Venting 23

[ikuchan]

for a long time now i've been feeling like my life is just one big experiment of how much sadness and loneliness a human body can take

all i do is numb myself and like a robot with no motivation or passion for anything i keep going through the same cycle: i wake up, go to work, go home, sleep and repeat the same process all over again in the morning

i don't have anything i'm living for like a dream and nothing remotely substantial to keep me here... but i'm still here nonetheless and that frustrates me

i won't rehash my whole life story or my trauma but in a few words it's been shit... i'm so alone, so unloved, so empty

my family isn't the worst (not like it used to be) but they're far from ideal, i have no friends, and i certainly don't have anyone who's ever been into me romantically either

the only thing that ties me to this world is guilt and fear and shamefully a small shimmer of hope that tomorrow might be better and that i'll eventually be happy

but even that is dwindling into the dark... the prospect of that now at the age of 23 sounds like some outlandish fiction

suicide just feels like the only way i can be free but i'm admittedly still too cowardly to do

i've attempted only once but partial hanging isn't the most fullproof method - the only other option i've seriously considered is jumping off the colorado street bridge in pasadena, california dubbed the "suicide bridge" but it's an hour away and i worry about the details of security and increased parameters

i just wish i could find a method and go through with it already

i've decided my body can no longer handle any more sadness or loneliness

 

[Queenh666]

You and I are in the same boat. I've finally narrowed it down to a couple different methods that sound good to me and I think now it's time to look into the planning side of things and go from there. I'm quite impatient when it comes to other things, but I am calm & patient when it comes to this because I only have to do this for so long until I'm ready. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst. That's how I've been trying to look at things lately and it's helping, I hope it can help you too.

 

[Death_From_Above]

If you have hope, even a shimmer, stick it out. 23 is not that old either, and many things that you have set your heart on may still materialize. When you have lost all hope would be a good time to start counting down methods.

But even then, we still seem capable of missing the bus, and then we need to figure out how to deal with tomorrow