zero

[okkkk]

i have the shittiest most wotrthless family on earth and the number they did on my wellbeing is incomprehensible. I cant stop thinking about killing myself because i have nothing. hell is real and it its here on earth

 

[timf]

The awareness that the insanity one finds oneself in is not ones fault, but that of others is a key turning point for many. This can be difficult for one raised in an abusive environment because developmentally some of the madness sort of gets baked into us.

Once one is able to see the reality behind the madness, anger is a common reaction. Anger can be a useful emotion, but it can be dangerous as well. The useful aspect of anger is that it can provide the energy we need to make changes. The negative side of anger is that if not used constructively, it can fester into bitterness and resentment which only continues the harm we have already experienced.

Distancing oneself from toxic people can be helpful as well as being able to gain control over some portion of your life so that you are able to build that which was denied you by your family.

 

[okkkk]

Thanks for your thoughtful response. And yes I never realized how much intense rage I feel for the constant lying and manipulation. Accepting the reality that even though im my own person its all negated by the fact that as a helpless child they can warp you into whatever they want. And since i resisted its made worse for me. And the lonliness on top of that. oh my god.

I probably typed out 12 incomprehensible intoxicated drafts spewing hateful words and contempt for eveything I experience with my senses. And finally landed on the post you responded to. If only we could delete these. I guess it doesnt really matter anyway. Just have to wait for it to get buried now.