Help really need help...

[denjiwillsaveme]

I initially wasn't going to be here and tell much about myself but I really need help and I seriously don't have anyone else to talk to I would like to talk to someone about my situation and why I am so angry and sad.

One of the main reasons why I am here is because of my parents and I can't take it anymore.

I don't know what the initial time was when she just decided to look for an affair and look for someone else to leave my siblings, me, and my father. but each day I feel her so distant and cold and I can't seem to tell her what I feel (due to me being so depressed and suicidal) but she has just been so off. She's not the person I once knew and I fear it will only get worse, I truly love her and maybe that's why I am starting to hold so much anger towards her because of her foolish actions but I am so sick of always being responsible for A PARENT'S job. My father lives with us but isn't present in our lives and is an alcoholic so you can imagine how much of a mess he is and he keeps so much bullshit lies that I seriously can't understand how these humans are my parents.

My mother has "found" someone online who she's been talking to for a few months now and is so obsessed with trying to leave us with and it sickens me to the core. I don't think I can trust her at all and I feel so hurt. She's mentioned that she wants to leave and probably will stop seeing us if she wants to escape my father for good to live life (wtv that means) but it's just too fucked up. They're not even married so I don't understand why she doesn't have the balls to just go and start over. But the worst part is I don't blame her for thinking of leaving but she should've been smart and thought things through before things were gonna be like this. The things that would make me hate her more were going shopping and she would be glue stuck to her phone texting the guy and having no interest in interacting with me and my siblings it was so heartbreaking because she was never like that, I hate touching her because I start to feel grossed out but I usually maintain a straight face to not act on my actions but I can't seem to be fine anymore.

Today, we went out and it was fine ig we did some errands but we almost crashed because she thought it was more important to text the guy and she was too focused on her phone it just so fucking crazy and annoying. Then, when I was telling her that she needs to be careful and she got awfully upset at me for correcting her, I mean SHIT I DONT MIND DYING BUT FUCK YOU FOR NOT BEING CAREFUL.

I seriously have no hope in her and my birthday is coming up, I seriously want to die rn man, FUCK THIS SHIT I CANT NOT LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.

I've had a rocky relationship with my mother for some years but it was fine up till a few years ago now I am more confused and annoyed with her and I can't help but not want to be around her, I feel so betrayed and disgusted with her. I just know if I tell her how I feel about the whole relationship that I was so desperate to create I will fall apart and will add more fuel to my suicidal thoughts and I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I wish I was dead already...

Should tell her about how uncomfortable I am with her telling me about her affair proudly? Or should I keep this up until my grave and leave my bastard father in the dark?

 

[Catlover124]

You can talk to me if you want. I think I will be around for a while for sure.
For the last part. Do what would make you the most comfortable?

 

[denjiwillsaveme]

You can talk to me if you want. I think I will be around for a while for sure.
For the last part. Do what would make you the most comfortable?

I can dm you if thats ok?

 

[Catlover124]

I can dm you if thats ok?

ok.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

This really is a complex family issue here. I'm sorry you have to go through this but it's understandable. it sucks when parents decide for a life apart and they don't fulfill their duty to be there together for their children who were brought into existence. I don't know what you can actually do - depending on your age but I can understand how angry u are at your parents.

@Catlover124 you need some more account age and messages, then u have access to chat & PM.

 

[Catlover124]

This really is a complex family issue here. I'm sorry you have to go through this but it's understandable. it sucks when parents decide for a life apart and they don't fulfill their duty to be there together for their children who were brought into existence. I don't know what you can actually do - depending on your age but I can understand how angry u are at your parents.

@Catlover124 you need some more account age and messages, then u have access to chat & PM.

Is that so? I am new here and I don't know about the mechanics here. Thanks!

 

[denjiwillsaveme]

This really is a complex family issue here. I'm sorry you have to go through this but it's understandable. it sucks when parents decide for a life apart and they don't fulfill their duty to be there together for their children who were brought into existence. I don't know what you can actually do - depending on your age but I can understand how angry u are at your parents.

@Catlover124 you need some more account age and messages, then u have access to chat & PM.

yeah, the whole thing is annoying I just put this post hoping maybe someone else went through the same and could help out a little cuz I seriously can't communicate with my mom, she is very hard to understand now that she changed and I've tried to reason with her but I'm so lost about the whole relationship and I can't tell other family members due me ruining her image and I still respect that but it's just so messy and a little unhinged.

But thank you for reaching out about catloverr124, seems like I can't message them due to them being a new member.

Is that so? I am new here and I don't know about the mechanics here. Thanks!

Yeah, Sorry I didn't notice that I can't DM you but thanks for reaching out I'll try with what I can do but again thanks for reaching out :)