Venting A bad goodbye

[Tried-tireD]

I sent my last text to a "close friend" of mine. They've been ignoring my messages for a while and I actually tried to have some fun interactions before I go. But it's going to end with me saying bye. I don't even care how they react, IF they react anymore. I then cut all contact with them. It sucks that this is how the friendship ends but hey, more motivation to CTB. We take those. Just needed to get this off my chest immediately :/

 

[LaVieEnRose]

You deserve intimacy and connection, but I know those things can be very hard to come by. You mentioned that isolation and loneliness were the main drivers of your suicidal feelinhs, right?

 

[MideonNViscera]

I know this goes against everything you're feeling right now, but no reaction doesn't automatically mean they don't care. I can't really explain it without giving you experiences of my own that I'm not ready to share, but just know that this type of thing paralyzes some people with fear.

 

[FuneralCry]

People can certainly be very disappointing and unreliable after all and it's simply just the way that people are unfortunately. It's why I would see it as always being for the best to be alone, as the reality is that humans are responsible for so much of the suffering experienced in this world.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

I know this goes against everything you're feeling right now, but no reaction doesn't automatically mean they don't care. I can't really explain it without giving you experiences of my own that I'm not ready to share, but just know that this type of thing paralyzes some people with fear.

I second the above. People not in our frame of mind can't really get to grips with it, and as much as we desperately want them too, it's not really fair to expect it of them.
I do know how you feel, I'm in pretty much the same situation. And it does hurt

 

[locked*n*loaded]

You said "bye" to your friend through a text? Is it a "bye" that can be construed by them that you're going to CTB? Could they make trouble for you somehow by reporting you or thwarting your attempt?

 

[19andOverdue]

I sent my last text to a "close friend" of mine. They've been ignoring my messages for a while and I actually tried to have some fun interactions before I go. But it's going to end with me saying bye. I don't even care how they react, IF they react anymore. I then cut all contact with them. It sucks that this is how the friendship ends but hey, more motivation to CTB. We take those. Just needed to get this off my chest immediately :/

Attachment injuries are so traumatic

 

[Tried-tireD]

You deserve intimacy and connection, but I know those things can be very hard to come by. You mentioned that isolation and loneliness were the main drivers of your suicidal feelinhs, right?

Yeah :') I tried to make new friends too, although superficial, just to help deal but I was just abandoned before they even knew me. Then the people I thought I could trust abandoned me because it's too much for them. Can't blame them too much though.
But this friend of mine always said all these righteous things like I'll always be there for you, you can call whenever, I don't want you to leave my life. But they never did anything to really back those statements up.
I can't stop thinking about them though. It's good that it's over but after everything, I didn't want it to end this way

I know this goes against everything you're feeling right now, but no reaction doesn't automatically mean they don't care. I can't really explain it without giving you experiences of my own that I'm not ready to share, but just know that this type of thing paralyzes some people with fear.

I get it, yeah. It's just this always happens with them even though we agreed that this won't happen without at least an explanation. My first instinct with this sort of thing is to distance myself from it

You said "bye" to your friend through a text? Is it a "bye" that can be construed by them that you're going to CTB? Could they make trouble for you somehow by reporting you or thwarting your attempt?

Yeah they can put that together. I know they can't and probably won't even stop me anyway. I said something along the lines of it was nice getting to know you, so it like a pseudo farewell too

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Relationships can be very hard. Some people have trouble with maintaining ties and sometimes they'll go back in everything they said about caring and sever ties for no apparent rhyme or reason. That doesn't necessarily mean you did anything wrong. There's a certain luck component when it comes to relationships, as there is with everything else in life. You can't blame yourself for having poor luck. I'm sure you have unique and valuable things to offer. I'm not saying that to be trite; that's the case with everyone I know at least somewhat well. It's only a matter of time before other people recognize them. I know first-hand hoe painful isolation is, especially when all your peers have the kinds of connections you crave. But you're still in the one environment where it's making them is most accessible. Are there any other ways you could try?

 

[RUPA]

In a sense, it is a bit contradictory to say that you don't care how they react or if they react anymore and also say that that's a motivation to ctb.

 

[Tried-tireD]

Relationships can be very hard. Some people have trouble with maintaining ties and sometimes they'll go back in everything they said about caring and sever ties for no apparent rhyme or reason. That doesn't necessarily mean you did anything wrong. There's a certain luck component when it comes to relationships, as there is with everything else in life. You can't blame yourself for having poor luck. I'm sure you have unique and valuable things to offer. I'm not saying that to be trite; that's the case with everyone I know at least somewhat well. It's only a matter of time before other people recognize them. I know first-hand hoe painful isolation is, especially when all your peers have the kinds of connections you crave. But you're still in the one environment where it's making them is most accessible. Are there any other ways you could try?

Honestly, none that I feel really motivated to try. I've tried a club or two and some guys in my lectures but nothing came from it. One could argue that I never tried enough or kept at it longer but I'm just so tired and sick of everything

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Honestly, none that I feel really motivated to try. I've tried a club or two and some guys in my lectures but nothing came from it. One could argue that I never tried enough or kept at it longer but I'm just so tired and sick of everything

I understand that. Unfortunately, if you stop trying the chance of success becomes a big fat 0. I don't think one or two sincere friendships at the very least is beyond your reach.