Story 1 year anniversary

[(wfsth?)]

So, I'm nearing the 1 year anniversary of my ctb attempt(s), and thought I'd shed some light on the aftermath of a failed attempt. I wasn't bullied, I didn't break up with anyone, and frankly I don't know why I did it. Maybe I felt tired. Anyway, I started off by trying to hang myself from a tree in my backyard, which was all well and good, except instead of using a rope, I used a Nike backpack drawstring. Needless to say, my noose snapped and I fell to the ground dazed. I didn't have some sort of revelation. No, I went inside, took a fuck ton of Ibuprofen, hoping to die from acetaminophen overdose. I woke up around 3 AM vomiting, and proceeded to vomit for the next 2 days. I've since recovered with no lasting injuries, and I do mean none. Life has proceeded as normal, as if Mother Nature is telling me "Big deal." Frankly, I don't regret anything, and apart from what I can only describe as being wiser, I am unchanged. It's almost like I really did die that night, and entered some strange purgatory. I'm not happier now, and still self harm occasionally. All in all, I got luckier than most.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a horrible experience but at least you didn't end up with any permanent damage from that. Failing a suicide attempt is certainly what I fear.

 

[releasespieces]

I often wonder about death that way. What if sometimes we die but are actually in a limbo of sorts, not dead but not alive either? We die in one dimension and then just transition to a different one for some reason, but others remain in a variety of dimensions in their mind, continuing to interact but in different perceived dimensions. I sometimes wonder if I died from an overdose 20 years ago, Ive felt dead inside ever since which could be associated with PTSD, but how do we really know? Maybe we are dead in some other timeline version of ourselves, but are stuck in this different timeline. I didn't communicate that well, but maybe some of you will understand somehow.