“You’re Crazy”

[Stillnotsure]

I'm having a bone marrow biopsy on January 2nd to check for Mastocytosis. I'm a chronic disease sufferer commonly referred to as a unicorn in the medical world because my diseases aren't well known and diagnosable among everyday doctors.

The nurse called me to give me pre-procedure instructions. It's done under general anesthesia. Going through my information she brushes over my advanced health care directive and DNR wrongfully assuming I didn't have one. The conversation was as follows....

Nurse: "And of course you don't have a DNR or advanced care directive, you're too young."

Me:"Actually I do have one, I'm a DNR."

Nurse:".....You're crazy!"

Me: stunned pause..... "Well chronic disease is hell."

Nurse: .... recovering some mumbles, " You're right, I don't know what you're going through." Judgement still dripping from her voice.

I'm so wounded by her reaction. Age is not a disease. Being young does not prevent me from having one. I have the foresight to spare my family a hard decision by deciding for them I do not wish to be resuscitated. I. Fact, everything would be easier if everyone had one, making their wishes known. When I go, let me go. How dare she pass judgment on me. How dare she invalidate my suffering. If I could post a slew of those angry face emojis that are red here I would.

I'm going to go cry now.

Thanks for listening.

 

[15dec]

I'm sorry she said that to you. Some nurses seem to have a complete lack of empathy which is a shame. For what it's worth, I understand why you're a DNR, I can't imagine living with a chronic disease and I'd do the same in your situation. Sending hugs

 

[TAW122]

Fuck that nurse, she is very judgmental and assumed a lot of shit (most of which aren't true or are not well founded). I hate people who invalidate and dismiss others' situation just to feel good and mighty of themselves. I wonder, did she take any action against you or threaten you with anything else or was that it?

 

[Stillnotsure]

Fuck that nurse, she is very judgmental and assumed a lot of shit (most of which aren't true or are not well founded). I hate people who invalidate and dismiss others' situation just to feel good and mighty of themselves. I wonder, did she take any action against you or threaten you with anything else or was that it?

No. Having. DNR or Do not Resuscitate order is a valid piece of medical paperwork, you do not need to be sick at all to get one. It just lays out your wishes should you be incapacitated and can't make them verbally known.

Interestingly, in the USA, if you attempt suicide that invalidates the DNR and they can in fact resuscitate you without legal ramifications. The thought process is that in your sound mind, you would not have made that decision. We are not allowed to take our own lives no matter what.

 

[TiredHorse]

Well my blood pressure just went through the fury-ceiling. That sort of judgementalism is completely out of line, not only in her profession, but in that specific scenario, where verifying a DNR is part of the standard format, meaning that it is a completely legitimate and normal piece of paperwork for that exact situation.

I am so sorry you had to deal with that BS.

As a side note, @Stillnotsure, there have been numerous threads on the forum speculating on the limits of DNRs and the process for getting one. You are the first person I have seen here who has stated openly that she actually has one, and you are EMS, so you know how they are implemented in the field. The rest of us have only either brushed against one in the line of duty, as EMS, or are guessing about them and/or longing for one. If you have the time, energy, and inclination, a <Resource> thread on DNRs --how to obtain, and what their limitations are-- is long overdue.

 

[Stillnotsure]

@TiredHorse id be glad to.

 

[Fcancer]

Not really anything to do with your story, but damn BMB suck.

Go on just shove the big blunt needle into my hip, draw out some marrow, and then snap off a bit of bone just for giggles.

I can't stand them, they are not fun at all!!

 

[Stillnotsure]

Not really anything to do with your story, but damn BMB suck.

Go on just shove the big blunt needle into my hip, draw out some marrow, and then snap off a bit of bone just for giggles.

I can't stand them, they are not fun at all!!

I'm lucky, they're doing it under general anesthesia. I'll probab get a few pain pills for a couple of days too.

 

[Buddyluv19]

No. Having. DNR or Do not Resuscitate order is a valid piece of medical paperwork, you do not need to be sick at all to get one. It just lays out your wishes should you be incapacitated and can't make them verbally

Well, this nurse is obviously insensitive. But he or she is obviously 'ignorant' as well.

There is no 'age limit' for becoming incapacitated. It can happen to anyone. It's just not something most people want to think about - like writing a will.

Good for you, and your loved ones, that you have an AHD.

 

[peachesNpoison]

the nurse is a fuckin' CUNT.

 

[Rollo]

Are you sure she was still judgemental and sarcastic in her last sentence? "You're crazy" was kinda rude but she may have well been honest saying she thinks you're right and she doesn't know what you're going through.

 

[Logic]

I'm having a bone marrow biopsy on January 2nd to check for Mastocytosis. I'm a chronic disease sufferer commonly referred to as a unicorn in the medical world because my diseases aren't well known and diagnosable among everyday doctors.

The nurse called me to give me pre-procedure instructions. It's done under general anesthesia. Going through my information she brushes over my advanced health care directive and DNR wrongfully assuming I didn't have one. The conversation was as follows....

Nurse: "And of course you don't have a DNR or advanced care directive, you're too young."

