*a cop knows that I want to kill myself*

[Freakazette]

My mother called and told a cop that I'm thinking of CTB-ing...

What does this involve?

I mean, the cop said he just wanted to talk to me and I said I can talk in a week ( and he didn't even wonder why, and actually I just wanted to have the time to CTB ) . But I don't have the meds yet, just the SN, maybe I won't have time to CTB before that.

BUT he knows, what does this mean? The first thing that he asked me was if I'm okay, though . He called many times but I didn't know the number so that's why I didn't answer. Afterwards he wrote a message in order to inform me who he was, but still I didn't want to talk, didn't feel like it, no energy, just agony...

And since he also gave me one week, it's like no one is even alarmed... And I kinda get it, it takes too much time to even die. I imagine already, when I will have some of the stuff to CTB ( with SN, not all, no benzos ), I will be afraid of pain and if I fail... The pain of dying even though I want this, it's pure contradiction. Who knew that it takes courage... THIS MUCH COURAGE, research & preparation! People say that you're coward to take your own life... It's not even remotely like that whatsoever!

And I came to the realisation that I'm THAT weak, if I cannot die at least... WEAK! And this conclusion is making me so saaad! ( there's no other way around besides death and now I found out already how fearful I am of pain & failure, both at the same time, at maximum level ). BUT IT HAS TO BE DONE!

And why do I care how my body will look like, afterwards, when they'll find me as well? Why do I care about these stuff also? I mean it's more depressing and excruciating the fact that I need to not be afraid of both pain and failure!

 

[92MS]

Why don't you give him a chance it is not like he can make it any worse you already want to ctb so if you don't like what he is saying you can go back to your plan

 

[Freakazette]

Why don't you give him a chance it is not like he can make it any worse you already want to ctb so if you don't like what he is saying you can go back to your plan

@92MS , really? How old are you, btw? Maybe you can even get arrested or internated, right?

Why would he want just to...talk?

 

[Life_and_Death]

@92MS , really? How old are you, btw? Maybe you can even get arrested or internated, right?

Why would he want just to...talk?

if you let them actually try to help you the chances of that typically go down. i have professionals that know im a danger to myself and others and ive never had anything happen

 

[92MS]

@92MS , really? How old are you, btw? Maybe you can even get arrested or internated, right?

Why would he want just to...talk?

They won't do that unless your condition is really bad obviously don't tell him everything and stay vague about your condition especially about your method and your plan. Most likely they will do nothing or just refer you Psychologist.
if he wanted to put you in psychiatrist he wouldn't agree to wait a week

 

[Freakazette]

They won't do that unless your condition is really bad obviously don't tell him everything and stay vague about your condition especially about your method and your plan. Most likely they will do nothing or just refer you Psychologist.
if he wanted to put you in psychiatrist he wouldn't agree to wait a week

@92MS , I don't want to talk to him about anything at all... You get me? I actually wanted to CTB before ever doing that. Talking is futile. I have the right to die... And, the irony of it all, even dying is THAT hard, though you're like already death in excruciating pain.

 

[WornOutLife]

The more submissive and willing to talk you are, the sooner they'll stop asking questions.
I pretended to stop being suicidal for some months and finally got my freedom back.

Whatever happens, wish you the best!

Hugs,

Matt

 

[92MS]

@92MS , I don't want to talk to him about anything at all... You get me? I actually wanted to CTB before ever doing that. Talking is futile. I have the right to die... And, the irony of it all, even dying is THAT hard, though you're like already death in excruciating pain.

It is obviously up to you at the end
Wish you the best whatever you decide

 

[Freakazette]

How sad... Only with you guys here I can talk about something that has to do with CTBing.

if you let them actually try to help you the chances of that typically go down. i have professionals that know im a danger to myself and others and ive never had anything happen

@Life_and_Death , what did you meant by "typically go down?". I will try all my best to have something occur ( CTB ), this is all that I want and remained BUT it takes hell of a courage and mind put into it. Luckily, with this site, found out about SN. However, even CTB-ing is not that easy and painfree.

 

[Life_and_Death]

what did you meant by "typically go down?"

if youre asking what i meant by 'typically' im assuming it depends on where you live so considering i live in canada, from my understanding one of the better counties for getting help, if youre in one of the countries that arent quite as helpful the chances of you actually trying to get help might not change whether you get put in psych or not.

i hope that made sense lol

 

[Freakazette]

The more submissive and willing to talk you are, the sooner they'll stop asking questions.
I pretended to stop being suicidal for some months and finally got my freedom back.

