18... too early?

[Sensei]

Well sucks to suck, I guess I should die.

Alright, I don't know anything about you, but from what you've written I assume you're young and gay. When we're young, we're usually more sensitive to social pressure. You probably feel that people see your sexuality as deviant and condemnable, and maybe they do. However, when you grow older you'll probably care less what other people think of you and maybe you'll move to a metropolitan area where being gay is more accepted or manage to improve your life in some other way. You're not doomed just because you're gay, even if it feels like that now.

 

[BadRNG]

Alright, I don't know anything about you, but from what you've written I assume you're young and gay. When we're young, we're usually more sensitive to social pressure. You probably feel that people see your sexuality as deviant and condemnable, and maybe they do. However, when you grow older you'll probably care less what other people think of you and maybe you'll move to a metropolitan area where being gay is more accepted or manage to improve your life in some other way. You're not doomed just because you're gay, even if it feels like that now.

You are absolutely right, but nevertheless I don't want to be different. Since so many people still believe it's a choice, even tho I chose to not engage in any activity with a boy. People call gay people filthy, predators rapists etc. Been hearing this for a long time and I can't imagine all of this being directed to me. Also no boy wants to befriend a "Faggot" like they say so I will get isolated pretty quickly, or I will get these pity comments that I absolutely despise, makes you feel like you aren't complete, like you are disabled. Maybe they are right, it's weird, it's not supposed to happen. I had a normal life, amazing relationship with my parents, mostly guy friends, never been raped, just like any other boy.... even if gayness isn't an illness, it will never be as good as a normal relationship, where you are built for each other, can do whatever you want without being judged, and also have offspring and build the family of your dreams. Just typing this makes me absolutely MAD. I don't even want to know what happens next. This will probably surprise or shock everyone but at least I will protect my "reputation".

 

[Eddy]

This may sound mean. I do not mean to be hurtful, just honest.

You say that you don't think anything will change. I understand that feeling. But I must ask: what are you doing to make change in your life?

If you do not do anything to make change, no change will occur. Life requires input and action. You can go through life waiting for something to happen to you. It might, it might not. The other choice is to make something happen. Might be good, might be bad in the long run, but it's something.

18 is very young. I know it is possible to feel very tired and very jaded already, but there is so much to experience. You are reaching a point where you will be able to make real decisions in your own life.

I'd advise you to give a grown-up life a try. If you're still miserable after a few years, the option to ctb will still be there. You always have the option to check out. Why not try really checking in first?

I'm sorry your life path has brought you here. Welcome. You are among friends.

Thank you for being honest. And the thought that I'll always be able to ctb is honestly really calming, kind of like an insurance. Also thanks for welcoming me❤

 

[Sensei]

You are absolutely right, but nevertheless I don't want to be different. Since so many people still believe it's a choice, even tho I chose to not engage in any activity with a boy. People call gay people filthy, predators rapists etc. Been hearing this for a long time and I can't imagine all of this being directed to me. Also no boy wants to befriend a "Faggot" like they say so I will get isolated pretty quickly, or I will get these pity comments that I absolutely despise, makes you feel like you aren't complete, like you are disabled. Maybe they are right, it's weird, it's not supposed to happen. I had a normal life, amazing relationship with my parents, mostly guy friends, never been raped, just like any other boy.... even if gayness isn't an illness, it will never be as good as a normal relationship, where you are built for each other, can do whatever you want without being judged, and also have offspring and build the family of your dreams. Just typing this makes me absolutely MAD. I don't even want to know what happens next. This will probably surprise or shock everyone but at least I will protect my "reputation".

We are what we are. You can build a case that all kinds of sexuality and love are unnatural. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy, and that's that. We can't control whom we fall in love with and we shouldn't. As long as no one gets hurt, do as thou wish.

