Venting “You’re depressed because you’re not working”

[ninthhokage]

That is what my mother told me when she noticed that I've been locked away in my room for weeks upon weeks. Then, my ex told me that I'm trying to make everyone miserable, because I'm not working and maybe I should get a job.

I had a job, up until a couple months ago. The reason I left was because I had a complete mental breakdown, and I could not bare to go back. It was a customer-service job where being berated and spoken to condescendingly was expected (call centre).

I hadn't noticed until it was too late, but that place started to eat away at my mental health until I couldn't take it anymore. So I quit. I thought I'd focus on my studies and look into something more relevant to my program (accounting).

But, I started to lose motivation. I started to think I was not good enough. I couldn't focus anymore. All the progress I made this year felt like it was a complete waste of time. I was succumbing to the symptoms of my depression, again. Everything was going so well, and suddenly these thoughts of dying began to creep back into my head, until it was all I could think of.

I wish my mom and ex were right. I wish their ignorance could be my bliss: I'm depressed, because I'm not working; because, I'm not being a productive member to society.

What they don't understand is I'm not working, BECAUSE I'm depressed. I failed this semester, BECAUSE I'm depressed. It must be so amazing for depression to be such a fantasy to these people.

I wish I didn't suffer from such poor mental health. I know I have so much potential, I could have gone so far, if only I didn't have this depression. I've tried to beat it. There were so many times I naively said "I'm no longer depressed" — for it to come right back and ruin my life.

You win, depression. I can't fight any longer. There's no escape for me.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

It's an unfortunate catch 22 type of situation. Not working can be almost as depressing as being employed. Anything customer service related can be very tough at times too though.

Depression in general is misunderstood or downplayed by most people in modern society. I feel for you OP as I've battled depression most of my life and had people tell me similar things.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Wow I feel like I wrote this myself. I am going thru the exact same thing with family and my ex telling me in depressed because I don't work, and I need to be productive bla blah. I was in the same situation in a customer service call center job. I completely lost it and had mental breakdown due to customers bring so rude. My ex let me come be with him and help him after that so I ended up loosing my house. That was few years back and now my ex has left me due to my depression and what he calls "no ambition". Im practically homeless and dumped me back at my families house so I feel even worse....sorry I didn't mean to vent about myself I just related to what you wrote SO much.

Both my ex and my family say I should be working because I need to be a productive member of society and work will make me feel better. Just like for you they don't understand for me that work was making my depression worse. Now I have physical issues limiting what kind of work I can do anyway.

That sentence where you say There were so many times I naively said "I'm no longer depressed" — for it to come right back and ruin my life......that resonates with me so much...it's the story of my life.

Right now im faced with being forced to go back to work if I don't ctb. I will never ever take another customer service call center job again.

 

[ninthhokage]

It's an unfortunate catch 22 type of situation. Not working can be almost as depressing as being employed. Anything customer service related can be very tough at times too though.

Depression in general is misunderstood or downplayed by most people in modern society. I feel for you OP as I've battled depression most of my life and had people tell me similar things.

Yeah, you're right about that. Not working can definitely cause someone to feel depressed. I'm just so annoyed, because my ex had the audacity to tell me to go get a job. Like, buddy. Don't you think there's other shit going on that's stopping me from doing so? And he knows how I've been feeling lately, and told me not to leave him alone in the world. It honestly hurt when he told me that, because I opened up to him and he clearly doesn't get it.

I'm sorry that you've been fighting depression, as well. It's honestly the worst. I wish it wasn't ignored or downplayed so much. But they'll learn once I'm gone.

 

[Disintegration]

Feeling depressed because we live in a messed up society where our fundamental needs are not met is normal. It is less normal to become desensitized to the truth of reality and distract ourselves with societal norms.

You are perfectly fine just the way you are and your emotions are a sign that you're in touch with yourself and the world around you. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad.

Adjusting to a sick world is very challenging, I've been trying for nearly half my life and can hardly do it. You have a lot of company when it comes to what you're going through.

You really have two choices... sink or swim. Even if you make baby steps to swimming you might begin feeling better. Don't focus on others judgmental outlook on you, they are not you and they don't know what you're going through. At the end of the day you only have yourself to answer to.

 

[ninthhokage]

Wow I feel like I wrote this myself. I am going thru the exact same thing with family and my ex telling me in depressed because I don't work, and I need to be productive bla blah. I was in the same situation in a customer service call center job. I completely lost it and had mental breakdown due to customers bring so rude. My ex let me come be with him and help him after that so I ended up loosing my house. That was few years back and now my ex has left me due to my depression and what he calls "no ambition". Im practically homeless and dumped me back at my families house so I feel even worse....sorry I didn't mean to vent about myself I just related to what you wrote SO much.

