anonbpdgirl
Student
- Aug 31, 2019
- 111
I have no in real life friends.
Like, I'm not exaggerating. I have zero.
I'm in my mid-twenties and currently work in a small environment. Most of my co-workers are over 40. We're not ever going to cross the boundary and go into friendship. Not that you can't be friends with people outside your age group, but this is a small circle and I know already that I don't have anything in common with any of them besides the fact we work together.
I also am completing an MA at the moment. I have one more year, but I've made zero friends there either. It sucks. I don't know why. I am shy, but I do genuinely try to talk to people. It just never seems to go to anything more than just talking in class. I also make (what feels like) awkward comments all the time. I, like, can't carry a conversation at all. It feels like I've lost the ability to. I never used to be like this. Maybe my worsening BPD is a factor in this, but I've no clue... All I know is I'm friendless and so, so lonely.
I just want to make friends. It's even harder to try to join groups around me (I've been on Facebook and looked at reading groups, because I enjoy books and writing a lot), but everything's still fucked up because of COVID-19. Even if these varying groups were on, what's not to say that it will just end up like every other interaction I have? Awkwardly, full of stilted conversation and ending up being left out by everyone.
God, I want to fucking kill myself. I'm never going to get anywhere in life. I want to work in publishing or within writing so badly but I probably won't ever be able to get into the industry. Life wouldn't be so bad if I could at least work some other shitty-but-comfy job (general office, maybe?) and have some friends.
I can't even remember what it feels like to have friends. It's so sad. I am so alone.
- anonbpdgirl
x
Like, I'm not exaggerating. I have zero.
I'm in my mid-twenties and currently work in a small environment. Most of my co-workers are over 40. We're not ever going to cross the boundary and go into friendship. Not that you can't be friends with people outside your age group, but this is a small circle and I know already that I don't have anything in common with any of them besides the fact we work together.
I also am completing an MA at the moment. I have one more year, but I've made zero friends there either. It sucks. I don't know why. I am shy, but I do genuinely try to talk to people. It just never seems to go to anything more than just talking in class. I also make (what feels like) awkward comments all the time. I, like, can't carry a conversation at all. It feels like I've lost the ability to. I never used to be like this. Maybe my worsening BPD is a factor in this, but I've no clue... All I know is I'm friendless and so, so lonely.
I just want to make friends. It's even harder to try to join groups around me (I've been on Facebook and looked at reading groups, because I enjoy books and writing a lot), but everything's still fucked up because of COVID-19. Even if these varying groups were on, what's not to say that it will just end up like every other interaction I have? Awkwardly, full of stilted conversation and ending up being left out by everyone.
God, I want to fucking kill myself. I'm never going to get anywhere in life. I want to work in publishing or within writing so badly but I probably won't ever be able to get into the industry. Life wouldn't be so bad if I could at least work some other shitty-but-comfy job (general office, maybe?) and have some friends.
I can't even remember what it feels like to have friends. It's so sad. I am so alone.
- anonbpdgirl
x