You seem to be in a very toxic environment. I suggest that you move as soon as you can. I don't know which country you're from, but in many countries there are cities with a larger percentage of gays and more liberal views, such as New York, San Fransisco, Cologne, Paris, and Amsterdam. I'm sure there are many more.

I know that there are more members of this forum who are in your situation. Maybe you should start a thread and ask? Then you can connect with like-minded people and discuss your situation. It would probably do you good to let out some steam.

 

[bpdandme]

Well, first of all, I'm kind of new here, though I've been on this site as a guest for a little while now. I turned 18 and I've been struggling with several mental illnesses(according to my therapist) for about 4 years now. I've been in therapy for 3 years, spent one year in a psychward and everything just seems to be getting worse. Nothing is fun or entertaining anymore, everything just seems bland and boring. The only thing I am able to look forward to is self harm and I get panic attacks when I think of living past 19. I would really like your opinion on this, do you think 18 is too young to Ctb?

I'm 23 now, suicidal since 11, I'm glad I didn't commit suicide at your age because despite pain I've still had good moments. I've travelled, graduated, had crazy parties and made some good friends. If you have any goal you want to achieve I would focus on that for now, such as college or travelling? Even though I'm not old, when you're my age, you'll realise how young 18 really is. No one is judging you for being young and wanting to CTB because we have all been there, but you've got time on your side for changes to happen!

 

[TAW122]

I don't want to put an arbitrary number and decide as that is ultimately up to the individual. In my opinion, I don't think it is "too young" as when one is 18 years of age, at least in the US, is legally considered an adult, an independent being able to make many legal decisions (own firearms - depending on the state, vote, enlist, possess and obtain tobacco products, consent to things, and also many other things). If an legal adult can make decisions (some of which with the risk of serious injury or death - such as enlisting and fighting in war), then I do believe they should have the capacity to choose between life or death.

In your situation, only you can decide and if you have been suffering for an extended amount of time (years in this case) and feel like you can't take it anymore, then no one should dictate whether you decide to leave this world or give it additional tries for recovery. I wish you peace in whatever decision you end up making.

 

[BadRNG]

We are what we are. You can build a case that all kinds of sexuality and love are unnatural. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy, and that's that. We can't control whom we fall in love with and we shouldn't. As long as no one gets hurt, do as thou wish.

You seem to be in a very toxic environment. I suggest that you move as soon as you can. I don't know which country you're from, but in many countries there are cities with a larger percentage of gays and more liberal views, such as New York, San Fransisco, Cologne, Paris, and Amsterdam. I'm sure there are many more.

I know that there are more members of this forum who are in your situation. Maybe you should start a thread and ask? Then you can connect with like-minded people and discuss your situation. It would probably do you good to let out some steam.

Maybe you are right, thank you!

 

[LastRide]

Well sucks to suck, I guess I should die.

Why do you feel you have to die because of your sexuality????

 

[Mr2005]

Well, first of all, I'm kind of new here, though I've been on this site as a guest for a little while now. I turned 18 and I've been struggling with several mental illnesses(according to my therapist) for about 4 years now. I've been in therapy for 3 years, spent one year in a psychward and everything just seems to be getting worse. Nothing is fun or entertaining anymore, everything just seems bland and boring. The only thing I am able to look forward to is self harm and I get panic attacks when I think of living past 19. I would really like your opinion on this, do you think 18 is too young to Ctb?

Yes

 

[Squiddy]

18 is young, but it's your choice at the end of the day. I've wanted to ctb on and off since 14.

 

[bpdandme]

Well sucks to suck, I guess I should die.

It's so upsetting that your sexuality is a factor in your wanting to CTB. I promise there are accepting people out there. It's so shit you have suffered because of something you can't control. As your 18 could you start saving up to move somewhere more accepting? Also, please feel free to message if you need to chat as I'm bisexual and I've grown up in a homophobic environment (however not as extreme as yours).

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

An old acquaintance of mine once said he's surprised to see me when we drifted apart after school and then met some decade and a little bit later. When I asked why, he said he expected me to ctb once we're out of school.

