Venting Fifty cuts, all because someone was mean to me online

[cupcakesandmilk]

Sounds pathetic? That's because it totally is. I feel like crying; I feel disgusted with myself. I'm the only one in my family who's this low. A great reminder that I've got no business being here... Jotting it down as this website is basically my honorary diary at this point; besides, people should know how much of a loser I really am.

Please don't reply unless you've got some harsh words to accompany it.

 

[halleyscomet]

I've been there, I was very disappointed with myself. I hated myself for being so vulnerable to let random strangers online cause me to hurt myself, especially to the extent that I did. But I think there comes to a point where we need to stop pitying ourselves, we need to realise we have a problem that needs to be resolved. The only person who can do it is you. I've been about a month clean, I stopped by kinda bullying myself into it. I was like "why am I so pathetic to hurt mysellf while other people are actually suffering?" For some that approach makes things worse, but for me it helped me get my shit together.

 

[cupcakesandmilk]

I've been there, I was very disappointed with myself. I hated myself for being so vulnerable to let random strangers online cause me to hurt myself, especially to the extent that I did. But I think there comes to a point where we need to stop pitying ourselves, we need to realise we have a problem that needs to be resolved. The only person who can do it is you. I've been about a month clean, I stopped by kinda bullying myself into it. I was like "why am I so pathetic to hurt mysellf while other people are actually suffering?" For some that approach makes things worse, but for me it helped me get my shit together.

Sadly for me, it does the exact opposite; thinking about other people hurting only seems to reinforce my beliefs that I need to be "punished."

Sometimes it hurts, but this is the path that I took, so I guess I don't get to complain. :')

 

[gogoprince]

Sadly for me, it does the exact opposite; thinking about other people hurting only seems to reinforce my beliefs that I need to be "punished."

Sometimes it hurts, but this is the path that I took, so I guess I don't get to complain. :')

Punishment for punishment's sake does nothing for anybody. Your suffering won't bring relief to anyone else, especially not yourself.

You deserve to look at yourself like a human being. You're not "low" and you're certainly not pathetic.

In fact, you already know this: that's why you're calling yourself pathetic because you have an outsized sense of the importance of what you do, or don't do. The problem then, is to not be less "pathetic", but to let go of this grand importance you feel you have to embody, or achieve. In reality, most of us live to be 75-80 years old and will make mistakes, overreact to things, and hurt ourselves when we shouldn't a million times over until we die. Learn to sit with that discomfort and I assure you things will start to get easier. You can fucking do this.

 

[theboy]

no pls

 

[eatantz]

I've actually done this, i have someone's name carved into my thigh because we had an argument and i couldn't handle it. I actually need to cut over it because every time i look at it i feel sick.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Sadly for me, it does the exact opposite; thinking about other people hurting only seems to reinforce my beliefs that I need to be "punished."

Sometimes it hurts, but this is the path that I took, so I guess I don't get to complain. :')

Do you have access to talk to a professional about this masochism?

 

[cupcakesandmilk]

I've actually done this, i have someone's name carved into my thigh because we had an argument and i couldn't handle it. I actually need to cut over it because every time i look at it i feel sick.

Man, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Please take care and try to be easy on yourself; I know it's hard, but still. :')
Sending virtual hugs. <3

Do you have access to talk to a professional about this masochism?

What???
I'm not a masochist.

 

[SuicidalOrganism]

ur safe here dont worry

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Man, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Please take care and try to be easy on yourself; I know it's hard, but still. :')
Sending virtual hugs. <3


What???
I'm not a masochist.

I didn't mean it in a bad way. Just by the "punishing" thing and all the cuts. Ouch :(