I can relate. I have done quite a lot of therapy at this point, and I'm so sick of trying to explain what's going on. It's exhausting and I don't have the vocabulary to fully describe it. It's deep and unrelenting. That's all I've got and that doesn't even do it justice.
I hope you manage to find some small comfort to get you through the night. (Or day, depending on what time zone you are in) I wish I had some advice, but all I can say is you are not alone.