I told some family about my intentions thus giving them the opportunity to help me. The timing and way they showed up was absolutely pathetic. I feel I showed up for my end of the deal, which I did not have to but just wanted to give them a chance to spare themselves pain, and the way they reacted just confirms that they really do not care, probably because they can't possibly understand. I bet they'll spend more money on therapy for themselves, and my funeral than what would have been necessary to help me financially while I give myself a chance to start a new career. I feel a lot less guilt now about going through with it, which seems inevitable, though I'm a 'veteran' on this site, so maybe my cowardice will prevail. It's fear and still enjoying some things in life, even though I don't want to be here, I'm here cause of Entropy, a body in motion wants to stay in motion.