I was in a similar (although not as harsh) situation - nothing is fun, nor stimulating enough to do. "I do not live, I exist."
This idea changed some time later to a more grim "I do not live, I suffer." because of a medical reason.
My own sentiments to life are irrelevant, however, since you are not me. You are, however, younger and have a resource I don't - time.
At the age of 18 you are officially adult as far as the law is concerned. This is both good and bad. You can have an apartment of your own, for example, away from the toxic environment you live in, but you also need to work your ass off for the money for it. In this particular case, in my opinion the good, that is moving away from your current situation outweighs the bad - working your ass off for it.
Of course, there's also the potential body finding a proper treatment for whatever disorder you're dealing with.

At the end of it all, you are what you are and what you believe that you are.
Learning to answer to those who call you a faggot with "suck my dick, bud, you'll like like a faggot too." may be one of the most difficult things to do, but it's worth it.

I'd say give it some thought. At worst, you have tomorrow, and afterwards another tomorrow to ctb at.

 

[_Minsk]

Well, first of all, I'm kind of new here, though I've been on this site as a guest for a little while now. I turned 18 and I've been struggling with several mental illnesses(according to my therapist) for about 4 years now. I've been in therapy for 3 years, spent one year in a psychward and everything just seems to be getting worse. Nothing is fun or entertaining anymore, everything just seems bland and boring. The only thing I am able to look forward to is self harm and I get panic attacks when I think of living past 19. I would really like your opinion on this, do you think 18 is too young to Ctb?

i find for me personally, there is no 'right or minimum' age for ctb, i mean some teenager face such horrible events in life or get ill and life becomes not worth living anymore. age doesn't mean anything imo, some experience more traumatic things, in their childhood than some during their whole life time..

this is just my general opinion, i dont know your struggles well enough to determine wether i would or would not ctb in your case

Thats what I'm expecting to happen. I keep telling myself that it'll get better, but to be honest I don't think anything will change. But at the same time I'm scared that I might miss out on something when I ctb too early.

im in the same boat + i fear i might be too egoistic in case i would ctb and hurt my family, even tho at times i feel as if they dont care either..

 

[Shamana]

Yes, I think you are too young to kill yourself.

 

[BadRNG]

Why do you feel you have to die because of your sexuality????

Well being in the minority sucks, even tho I don't feel left out ( probably because I fit the normal boy stereotype, luckily). Most humans find gay people disgusting, I always have to lie about it , always have to hide, feeling like I am incomplete or sick etc

It's so upsetting that your sexuality is a factor in your wanting to CTB. I promise there are accepting people out there. It's so shit you have suffered because of something you can't control. As your 18 could you start saving up to move somewhere more accepting? Also, please feel free to message if you need to chat as I'm bisexual and I've grown up in a homophobic environment (however not as extreme as yours).

It's not only a factor, in fact it's the ONLY factor, otherwise I would consider myself lucky, I have friends, loving parents, average income etc. now imagine people know I am gay, this will define me, everything else i do is irrelevant.. i am loosing my mind really, it's just so fucking sad and jealous. I just envy normal people, they can love whoever they fall in love with (crush), they can approach the opposite sex without being creepy (in the sense that they don't need to know if they are hetero or not since the majority are, like in my case for example no way in hell I approach a boy randomly because he is probably hetero). Options are very limited, no offspring.
This was poorly structured by I wrote what's on top of my head.

 

[waterbottleman]

18 is too young imo.

The world is your oyster at that age. You have the freedoms of an adult without the responsibilities or expectations of one (unless you had a kid in your teens or something).

At 18 you can have fun, fool around, explore, travel, etc. Also you can make mistakes at this age that will have little impact on your life in the long term unless it's something huge like committing a felony or having a kid or being irresponsible and wracking up absurd amounts of credit card debt or something like that.

