A couple minutes ago i almost killed myself

[Account4521]

My body was shaking so much because i wanted to kill myself so strongly. Its extremely hard to not kill yourself at certain times during the week when you suddenly get this powerful urge to just end everything.

One of the hardest things in life is to want to die but try to fight it. It takes all my energi.

Im amazed every time i survive a suicide urge. How long can i fight it ?

 

[missmyworld]

You've fought it before, you'll get stronger each time I believe in you

 

[Account4521]

You've fought it before, you'll get stronger each time I believe in you

You've fought it before, you'll get stronger each time I believe in you

Once the suicide urge passes i get scared of killing myself but while its on i dont feel any fear of killing myself so that makes it so hard to fight the urge to kill myself. I dont feel the survivor Instinct during that time. All i feel is this powerful drive to kill myself.

 

[missmyworld]

Once the suicide urge passes i get scared of killing myself but while its on i dont feel any fear of killing myself so that makes it so hard to fight the urge to kill myself. I dont feel the survivor Instinct during that time. All i feel is this powerful drive to kill myself.

Is it like a form of mania? If you feel scared after, then it may just be impulsive/intrusive thoughts. Are you usually isolated when it happens?

 

[Account4521]

Is it like a form of mania? If you feel scared after, then it may just be impulsive/intrusive thoughts. Are you usually isolated when it happens?

Im usually by myself and its like you said. You describe it accurately. Its totally impulsiv and maniac. To the point where it could be necessary to strap me down to a chair with handcuffs so i cant hurt myself.

 

[spectraltease]

My body was shaking so much because i wanted to kill myself so strongly. Its extremely hard to not kill yourself at certain times during the week when you suddenly get this powerful urge to just end everything.

One of the hardest things in life is to want to die but try to fight it. It takes all my energi.

Im amazed every time i survive a suicide urge. How long can i fight it ?

I knocked myself out couple minutes ago. It was so so good. Like a fucking drug. I want to hang myself rn so much.

 

[Account4521]

I knocked myself out couple minutes ago. It was so so good. Like a fucking drug. I want to hang myself rn so much.

Sadly there is no drugs that can keep you unconscious for weeks. You can knock yourself out for a little bit or an entire day and find peace but at some point you will wake up and be back to wanting to die. Its interesting that only when your unconscious do you find true peace and whenever you are aware of your own existence you just start to think about killing yourself.

 

[marysfictionalworld]

My body was shaking so much because i wanted to kill myself so strongly. Its extremely hard to not kill yourself at certain times during the week when you suddenly get this powerful urge to just end everything.

One of the hardest things in life is to want to die but try to fight it. It takes all my energi.

Im amazed every time i survive a suicide urge. How long can i fight it ?

i believe in you; when i'm like this i try to remember this one david foster wallace quote where he says that there's no individual moment that is itself unendurable. maybe that'll be worth remembering

 

[Account4521]

i believe in you; when i'm like this i try to remember this one david foster wallace quote where he says that there's no individual moment that is itself unendurable. maybe that'll be worth remembering

I have felt unendurable moment when i tried to kill myself but failed a couple years ago. Spent a while at the mental hospital after.

 

[QueerMelancholy]

I've been doing it for about 30 years now myself. It doesn't get easier with time you just learn to spend more time thinking about it.

Maybe I'm just bitter now. I don't get as emotional as I used to do.

But a lot of it does seem like holding on to holding on.

Your bottom gets a little deeper and you adapt to that new realization of the world as you discover it.

Not easy but it does get simpler.

 

[Account4521]

I've been doing it for about 30 years now myself. It doesn't get easier with time you just learn to spend more time thinking about it.

Maybe I'm just bitter now. I don't get as emotional as I used to do.

But a lot of it does seem like holding on to holding on.

Your bottom gets a little deeper and you adapt to that new realization of the world as you discover it.

Not easy but it does get simpler.

I have Heath issues that have made me suicidal on top of my unstable emotions.