Venting A cautionary tale

[traingirl]

This is a message to anyone out there who might still have a chance at redemption. Please please PLEASE don't take antipsychotics unless you have no choice and you are forced on them. Unless your mental illness is so debilitating that you have to. I ruined my life and I didn't have to take these medications. I never had to. I had moderate depression. Moderate insomnia. Moderate anxiety. I didn't need something made for people in psychosis or bipolar. Don't be like me. My life is over at 23. I don't want to die. I feel like I have so much life left to live. But I have tried to get off and I am backed into a corner with no way out. I tried liquid tapering last night. I couldn't sleep at all. And my body jerked and flailed all throughout the night. I felt like I was being shocked by a taser. This is almost a worst torture than the day my mom committed suicide. Psychiatric drugs ruin the promising lives of so many people that could've lived long decent lives but instead have to navigate a hell like no other. And I have to listen to my friends tell me "Everything is going to be fine" when they would never know the half of what this bullshit feels like. There was a woman on here "claracatchingthebus" who told me I should try other things first. Ketamine, tapering. Well I've tried both. Ketamine made me more suicidal. And tapering went well until it didn't. I feel sad for my friends and for my family because they don't ever deserve to suffer for my stupid and foolish decisions but they will. I'm full of guilt for feeling the way I do.

 

[Bruce]

I've always been against medicine unless one has no other choice. Maybe try natural medicine before if any is know and available. But the usual drugs!? No! Even if they do work there are always side effects, the question is what and how strong are they. Besides, most mental problems should be healed with love and understanding not forcefully, like this.

 

[traingirl]

I've always been against medicine unless one has no other choice. Maybe try natural medicine before if any is know and available. But the usual drugs!? No! Even if they do work there are always side effects, the question is what and how strong are they. Besides, most mental problems should be healed with love and understanding not forcefully, like this.

I live in regret every day of my life. I could've been so much better off. I could've been ok. I ruined everything!

 

[Bruce]

I live in regret every day of my life. I could've been so much better off. I could've been ok. I ruined everything!

What did you actually take and what effect does it have on you?

 

[traingirl]

What did you actually take and what effect does it have on you?

Seroquel. Being on it makes me suicidal. Trying to go off it causes intense body jerks, body shocks, insomnia, nausea, anxiety, etc

 

[unbelievablydead]

hey so first off, thank you for writing this and warning other people about the dangers of these medications. while i don't know your full story, it doesn't sound like this is your fault at all. someone prescribed you those meds and advised you to take them. there was no way for you to know how your body/brain would react. it was the prescriber's responsibility to first prescribe a low dosage and monitor any adverse effects. so, i hope you can maybe find a way to take the blame off of yourself, and idk if it would help you at all, but it sounds like you'd be eligible for compensation for medical malpractice. i'm really sorry this happened to you, and again, it's not your fault.

 

[carfemtanyl]

Did you abruptly stop taking your meds?
If so, you're probably having withdrawal symptoms and you should try to take them again and then slowly lower the dose.

Antipsychotics can do a lot of damage tho. I was prescribed Risperidone for a week before I stopped taking it and it gave me a months long psychosis that nearly killed me. 0/10 wouldn't recommend.

 

[traingirl]

hey so first off, thank you for writing this and warning other people about the dangers of these medications. while i don't know your full story, it doesn't sound like this is your fault at all. someone prescribed you those meds and advised you to take them. there was no way for you to know how your body/brain would react. it was the prescriber's responsibility to first prescribe a low dosage and monitor any adverse effects. so, i hope you can maybe find a way to take the blame off of yourself, and idk if it would help you at all, but it sounds like you'd be eligible for compensation for medical malpractice. i'm really sorry this happened to you, and again, it's not your fault.

Maybe my dad could file a suit when I'm gone. I'm going to leave a bad review before I go on the psychiatrists page. But it's kind of pointless. He'll still go around being reckless and ruining others lives. Just like they all do.

 

[kitkat9234]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's absolutely horrible!!!!! Medications have also ruined me beyond repair. Been on so many of them off and on for years. Currently trying to come of seroquel too. It's a horrific drug and has ruined every aspect of my life!!!!! I was perscribed 400mg of it and currently on 250mg. The anxiety and insomnia are horrible, I already had these symptoms to begin with. I fear it's only going to get worse. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

 

[traingirl]

Did you abruptly stop taking your meds?
If so, you're probably having withdrawal symptoms and you should try to take them again and then slowly lower the dose.

Antipsychotics can do a lot of damage tho. I was prescribed Risperidone for a week before I stopped taking it and it gave me a months long psychosis that nearly killed me. 0/10 wouldn't recommend.