Me:"Actually I do have one, I'm a DNR."

Nurse:".....You're crazy!"

Me: stunned pause..... "Well chronic disease is hell."

Nurse: .... recovering some mumbles, " You're right, I don't know what you're going through." Judgement still dripping from her voice.

I'm so wounded by her reaction. Age is not a disease. Being young does not prevent me from having one. I have the foresight to spare my family a hard decision by deciding for them I do not wish to be resuscitated. I. Fact, everything would be easier if everyone had one, making their wishes known. When I go, let me go. How dare she pass judgment on me. How dare she invalidate my suffering. If I could post a slew of those angry face emojis that are red here I would.

I'm going to go cry now.

Thanks for listening.

America's thinking is suicide is not based on what the science reason etc says. It's based on this monotheistic value that your life belongs to God and is always worth it even though many of these same people claim you go to eternal paradise after you die. I see the believe in a divine as an extension of a larger tool that strengthens mutual collectivism. The reason why religious are not better people on average using whatever metric you want to use-(teen pregnancy is the same, drug usage is the same or whatever else) is becuase this tool makes you feel superior so you can kill easier whether than be animals, non religious-other religious or whatever else. This tool thus makes her feel like life is always worth it besides when it's obviously not to her. It works exactly how we would expect it to!

 

[Stillnotsure]

Are you sure she was still judgemental and sarcastic in her last sentence? "You're crazy" was kinda rude but she may have well been honest saying she thinks you're right and she doesn't know what you're going through.

I could hear her condescending tone of voice. I am sure.

 

[gingerplum]

Maybe-- I don't think so, based on your take on it-- but just maybe she realized what a stupid thing she blurted out by saying, of course you don't have one, you're too young, and her reaction was one of being embarrassed and flustered.

Maybe she's young. Maybe she's a recent graduate. Maybe she's a tactless asshole with zero empathy; maybe a trifecta of all those things.

I would ask for a dept manager and let them know, very calmly, that the nurse doing your intake assessment made you feel very uncomfortable about your DNR status, going as far as saying, "You're crazy."

She won't make that mistake again.

I remember once admitting a geriatric patient, a gentleman of around 70 years of age. I smiled warmly at his daughter and said, "Don't worry, we're going to take really good care of your father."

When she smiled back and said, "That's not my father, that's my husband," I apologised profusely and hoped the floor would open up and swallow me.

Not an assumption I ever made again.

 

[Stillnotsure]

Maybe-- I don't think so, based on your take on it-- but just maybe she realized what a stupid thing she blurted out by saying, of course you don't have one, you're too young, and her reaction was one of being embarrassed and flustered.

Maybe she's young. Maybe she's a recent graduate. Maybe she's a tactless asshole with zero empathy; maybe a trifecta of all those things.

I would ask for a dept manager and let them know, very calmly, that the nurse doing your intake assessment made you feel very uncomfortable about your DNR status, going as far as saying, "You're crazy."

She won't make that mistake again.

I remember once admitting a geriatric patient, a gentleman of around 70 years of age. I smiled warmly at his daughter and said, "Don't worry, we're going to take really good care of your father."

When she smiled back and said, "That's not my father, that's my husband," I apologised profusely and hoped the floor would open up and swallow me.

Not an assumption I ever made again.

Somehow we talked about her tenure there and she told me she'd been a nurse there for 30 years.

That aside, you are right. I don't believe she'll ever make that mistake again. She had the right to be in my medical chart and no doubt looked through after that and saw everything I've been up to for the past two years.

 

[gingerplum]

Somehow we talked about her tenure there and she told me she'd been a nurse there for 30 years.

Wow. 30 years, and not a shred of tact or diplomacy. I'm embarrassed on her behalf.

 

[Stillnotsure]

Wow. 30 years, and not a shred of tact or diplomacy. I'm embarrassed on her behalf.

Haha me too really.

 

[Zzzzz]

She better say you're right! Maybe she's not old enough to get a DNR haha

 

[NotWorthLiving]

All I can say is "that bitch". She should not have said that and I don't know if its possible but you should report her for being condescending. Sorry she said that to you though. Hugs

 

[Smilla]

I usually find nurses to be more diplomatic and empathetic than doctors (I've had multiple bad experiences with them and my brother is one), so when I have to go to the "doctor" I request to see the Nurse Practitioner for relatively benign issues like an infection or rash. And my last script a few years ago was filled by a NP (for depression), and I recall her being kind as I cried about my latest breakup.

But obviously there are nasty nurses out there, just as there are good and bad doctors.

Sorry this happened to you.

 

[Logic]

I usually find nurses to be more diplomatic and empathetic than doctors (I've had multiple bad experiences with them and my brother is one), so when I have to go to the "doctor" I request to see the Nurse Practitioner for relatively benign issues like an infection or rash. And my last script a few years ago was filled by a NP (for depression), and I recall her being kind as I cried about my latest breakup.

But obviously there are nasty nurses out there, just as there are good and bad doctors.

Sorry this happened to you.

NP laws are expanding so they are now closer to having more of the power/roles of DR. Than ever before!