19.05.2019

[Dartz]

Good luck Rain

 

[ouvreyes]

I'm incredibly sorry about how the night turned out. It's been a while since I last logged onto here, and longer still since I was actually active. When I did log on today, seeing your name in the chat user list thing brought me some comfort. I was always too much of a social dumbass to actually try and talk to you, but my first thought having seen the green dot next to your name and avatar was "Ah, I'm glad she's still around." Reading back on that, I really hope this isn't coming off as creepy since I never really got to know you, haha... I really do know what you mean when you talk about how the forums have changed, though. I've been here for a couple months less, but it really does feel like a different set of people, and like you said, no one that I used to talk to on here seems to be around anymore, for their different reasons. Uhh I really mean this in the least awkward way possible but I've always had a "friend crush" on you. I loooove asano inio's work sooo much and I don't really talk to anyone else that does, and I'd always wanted to somehow bring up conversation about it since seeing your avatar but I am not entirely familiar with even the basics of uhh holding a conversation like a normal human being :). Other than that, also being trans, I really felt for a lot of the experiences that you shared. and I don't know, it's all so sad, and if I could lift even a bit of the burden for you then god I would (I'm rly sorry if this is weird since I don't really know you xd!). but idk it can rly feel like that burden is in some ways synonymous with reality, and idk theres just that feeling of wanting to have some kind of control over the self or the condition that we live in, but some truths are just too overbearing. seeing other trans people, i have this impulse to do whatever i can to give them a success story out of myself, but man it's just too much of a burden for any one of us alone, and the world that we live in forces so many of us to be alone, and it's all so sad and cruel and im really sorry for you and the rest of us and i wish any of us could do something to make anything worthwhile out of the shit hand we've been given but sometimes all we're left with is ourselves and sometimes that's just not enough. Wow I sure started rambling! I'm very sorry, I hope something got across within all that lmao. I'm really sorry, for everything that this world's given us. I really hope that you find peace in whatever direction you end up taking. I'm really sorry.