 

[alicediaseis]

Well sucks to suck, I guess I should die.

You don't have to suck people when you're gay and to enjoy sex : anal sex active or passive, BDSM or just simply big hugs. I'm a transgender woman and I've tried all type of penetration, active or passive, I didn't really enjoy any of these. I love cunilingus for my part but I've been struggling with my sexuality a lot. Just try things, meet some nice guy who doesn't want you just for sex and let it be, maybe.

I suggest you go to a LGBT association it helped me a lot.

 

[Quarky00]

TL;DR -- Absolutely No .


We first need to acknowledge that some people reach age 18 living all their life with terminal illness . They can be paralyzed and in severe pain , and let's be honest , they're not going to be a Stephan Hawking ; they can also suffer years of hospitalizations and psychosis ; etc . Please don't say they have their entire life ahead of them .

There are however people that for them the wish to die is temporary , and at that age , regardless of conditions , everything seems worse. It's a very stressful time , hormones are going wild , social pressure is enormous , and emotions are extreme and fatalistic . Circumstances are hard and limited (hometown , family , school) while possibilities increase with age and education .

Failed suicide attempts are very common for teenagers but decrease rapidly with age ; same for repeated attempts , and psychiatric hospitalization rates ; while the aforementioned indices/rates decrease with age -- actual fatal suicide rate increases with age .



The actual graph shows a much starker contrast (there are much more attempts than deaths). It's not because teenagers are 'clumsy'.

Liability by law may suggest that people at that age may be capable of reaching full and rationale decision . But it deals with actions and behaviours , crimes , not personal life-and-death decisions . If you act irresponsibly at the age of 20 , that is normal ; if you act irresponsibly at the age of 35 that is a problem . Single unique cases are not indicative .

Conclusion: Since humans are prone to suicidal ideation until the age of 24 years old , which mostly does not fully materialize , and due to diverse spectrum of circumstances that change , they should not be "permitted" to commit suicide under that age .

This holds even for the vast majority of severely debilitating illnesses , as people's perspective and coping mechanisms change with age as well . This does not preclude current viable options of peaceful end of life (EoLC) for those above 18 years old .

 

[Deleted member 1465]

If you are asking the question then either you already know the answer or you are seeking validation.
Yeah your life could be horrible. But it might not be. Things didn't take off for me until my mid twenties. I'm glad I pressed on even though I didn't feel like it.

 

[BadRNG]

You don't have to suck people when you're gay and to enjoy sex : anal sex active or passive, BDSM or just simply big hugs. I'm a transgender woman and I've tried all type of penetration, active or passive, I didn't really enjoy any of these. I love cunilingus for my part but I've been struggling with my sexuality a lot. Just try things, meet some nice guy who doesn't want you just for sex and let it be, maybe.

I suggest you go to a LGBT association it helped me a lot.

You didn't get what I meant at all lool. Sucks to suck is a phrase , like in other words it sucks to be bad. Omg how do I explain this. it sucks to suck like "i am tired of being tired".
Hope this explains. This made me laugh thanks

 

[BridgeJumper]

Should not be permitted to kill yourself?
Guuuys, I had my first attempt at 13. By 18 my depression was crippling.
And no, I havent developed any coping mechanisms other than cutting and drug abuse, ever since I was 13. Im 26 now.
Its not our place to judge what other people are going through. They can be 18 and have ptsd from being raped twice, like one of my friends. Dont judge. Young people have the same right to ctb as you, and pain is subjective, sometimes things youre not bothered by are too much for the other person

 

[Quarky00]

I don't want to be different.

That may change as you grow up and move .

People call gay people filthy, predators rapists etc.

That may change when you move away or stop caring .

I can't imagine all of this being directed to me.

It won't . It's blind hatred , not personal . People will still love you .

I will protect my "reputation"

You will kill yourself just to save your name , not sure suicide is such a good reputation .

it will never be as good as a normal relationship

Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good . You are thinking in a fatalistic way .