Whatever happens, wish you the best!

Hugs,

Matt

I just want to CTB, not be submissive and talk, talking doesn't resolve anything at all. And then I should lie about not wanting to die? That's why I want to avoid talking... I didn't want to tell him where I moved and he asked me out of the blue: "are you hiding something?", why would I want to hide anything, something? He already knows something that he shouldn't have, with the dying part. Oh, and I was like I don't want anybody to come here ( to interrupt me ctb-ing ), even though I want to be found after 1-2 days.

What do you mean by freedom? I'm not well, health issues, I cannot stay here in agony in pain, I just want to reach death faster and that's all - I was going to die eventually, anyway. And if my health is this bad and deterriorated at 30, I don't want to open my eyes in pain one more day...

 

[Life_and_Death]

I'm not well, health issues, I cannot stay here in agony in pain, I just want to reach death faster and that's all - I was going to die eventually, anyway. And if my health is this bad and deterriorated at 30, I don't want to open my eyes in pain one more day...

you most likely have but under the chances that you havent, have you tried doctor assisted suicide? if the health problems are bad enough you can get that. (just a rant. what constitutes as "bad enough" anyway? dude if theyre asking for it, they probably dont feel to damn good)

 

[WornOutLife]

I just want to CTB, not be submissive and talk, talking doesn't resolve anything at all. And then I should lie about not wanting to die? That's why I want to avoid talking... I didn't want to tell him where I moved and he asked me out of the blue: "are you hiding something?", why would I want to hide anything, something? He already knows something that he shouldn't have, with the dying part. Oh, and I was like I don't want anybody to come here ( to interrupt me ctb-ing ), even though I want to be found after 1-2 days.

What do you mean by freedom? I'm not well, health issues, I cannot stay here in agony in pain, I just want to reach death faster and that's all - I was going to die eventually, anyway. And if my health is this bad and deterriorated at 30, I don't want to open my eyes in pain one more day...

What I meant is that you should pretend that you're interested in talking so that they stop asking questions and then you can do whatever you want.

For instance, I lost my freedom and was forced to live with my parents. There was no way I could ctb like that so, I needed to be an independent person again but due to the fact they knew I was suicidal, there was just no way for me to be allowed to live alone again.

Thus, that's why I pretended. I can ctb whenever I want now and will probably do it in a few years.

I agree with you. Pro-life talking makes no sense but if you don't wanna be sectioned, you just gotta pretend to be okay because suspicious suicidal behaviour will only make others want to monitored you more!

Whether it's living or ctb, hope you can finally find peace!!

 

[Freakazette]

What I meant is that you should pretend that you're interested in talking so that they stop asking questions and then you can do whatever you want.

For instance, I lost my freedom and was forced to live with my parents. There was no way I could ctb like that so, I needed to be an independent person again but due to the fact they knew I was suicidal, there was just no way for me to be allowed to live alone again.

Thus, that's why I pretended. I can ctb whenever I want now and will probably do it in a few years.

I agree with you. Pro-life talking makes no sense but if you don't wanna be sectioned, you just gotta pretend to be okay because suspicious suicidal behaviour will only make others want to monitored you more!

Whether it's living or ctb, hope you can finally find peace!!

@WornOutLife

But, my parents already know that I'm suicidal... And they said that its my choice.

And thanks for all your writing!

 

[Life_and_Death]

But, my parents already know that I'm suicidal... And they said that its my choice.

sorry if im intruding but im curious, if they are ok with it why would she call the cops? obviously feel free to not answer

 

[GlassAlwaysEmpty]

I'm in the UK. I've told a police officer I have active suicidal thoughts before.
Too be fair they were pretty helpful, well as much as they could be.

I had a few calls from some sort of welfare officer from the police a few times in the span of a week, just seeing how I am and how they can help.
They contacted my GP to alert them to the situation

 

[Freakazette]

sorry if im intruding but im curious, if they are ok with it why would she call the cops? obviously feel free to not answer

@Life_and_Death

I don't know why my mom told them I want to kill myself. This part. But she doesn't want to receive messages from me, I guess. I'm living alone from the moment my health issues arised and I felt like writing to her. But I'm too much in pain, maybe she wanted me to be "happy-go-lucky" . She didn't even told me to not text her anymore, she called directly a cop. But he was just concerned about my willing to go / CTB-ing, not that I bothered her with the texts. At first, I thought that it was solely about texting her... And then he said: I know you want to kill yourself. Are you ok? and so on.