Both my ex and my family say I should be working because I need to be a productive member of society and work will make me feel better. Just like for you they don't understand for me that work was making my depression worse. Now I have physical issues limiting what kind of work I can do anyway.

That sentence where you say There were so many times I naively said "I'm no longer depressed" — for it to come right back and ruin my life......that resonates with me so much...it's the story of my life.

Right now im faced with being forced to go back to work if I don't ctb. I will never ever take another customer service call center job again.

I'm so sorry to hear that! Omg, you worked in a call centre too? It's honestly the worst. Wow, it's crazy how similar our situations are! I'm glad that you're safe and you were able to return to your family. He sounds like such an asshole... No ambition? Some people really don't understand how depression affects certain individuals. I'm sad to hear that you've also developed a physical disability. That's a lot for somebody to go through. If you do decide to go back to work, yes, definitely DO NOT go back to a call centre. Are there any jobs that you're interested in doing, if and when you're ready?

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Yeah, you're right about that. Not working can definitely cause someone to feel depressed. I'm just so annoyed, because my ex had the audacity to tell me to go get a job. Like, buddy. Don't you think there's other shit going on that's stopping me from doing so? And he knows how I've been feeling lately, and told me not to leave him alone in the world. It honestly hurt when he told me that, because I opened up to him and he clearly doesn't get it.

I'm sorry that you've been fighting depression, as well. It's honestly the worst. I wish it wasn't ignored or downplayed so much. But they'll learn once I'm gone.

Unfortunately they never learn. They'll say things like "I wish they told me they were depressed" or "I was always there when they needed me."

Never do anything to spite or teach someone a lesson. Only do things in life because you want to do them.

 

[ninthhokage]

Feeling depressed because we live in a messed up society where our fundamental needs are not met is normal. It is less normal to become desensitized to the truth of reality and distract ourselves with societal norms.

You are perfectly fine just the way you are and your emotions are a sign that you're in touch with yourself and the world around you. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad.

Adjusting to a sick world is very challenging, I've been trying for nearly half my life and can hardly do it. You have a lot of company when it comes to what you're going through.

You really have two choices... sink or swim. Even if you make baby steps to swimming you might begin feeling better. Don't focus on others judgmental outlook on you, they are not you and they don't know what you're going through. At the end of the day you only have yourself to answer to.

I really appreciate your insight. Yeah, I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately and I've only recently started to notice how sick the world truly is. With that being said, I've decided to sink. I really do not want to be here anymore. I can't bother, and I don't see the point.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I'm so sorry to hear that! Omg, you worked in a call centre too? It's honestly the worst. Wow, it's crazy how similar our situations are! I'm glad that you're safe and you were able to return to your family. He sounds like such an asshole... No ambition? Some people really don't understand how depression affects certain individuals. I'm sad to hear that you've also developed a physical disability. That's a lot for somebody to go through. If you do decide to go back to work, yes, definitely DO NOT go back to a call centre. Are there any jobs that you're interested in doing, if and when you're ready?

And you know what's sad...I love that man more than anything in this world and I will do anything for him just to be together with him again.

I'm looking at no/little customer interaction jobs. I would love to do cleaning but I'm not sure I can handle it with fibromyalgia. There are some night jobs I might take as long as they don't require heavy lifting. I think at the very least I might try a cleaning job... something like overnight office cleaning would be nice.

 

[Stan]

I think working helps to a big degree, even if you hate the job. Gives you a routine and certain contact with the outside world.

 

[ninthhokage]

Unfortunately they never learn. They'll say things like "I wish they told me they were depressed" or "I was always there when they needed me."

Never do anything to spite or teach someone a lesson. Only do things in life because you want to do them.

For sure, I would never end my own life just to teach someone a lesson or spite them. I'm most definitely doing it for myself.

And you know what's sad...I love that man more than anything in this world and I will do anything for him just to be together with him again.

I'm looking at no/little customer interaction jobs. I would love to do cleaning but I'm not sure I can handle it with fibromyalgia. There are some night jobs I might take as long as they don't require heavy lifting. I think at the very least I might try a cleaning job... something like overnight office cleaning would be nice.

At this point I think I'm talking to myself, LOL. I feel the EXACT SAME WAY ABOUT HIM! This man has treated me like shit, called me a bitch, threatened to kill me, and STILL I was always there for him. But no, please do not go back to him if you had the chance. You need to love yourself more, and there is definitely someone out there more deserving of you. An overnight job like that would actually be great. When I had an overnight job I found that it was more relaxed compared to the day and afternoon shifts. I'm wishing you the best of luck, and I hope you are able to find something.

 

[SoupSnakes]

I agree it's catch 22. I lost my job due to my mental health but it's driving me crazy not working because now I have all this free time to think. I'm happy with neither.