Now . Sorry for being confrontational but I had to start with some perspective . You don't accept yourself and you think it is a disaster . Fine . I accept that . But that is not determinant to the rest of the 60 years you have ahead . Your situation/thoughts right now are a result of conditions/beliefs that are malleable . You don't have a terminal fatal illness (though I understand why you feel you do) . These feelings are not inherent . You weren't born suicidal (like many people here) . You have friends and family and other than your sexual orientation things are not horrible . That does not make your life better . Suicide rate is high among LGBTQ . You feel tremendous hate from the outside , and from the inside . Everything you feel is real . But feelings change over time , and this does not determine your entire life . Things currently happening do not mean you will absorb hatred from your environment for the rest of your life . What you feel towards your orientation now does not mean this is how you feel about yourself all the time . I'm not here to tell you that everything will be alright , or that you can start a family . Self loathing vs self acceptance is part of growing up . It is stronger , harsher , and deadlier with LGBTQ . Teenagers are bullied . So you may feel worse , or you may feel better . People move away , people fall in love and suddenly "fuck the world" , etc . Feelings about sexual orientation , whether yours or your parents (eg) , can be changed and most of the time they do .

You can try to talk to gay people of your age that share the same experience , anonymously , via the internet etc (as always be careful) . Many people experience what you feel . You will be able to better share and understand your specific fears . Come back after you explore your fears with people of your age/orientation . You can always commit suicide later

 

[BadRNG]

You will kill yourself just to save your name , not sure suicide is such a good reputation .

[/QUOTE]
To be honest it's more like saving my parents reputation, it's a shame to have a gay child ( especially if it's a boy) it means that you failed or didn't raise your child probably (which definitely isn't the case) but that's what people believe in. Even tho I dodged every possible relationship or a hookup with a boy, it doesn't change the fact that I like boys.

tbh I really don't know what to do. I don't care what people think of my me and my actions at all, except when it comes to this topic. Like it really don't matter what others say, I do what I WANT and LIKE to do as long as it's not bad or unacceptable. This is where it starts being a problem. I am stuck. I don't know if being with a boy is unethical, filthy or normal of acceptable. I read somewhere that if you keep hearing something about you then it's probably true. The whole of humanity, different religions cultures etc. agreed on homosexuality being filthy, so are they all wrong? So now what happens next? What do I not get the chance to live a healthy life like other boys/girls my age? My parents keep telling me to be grateful, and I am, but it's really hard to keep up with this, it should be a natural part of your life, but for me it's a mess. Every time I tell my mum why do most humans are normal(hetero) and I am not? She just tells me sometimes you have to train your self, like train my self to sexually find girls attractive. I mean that's dumb af. I bet you every gay person tried to do that.