I'm in the UK. I've told a police officer I have active suicidal thoughts before.
Too be fair they were pretty helpful, well as much as they could be.

I had a few calls from some sort of welfare officer from the police a few times in the span of a week, just seeing how I am and how they can help.
They contacted my GP to alert them to the situation

@GlassAlwaysEmpty , maybe it depends in which part of the world you're living... and if just talking helps you at all.

 

[Anonymous 4]

My mother called and told a cop that I'm thinking of CTB-ing...

What does this involve?

I mean, the cop said he just wanted to talk to me and I said I can talk in a week ( and he didn't even wonder why, and actually I just wanted to have the time to CTB ) . But I don't have the meds yet, just the SN, maybe I won't have time to CTB before that.

BUT he knows, what does this mean? The first thing that he asked me was if I'm okay, though . He called many times but I didn't know the number so that's why I didn't answer. Afterwards he wrote a message in order to inform me who he was, but still I didn't want to talk, didn't feel like it, no energy, just agony...

And since he also gave me one week, it's like no one is even alarmed... And I kinda get it, it takes too much time to even die. I imagine already, when I will have some of the stuff to CTB ( with SN, not all, no benzos ), I will be afraid of pain and if I fail... The pain of dying even though I want this, it's pure contradiction. Who knew that it takes courage... THIS MUCH COURAGE, research & preparation! People say that you're coward to take your own life... It's not even remotely like that whatsoever!

And I came to the realisation that I'm THAT weak, if I cannot die at least... WEAK! And this conclusion is making me so saaad! ( there's no other way around besides death and now I found out already how fearful I am of pain & failure, both at the same time, at maximum level ). BUT IT HAS TO BE DONE!

And why do I care how my body will look like, afterwards, when they'll find me as well? Why do I care about these stuff also? I mean it's more depressing and excruciating the fact that I need to not be afraid of both pain and failure!

The police do not care if you CBT, it will not effect his life if you die, they just brush it off and I'm sorry for that, you care what your body will look like due to ego, this will make your CBT more difficult, you need to let go of ego, its very hard, there is a lot of phycological elements involved with ending your life before your time regardless of the reasons, the more you understand them, the easier it will be to"let go" and just be at peace when you CTB,

I don't know your situation, and I hope you find some other way other then CTB I really do, I wish there was something some one could do to help you. Death should really be a last resort, and there a so many obstacles to over come to do it, both mentally and physically,

Heres a example, when some one OD's, or jumps of a building, from reports of survivers they say the moment they done it they regretted it, this is a normal, mental reaction at the moment after attempt, so knowing this, you need to know that, so when you feel that regret it can be managed abit better and make your passing abit easier,

I hope this can help in some way, and if you can find another option them CBT, please do so

 

[Freakazette]

The police do not care if you CBT, it will not effect his life if you die, they just brush it off and I'm sorry for that, you care what your body will look like due to ego, this will make your CBT more difficult, you need to let go of ego, its very hard, there is a lot of phycological elements involved with ending your life before your time regardless of the reasons, the more you understand them, the easier it will be to"let go" and just be at peace when you CTB,

I don't know your situation, and I hope you find some other way other then CTB I really do, I wish there was something some one could do to help you. Death should really be a last resort, and there a so many obstacles to over come to do it, both mentally and physically,

Heres a example, when some one OD's, or jumps of a building, from reports of survivers they say the moment they done it they regretted it, this is a normal, mental reaction at the moment after attempt, so knowing this, you need to know that, so when you feel that regret it can be managed abit better and make your passing abit easier,

I hope this can help in some way, and if you can find another option them CBT, please do so

There's no regret at all with CTB-ing, I just don't want to survive...

Thanks a lot for your answer!

 

[blue_muse]

The more submissive and willing to talk you are, the sooner they'll stop asking questions.
I pretended to stop being suicidal for some months and finally got my freedom back.

Whatever happens, wish you the best!

Hugs,

Matt

I have to politely disagree about submissiveness and willingness to talk being a good thing. Part of policing is recognising someone's mental and/or physical handicaps. Being open may be counterproductive, because there's no sure way of knowing the cop has sincere intentions.