No, just one night doing a water taper and only decreasing my dose by 10% was enough to cause extreme muscle jerking, insomnia, and shocks. I don't understand if it was because of a lack of the medication or because the water taper hit my system stronger since it works faster than taking the tablet. It doesn't make any sense.

 

[ipmanwc0]

meds are generally a terrible scam that profits off of suffering and worsens it

 

[NutOrat]

Oh fuck I'm 23 and started taking antipsychotics recently. My depression is also moderate-severe, and really I don't think I needed them. Fuck...

 

[traingirl]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's absolutely horrible!!!!! Medications have also ruined me beyond repair. Been on so many of them off and on for years. Currently trying to come of seroquel too. It's a horrific drug and has ruined every aspect of my life!!!!! I was perscribed 400mg of it and currently on 250mg. The anxiety and insomnia are horrible, I already had these symptoms to begin with. I fear it's only going to get worse. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

It hurts so bad… it's like grieving the life you could've had without the medications. I may not be dead yet but I might as well be. I lost my vitality, my spark for life, my sanity. Anything that made life worth living! I can't stop crying today. I'm so mad. I'm so depressed. It just hurts like a knife being plunged in your chest knowing things could've been different. There were some aspects of my mental health that could've been under my control but I can't control this. I can't control the side effects of this medicine and what it's done to me.

Oh fuck I'm 23 and started taking antipsychotics recently. My depression is also moderate-severe, and really I don't think I needed them. Fuck...

You'll know when they're bad for you when your body starts screaming that it's devoid of emotion and can't feel anything and you feel so suicidal that you can't do anything. It blunted my emotions and made me feel suicidal at 50mg. I got down to 25mg and started feeling better but still tired during the day and lacking motivation. So I was going to start a water taper for new years and this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

 

[stack-audio]

This is a message to anyone out there who might still have a chance at redemption. Please please PLEASE don't take antipsychotics unless you have no choice and you are forced on them. Unless your mental illness is so debilitating that you have to. I ruined my life and I didn't have to take these medications. I never had to. I had moderate depression. Moderate insomnia. Moderate anxiety. I didn't need something made for people in psychosis or bipolar. Don't be like me. My life is over at 23. I don't want to die. I feel like I have so much life left to live. But I have tried to get off and I am backed into a corner with no way out. I tried liquid tapering last night. I couldn't sleep at all. And my body jerked and flailed all throughout the night. I felt like I was being shocked by a taser. This is almost a worst torture than the day my mom committed suicide. Psychiatric drugs ruin the promising lives of so many people that could've lived long decent lives but instead have to navigate a hell like no other. And I have to listen to my friends tell me "Everything is going to be fine" when they would never know the half of what this bullshit feels like. There was a woman on here "claracatchingthebus" who told me I should try other things first. Ketamine, tapering. Well I've tried both. Ketamine made me more suicidal. And tapering went well until it didn't. I feel sad for my friends and for my family because they don't ever deserve to suffer for my stupid and foolish decisions but they will. I'm full of guilt for feeling the way I do.

Hello, I am on AP due to multiple brain injuries including frontal lobe and parietal lobe. When I first went in the I was given risperidone and at first it was like a magic pill, I stopped loosing it and I never tried to kill anyone or chase them in their cars if they cut me up, then all of a sudden I had pain in my joints I couldn't sleep, my dick was useless, which was the worst bit for me as I already felt like less of a man due to being possessed by this thing that made me rip people to pieces unless they said sorry, then I become instantly calm. Unfortunately my intolerance of others mistakes got worse, I didn't leave the house as it is and there was no was I was going back inside so I stayed indoors even more, unfortunately my neighbours started calling the police on me and making false allegations because they are scared I will loose it and rip off their heads without realising. I told my shrink and he put my on quetiapine and even though people still piss me off I feel much better don't get me wrong I still want to die as I don't like living with all these symptoms my point is, there is more than one anti-psychotic. Please speak to your shrink.

 

[unbelievablydead]

Maybe my dad could file a suit when I'm gone. I'm going to leave a bad review before I go on the psychiatrists page. But it's kind of pointless. He'll still go around being reckless and ruining others lives. Just like they all do.

i'm really sorry. and you're right, but at least you/your family could gain something, not that it in any way makes up for the harm caused nor ever will. i'm only asking this bc you said you don't want to die, but would it be possible to combine the antipsychotic with something that boosts your dopamine? it sounds like you're able to handle the 25 mg (maybe could do even less if possible, sometimes 12.5 mg is offered), so i'm wondering if that + an antidepressant could help (wellbutrin comes to mind). idk if you'd be open to trying something like that bc of your past experience, but it could be worth it if you don't actually want to die, you just don't want to live with the suicidal thoughts and the side effects (which is valid, and doesn't invalidate your decision to ctb at all, just seeing if there are options that you'd be open to, and if not that's ok too).