Pro and anti gay people both have good arguments and I don't know what to do about it.
~~~Thank you a lot for taking the time to write me a detailed and a thoughtful reply!~~~

 

[Quarky00]

Guuuys, I had my first attempt at 13. By 18 my depression was crippling.
And no, I havent developed any coping mechanisms other than cutting and drug abuse, ever since I was 13. Im 26 now.

In hindsight many people are certain they should have ctbed sooner , and that everything was pretty much determined from the start .

I assume awareness , state of mind , and attitudes towards ending one's life has changed at different points in time, 13/18/26 yo . I assume it was an emotional impulse at the age of 13 . I assume you've made mistakes at the age of 18 .

It's not about judging young people . It's about being certain , rational , peaceful . It's about knowing (not just feeling) that all hope is lost . It seems like harsh demands , but even if euthanasia was legal for 18yo you'd have to go through that process at Dignitas/Pegasus/etc . Kind emphatic doctors (not your normal stupid psychiatrists) will have to assess you there . Can you honestly withstand those tests at the age of 18 .

Now you may withstand those . You may have had full awareness at the age of 18 (I don't know you and I'm not here to question you) . But if 99% of 18 years old can't -- so that's a big NO ;)

(I do share your sentiments .. And I hate the feedback young suicidal people receive ... )

 

[BridgeJumper]

Well, no. I was 15 or 16 when I developed a full plan. I was 19 or 20 when I first jumped.
Everyday, since 2007, I fantasized about my death and how would it look like
I always wanted to die.
The only reason that Im not dead yet is my SI

Okay I made my point, need to stop hijacking someones post

 

[Quarky00]

• I don't know if being with a boy is unethical, filthy or normal of acceptable.
• I read somewhere that if you keep hearing something about you then it's probably true.
• The whole of humanity, different religions cultures etc. agreed on homosexuality being filthy, so are they all wrong?
• What do I not get the chance to live a healthy life like other boys/girls my age?
• Every time I tell my mum why do most humans are normal(hetero) and I am not? She just tells me sometimes you have to train your self
• I bet you every gay person tried to do that.

You said it yourself . Every gay person etc .... I.e. these questions (feelings) are asked by every gay boy . They have to deal with that , just like you . There are millions of teenagers like you going through the same issues . You are exploring social norms , sexual attraction , gay culture , etc . You are litterally exploring things (asking questions) Look at yourself: you have questions , you are stressed , and you clearly want to talk about it (you share it with us) . You should probably talk to people like you and share those tough questions and hardships together If you have questions -- you need to seek the answers .

(Some of your assumptions that all humanity/religions agree homosexuality is filthy -- are simply factually wrong -- research;)

 

[BadRNG]

You said it yourself . Every gay person etc .... I.e. these questions (feelings) are asked by every gay boy . They have to deal with that , just like you . There are millions of teenagers like you going through the same issues . You are exploring social norms , sexual attraction , gay culture , etc . You are litterally exploring things (asking questions) Look at yourself: you have questions , you are stressed , and you clearly want to talk about it (you share it with us) . You should probably talk to people like you and share those tough questions and hardships together If you have questions -- you need to seek the answers .

(Some of your assumptions that all humanity/religions agree homosexuality is filthy -- are simply factually wrong -- research;)

Wow

You said it yourself . Every gay person etc .... I.e. these questions (feelings) are asked by every gay boy . They have to deal with that , just like you . There are millions of teenagers like you going through the same issues . You are exploring social norms , sexual attraction , gay culture , etc . You are litterally exploring things (asking questions) Look at yourself: you have questions , you are stressed , and you clearly want to talk about it (you share it with us) . You should probably talk to people like you and share those tough questions and hardships together If you have questions -- you need to seek the answers .

(Some of your assumptions that all humanity/religions agree homosexuality is filthy -- are simply factually wrong -- research;)

What you are saying makes sense, but the thing is once you are out you can never go back. Either way I thank you for taking the time to write thoughtful replies. I hope it gets better for me soon, and I hope it gets easier for everyone.

 

[new life]

I am not saying things will get better or wont, but my personal opinion is you should ctb when you feel ready and have tried a lot of things already which by the sounds of what you are saying you have.

 

[Samn77]

Well, first of all, I'm kind of new here, though I've been on this site as a guest for a little while now. I turned 18 and I've been struggling with several mental illnesses(according to my therapist) for about 4 years now. I've been in therapy for 3 years, spent one year in a psychward and everything just seems to be getting worse. Nothing is fun or entertaining anymore, everything just seems bland and boring. The only thing I am able to look forward to is self harm and I get panic attacks when I think of living past 19. I would really like your opinion on this, do you think 18 is too young to Ctb?

Im 20 and gonna ctb soon. While I understand and acknowledge that life ahead can be enjoyable and offer things I possibly haven't even imagined, I'll take getting it done with over whatever fun times await. The idea of eternal sleep is much more appealing I'm afraid.

 

[new life]

I agree eternal sleep and to be at peace is so nice to look forward to, despite the good things that people say may be ahead.