slept and I wasn't bothered by it. I would just go to her and watch her for hours. Only one day, a topic was opened on this and she said that she would not be bothered to dress next to me. I was mesmerized when I heard it. Knowing that she trusts me so much even though we've been together for years was making me really drunk. We spend years together and like all good things Its over. Another guy entered her life and we broke up. She built a new happy life for herself and I fell into my new dark life.
My current life started with that. When I close my eyes; I was seeing her dressing with another guy. It was a one-shot scene but I wanted to bang my head against the wall when I saw it. I could never sleep. I couldnt even close my eyes, that scene is always there. I tried to kill my self too many times. That was the only solition to get rid of this shit. I cutted my wrists, I couldnt die. I jumped, I couldnt die. I made hydrogen cyanide and inhaled it, I couldnt die. By this time my soul was already dead I just wanted to stop my heart. Finally I took a gun and held it to my head. I pulled the trigger slowly in all the tears. And boom. The gun didnt go off. I couldn't die in my last resort. I thought I was cursed or something.
Its been years over all of them. Im 20 now and believe me nothing changed. Im not seeing her but still getting panic attacks when I think her or hear her name. I received support from psychiatrists for years. I used many drugs. When I see people like me, like living my life I am very sorry for I can't do anything for them and that they are slowly dying like me. I dont know how we fix this. Im living with that for years but I no longer enjoy anything. My life is getting worse. I lost all my friends because of this situation, I don't see my family, I have financial problems, I was expelled from my school because of alcohol.
I just wanted to share you my story I'm sorry if I didn't give you what you wanted and English is not my main language so Im sorry If my sentences don't make sense.