 

[traingirl]

i'm really sorry. and you're right, but at least you/your family could gain something, not that it in any way makes up for the harm caused nor ever will. i'm only asking this bc you said you don't want to die, but would it be possible to combine the antipsychotic with something that boosts your dopamine? it sounds like you're able to handle the 25 mg (maybe could do even less if possible, sometimes 12.5 mg is offered), so i'm wondering if that + an antidepressant could help (wellbutrin comes to mind). idk if you'd be open to trying something like that bc of your past experience, but it could be worth it if you don't actually want to die, you just don't want to live with the suicidal thoughts and the side effects (which is valid, and doesn't invalidate your decision to ctb at all, just seeing if there are options that you'd be open to, and if not that's ok too).

I'm on 4 different medications already. Trintellix, buspar, Trazodone, Seroquel. I think I have dopamine sensitivity from tapering off. Too much dopamine.

 

[Morris1211]

This is a message to anyone out there who might still have a chance at redemption. Please please PLEASE don't take antipsychotics unless you have no choice and you are forced on them. Unless your mental illness is so debilitating that you have to. I ruined my life and I didn't have to take these medications. I never had to. I had moderate depression. Moderate insomnia. Moderate anxiety. I didn't need something made for people in psychosis or bipolar. Don't be like me. My life is over at 23. I don't want to die. I feel like I have so much life left to live. But I have tried to get off and I am backed into a corner with no way out. I tried liquid tapering last night. I couldn't sleep at all. And my body jerked and flailed all throughout the night. I felt like I was being shocked by a taser. This is almost a worst torture than the day my mom committed suicide. Psychiatric drugs ruin the promising lives of so many people that could've lived long decent lives but instead have to navigate a hell like no other. And I have to listen to my friends tell me "Everything is going to be fine" when they would never know the half of what this bullshit feels like. There was a woman on here "claracatchingthebus" who told me I should try other things first. Ketamine, tapering. Well I've tried both. Ketamine made me more suicidal. And tapering went well until it didn't. I feel sad for my friends and for my family because they don't ever deserve to suffer for my stupid and foolish decisions but they will. I'm full of guilt for feeling the way I do.

I'm sorry you're going through this. You are smart to taper though. I didn't and it landed me in protracted withdrawal which is a hell I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy and lasts for years. That's why I'm here wanting to take my life too. You still have a chance. Reinstating back at your old dose and like another user suggested maybe try going on an antidepressant to help with the suicidal thoughts. I know we don't want to be on these meds. They're terrible poison and I regret the day I ever touched them. I'm so sorry. Big pharma deserves to burn for the lives they've ruined.

 

[traingirl]

I'm sorry you're going through this. You are smart to taper though. I didn't and it landed me in protracted withdrawal which is a hell I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy and lasts for years. That's why I'm here wanting to take my life too. You still have a chance. Reinstating back at your old dose and like another user suggested maybe try going on an antidepressant to help with the suicidal thoughts. I know we don't want to be on these meds. They're terrible poison and I regret the day I ever touched them. I'm so sorry. Big pharma deserves to burn for the lives they've ruined.

Even with the slow taper it's not working. I give the fuck up.

 

[unbelievablydead]

I'm on 4 different medications already. Trintellix, buspar, Trazodone, Seroquel. I think I have dopamine sensitivity from tapering off. Too much dopamine.

i see. and you're already on an anti-depressant. odd that that's not helping with more of the depression symptoms. i'm wondering if you may be treatment resistant, like me. the only thing would be to play around with the dosages and/or targeting a different neurotransmitter with a different anti-depressant, but i'm sure you just feel exhausted and done. i'm really sorry for your situation, i know it's not the same thing at all but i was also good and okay until i was given poor advice from a therapist and made a really bad decision. i also have lost my lust for life and grieve the life i could've lived every single day. sending hugs and if you ever need anyone to talk to, you can pm me.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

I'm on 4 different medications already. Trintellix, buspar, Trazodone, Seroquel. I think I have dopamine sensitivity from tapering off. Too much dopamine.

That's quite a cocktail. The psych wards love the 4 pill combo of Seroquel and Trazadone plus another antidepressant and buspar to allegedly help them along. It crazy they now have classes of drugs to "help" antidepressants "work" and off set side effects of APs. Those zaps are like "restless leg syndrome" on steroids' showing up any and everywhere in the brain and body. Gabapentin can possibly help with that.

My life is over at 23. I don't want to die. I feel like I have so much life left to live.

You have time on your side. I sincerely hope you do every thing you can to safely off-ramp yourself from unnecessary and harmful medication. I believe there is still hope for you.

