After years of consideration, through short-lived high points and long arduous years, I've finally decided it's time to become another statistic of a LGBT person that peaces out of this planet by their own hands.
I've wanted to do it many times, for a decade now, but it was never serious, it was always a very distant last resort, an option I had in case things went to hell.
Every waking moment I feel the deepest part of me burning in agony wishing for my dream to come true. The pain was bearable when I had hope for this dream, a delusion shielding me from the agony. But the barrier eventually broke, and the realization that my dream will never come to life is the worst pain I have ever experienced.
The first fear I had was the potential of the future, that is always unpredictable. Little by little hope fade away.
The second fear is the pain I will cause to those that love me. But it's only about me now, and I'm selfish.
The third fear is the uncertain nature of death. I'm willing to make the bet
The last fear and what I fear the most, is losing myself. When I realized what it meant, it's not a bet, it's about being willing to pay the price.
I will give myself 70 days. To be sure this is what I want, to finish what I have to do, and to plan this date with myself.
I want to have something calming to look at as I do it. I have a park in mind that is generally empty with view of city buildings on a bright sunny day with grass and trees around me. But the day is settled, if it is cloudy or raining I am okay with that too.
I am rarely successful at anything I attempt, but I can't fail this one. I have a 9mm handgun with HP ammo that I plan on using but I am open to suggestions. I am not sure about using poison/medication because I can't be certain of the source. I could use some info with success rate for this method and what is the best orientation/position to finish the job. Feel free to dm as well.
Cheers
I've wanted to do it many times, for a decade now, but it was never serious, it was always a very distant last resort, an option I had in case things went to hell.
Every waking moment I feel the deepest part of me burning in agony wishing for my dream to come true. The pain was bearable when I had hope for this dream, a delusion shielding me from the agony. But the barrier eventually broke, and the realization that my dream will never come to life is the worst pain I have ever experienced.
The first fear I had was the potential of the future, that is always unpredictable. Little by little hope fade away.
The second fear is the pain I will cause to those that love me. But it's only about me now, and I'm selfish.
The third fear is the uncertain nature of death. I'm willing to make the bet
The last fear and what I fear the most, is losing myself. When I realized what it meant, it's not a bet, it's about being willing to pay the price.
I will give myself 70 days. To be sure this is what I want, to finish what I have to do, and to plan this date with myself.
I want to have something calming to look at as I do it. I have a park in mind that is generally empty with view of city buildings on a bright sunny day with grass and trees around me. But the day is settled, if it is cloudy or raining I am okay with that too.
I am rarely successful at anything I attempt, but I can't fail this one. I have a 9mm handgun with HP ammo that I plan on using but I am open to suggestions. I am not sure about using poison/medication because I can't be certain of the source. I could use some info with success rate for this method and what is the best orientation/position to finish the job. Feel free to dm as well.
Cheers
