That your asking if your too young, tells me that "Yes" your too young to die. At almost the exact same age (for me it was 15yrs old), i was sentence by the courts to an adult Psychiatric Hospital for 12mnths. At that time, it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me (Little did I know, that my experience there was heaven compared to some of the things I was yet to encounter in life). But thats not my point, my point is, i think i have some understanding of what your going through. I was diagnosed with childhood schizophrenia when i was 9 yrs old. My mental health journey has been up and down my whole life. Im 52yrs old now. Ive told a few people here about the kind of life I had. I did this because I wanted people to understand that i get some of the stuff they were going thru as i had been there myself and I also wanted those people to know that through it all i would not have given up the opportunity to have experienced an incredible relationship with my mum. But not for that relationship I would most certainly have been dead very early on in life. That relationship taught me so much, but mostly to experience absolute unconditional love, which is what my mum had for me, was the most amazing blessing. Not once in my life did i ever feel completely alone as she was always there, my mum accepted me for everything that I am and was. Despite my many many flaws, she kept loving me, not liking my behaviour, but loving me. Im telling you this because I believe there is such a person out there for everyone. That person may not be your mum, it could be someone you never thought of. This relationship meant so much to me,the love I felt so powerfull that it was enough to make me want to live despite my absolute shit life........to summarise my shit life....I was about 9 or 10 when i made my first suicide attempt, around the same time i was raped by a cop. I was 15 when i was sentenced to a Psych hospital were i was raped by a male nurse. When i was released a police detective blackmailed me into having sex with him. In between all of this Id fallen into a terrible drug habit, Heroin. I was sent to a rehab by the court when i was 17yrs. My counsellor there also wanted sex from me. On my release i was so screwed up about what happened that i ended up using again. When the police arrested me for possession of heroin, they took me to a Drug Detox centre. I was so sick from withdrawal i couldnt fight off the male counsellor that was raping me. I went to prison when i was 18yrs and again when i was 19yrs, but this time for 4 yrs. I got drugs inside, but got caught by a male guard, so yeh, i had to have sex with him so he wouldnt tell. When i got out my life went back to drugs,crime,gangs,prostitution, in&out of psych wards. A couple of suicide attempts. I was a complete lost soul until my early 30s when i finally got some help to get clean. I went to University, got a degree and started a career. My life got a whole heap better. But what Im trying to show you is that, theres alot of shitty crappy stuff we can go through in life and ive been through most of it, but that doesnt need to be it. Despite a life of feeling like a worthless whore, and crazy on top of it, I would never have gven up the opportunity i had to experience the most incredible relationship i had with my mum. I looked after my mum for 18mnths when she was terminally ill with cancer. She died in my arms not that long ago. I am so gratefull to have experienced so much love from her. Your only 18 hun, allow yourself some years to find that person out there for you. I believe that everyone has someone out there for them. So please give yourself that time OK?