 

[traingirl]

That's quite a cocktail. The psych wards love the 4 pill combo of Seroquel and Trazadone plus another antidepressant and buspar to allegedly help them along. It crazy they now have classes of drugs to "help" antidepressants "work" and off set side effects of APs. Those zaps are like "restless leg syndrome" on steroids' showing up any and everywhere in the brain and body. Gabapentin can possibly help with that.


You have time on your side. I sincerely hope you do every thing you can to safely off-ramp yourself from unnecessary and harmful medication. I believe there is still hope for you.

I don't have hope anymore. I'm a poly pharmacy victim. I would have to go through the process of weaning off Seroquel. Once that's done wean off Trintellix or buspar or Trazodone. I don't think my body can withstand that. I'm going to end up CTBing down the road anyways. Sooner or later. I'm on a "suicide cocktail". I'm a weak person. I can't withstand four different withdrawals. I already went through the loss of my mom to suicide. I genuinely can't do this.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

Withdrawal are temporary, death isn't... you should give it a try, do it gradually and for a long time if necessary. Do not let these medications ruin your life, give a chance to life without it

 

[traingirl]

Withdrawal are temporary, death isn't... you should give it a try, do it gradually and for a long time if necessary. Do not let these medications ruin your life, give a chance to life without it

Protracted withdrawals exist. And they can make your life a living hell for a long long time. Total insomnia for months. Anxiety for months. Intrusive thoughts for months. It's a perfectly good reason to ctb.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

Protracted withdrawals exist. And they can make your life a living hell for a long long time. Total insomnia for months. Anxiety for months. Intrusive thoughts for months. It's a perfectly good reason to ctb.

If it is temporary, months as you said, it doesn't seem to me a legitimate reason to ctb. It is a phase and you can live after that step, just be brave and think about the future when it will be over.

 

[traingirl]

If it is temporary, months as you said, it doesn't seem to me a legitimate reason to ctb. It is a phase and you can live after that step, just be brave and think about the future when it will be over.

Months of symptoms like that with no relief make life unbearable. And there's no guarantee it will just be months. It's not a phase. Your brain chemicals can be permanently altered by medications. There are plenty of people on here that have this as their reason to CTB and can tell you it's a valid reason. Look up akathisia, tardive dyskinesia, or try to put yourself in the shoes of someone who doesn't sleep properly for months. Your entire cognitive functioning is destroyed. You can't make decisions, your mental health plummets, you can't remember anything, you spend every day in agony.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

Months of symptoms like that with no relief make life unbearable. And there's no guarantee it will just be months. It's not a phase. Your brain chemicals can be permanently altered by medications.

you will never know if it was a phase or not if you don't wait a certain amount of time to see the evolution of it I can perfectly imagine that it is unbearable, but it's not because something is unbearable that we should rush on ctb because that unbearable thing is possibly a temporary one. You can stay enduring the horror until the horror pass and being grateful to be alive after that storm and having the opportunity to live decently.

 

[traingirl]

you will never know if it was a phase or not if you don't wait a certain amount of time to see the evolution of it I can perfectly imagine that it is unbearable, but it's not because something is unbearable that we should rush on ctb because that unbearable thing is possibly a temporary one. You can stay enduring the horror until the horror pass and being grateful to be alive after that storm and having the opportunity to live decently.

I've already been through enough. Two years of trauma with my mom's multiple suicide attempts and final attempts. I already live in constant agony. I can't handle anymore of this.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

on antipsychotic you are emotionally numb and your whole perception of reality is altered, i already took these med and it turned me into an apathetic zombie, was horrific, maybe you should try to stop them and make your decision after ? even if it is difficult to stop, just taking the time to do it a your own rythm then considering suicide or not in a more logical and emotionally neutral state of being

 

[traingirl]

Hello, I am on AP due to multiple brain injuries including frontal lobe and parietal lobe. When I first went in the I was given risperidone and at first it was like a magic pill, I stopped loosing it and I never tried to kill anyone or chase them in their cars if they cut me up, then all of a sudden I had pain in my joints I couldn't sleep, my dick was useless, which was the worst bit for me as I already felt like less of a man due to being possessed by this thing that made me rip people to pieces unless they said sorry, then I become instantly calm. Unfortunately my intolerance of others mistakes got worse, I didn't leave the house as it is and there was no was I was going back inside so I stayed indoors even more, unfortunately my neighbours started calling the police on me and making false allegations because they are scared I will loose it and rip off their heads without realising. I told my shrink and he put my on quetiapine and even though people still piss me off I feel much better don't get me wrong I still want to die as I don't like living with all these symptoms my point is, there is more than one anti-psychotic. Please speak to your shrink.

Seroquel is what made me worse. I'm not even on it for psychotic symptoms. They put me on it for sleep.

 

[madameviolette]

Same. It's terrible the situation I ended up in for such minor health problems...

People have no idea how a small health issue could snowball into losing everything when you go to a doctor