Your To-Do before CTB list

[Made4TV]

What are important things on your To-do list before you plan to CTB?

For me, there are some things that I absolutely must do, and some things that I'd like to do but may not get to. Since I am trying to organize my thoughts and plans, I figured maybe this might be helpful to someone else too.

MUST DO:

• Finalize my will and also Power of Attorney and Living Will documents (those last two are in case something goes wrong and I end up in hospital). Get those documents signed, witnessed, and notarized.
• Figure out all my business deductions for this year and organize in an excel spreadsheet. My executor will have to file taxes for me if I ctb before I get all my paperwork in January. I freelance so it's not straightforward. Ugh.
• Write thank you notes and letters to the following: Sister, Nephews, Doctor (very close to), Therapist (again, close to) and my best friend who is also my executor. Probably 2 other friends as well.
• Get the duplicate title to my car since I can't find the original. This will help my executor sell it quickly.
• Make a complete list of my accounts: bank, insurance, mortgage, retirement, etc. Logins for software and instructions for cancelling subscriptions to software used in my business. Also services such as Netflix, Amazon, etc, as those will continue to automatically deduct from my bank account after death. Also credit card and debt information.
• Box up some things I want to definitely get rid of before I ctb (we all have that, am I right? ha).
• Organize all the files for one of my clients that I do a lot of work for. They will need those files to start up with another freelancer. Put everything on a hard drive.
• Confirm beneficiaries for life insurance policy and retirement. Have account information handy.

SHOULD DO:

• Get rid of a lot of unnecessary things cluttering up my house. This is a bit of a conundrum because if I change my mind or my luck changes I don't necessarily want to replace things. Still, there are things that could go and I wouldn't miss them much. Also some things I've been meaning to put on craigslist. But I honestly don't have energy right now for this. So it's in the "should do" pile.
• Organize all the fucking piles of paperwork and stuff everywhere. I've just been piling things up for the last 2-3 years. More ugh. But necessary so my executor doesn't hate me (he's my bestie, we're like siblings and I want him to remember me fondly).
  
• Pay for cremation services. I don't have the funds to do this at the moment but might use a credit card and hope that my various credit card debts will be written off after my death. Even though this is in the "should" category, I really do want to do this. Usually it takes so long to get the estate settled and life insurance disbursed that the executor or family have to pay this out of their own pocket soon after death so you don't lie around frozen forever. I don't want my death to negatively affect anyone's finances. I'm already breaking their hearts.
• Organize all my less important client files. I honestly don't know that I can do this. It's a daunting task. I've been freelancing for more than a decade and I have a very haphazard filing system, if you can call it that. Still, it's something I think about. I will probably arrange to have my hard drives given to a friend and let my clients know that they can contact him if they're really in a bind and need something.
• Write notes or letters to friends in my inner-ish circle. And a generic one for friends I've known through the years but wouldn't consider super close. I am torn about this. Maybe one letter with some specific callouts...but then I'd hate for anyone to feel left out. I just have some specific thoughts about suicide I'd like to share.
• My cat. Probably belongs in the "must do" but...I don't know that I can handle this. And I worry that if I put it down (*very* old and unadoptable) that I'll change my mind but then feel horrible about myself for having done this. So if I succeed to ctb I have left instructions in my will to see this one humanely euthanized at home, while eating yummy food. I have very mixed feelings and a lot of guilt about this.
• Clean the house.

Do I seem to be missing anything?

 

[Crest33]

Wow, you have a list. I see that a lot of thinking went into it. I actually have no list at all. Maybe a bit strange. I find it also strange how stone cold I'm about seeing people I possibly won't ever see again.

I do have a plan for my last day which involves visiting 2 important places in my life.

 

[Smilla]

What are important things on your To-do list before you plan to CTB?

For me, there are some things that I absolutely must do, and some things that I'd like to do but may not get to. Since I am trying to organize my thoughts and plans, I figured maybe this might be helpful to someone else too.

MUST DO:

• Finalize my will and also Power of Attorney and Living Will documents (those last two are in case something goes wrong and I end up in hospital). Get those documents signed, witnessed, and notarized.
• Figure out all my business deductions for this year and organize in an excel spreadsheet. My executor will have to file taxes for me if I ctb before I get all my paperwork in January. I freelance so it's not straightforward. Ugh.
• Write thank you notes and letters to the following: Sister, Nephews, Doctor (very close to), Therapist (again, close to) and my best friend who is also my executor. Probably 2 other friends as well.
• Get the duplicate title to my car since I can't find the original. This will help my executor sell it quickly.
• Make a complete list of my accounts: bank, insurance, mortgage, retirement, etc. Logins for software and instructions for cancelling subscriptions to software used in my business. Also services such as Netflix, Amazon, etc, as those will continue to automatically deduct from my bank account after death. Also credit card and debt information.
• Box up some things I want to definitely get rid of before I ctb (we all have that, am I right? ha).
• Organize all the files for one of my clients that I do a lot of work for. They will need those files to start up with another freelancer. Put everything on a hard drive.

SHOULD DO:

• Get rid of a lot of unnecessary things cluttering up my house. This is a bit of a conundrum because if I change my mind or my luck changes I don't necessarily want to replace things. Still, there are things that could go and I wouldn't miss them much. Also some things I've been meaning to put on craigslist. But I honestly don't have energy right now for this. So it's in the "should do" pile.
• Organize all the fucking piles of paperwork and stuff everywhere. I've just been piling things up for the last 2-3 years. More ugh. But necessary so my executor doesn't hate me (he's my bestie, we're like siblings and I want him to remember me fondly).
  
• Pay for cremation services. I don't have the funds to do this at the moment but might use a credit card and hope that my various credit card debts will be written off after my death. Even though this is in the "should" category, I really do want to do this. Usually it takes so long to get the estate settled and life insurance disbursed that the executor or family have to pay this out of their own pocket soon after death so you don't lie around frozen forever. I don't want my death to negatively affect anyone's finances. I'm already breaking their hearts.
• Organize all my less important client files. I honestly don't know that I can do this. It's a daunting task. I've been freelancing for more than a decade and I have a very haphazard filing system, if you can call it that. Still, it's something I think about. I will probably arrange to have my hard drives given to a friend and let my clients know that they can contact him if they're really in a bind and need something.
• Write notes or letters to friends in my inner-ish circle. And a generic one for friends I've known through the years but wouldn't consider super close. I am torn about this. Maybe one letter with some specific callouts...but then I'd hate for anyone to feel left out. I just have some specific thoughts about suicide I'd like to share.
• My cat. Probably belongs in the "must do" but...I don't know that I can handle this. And I worry that if I put it down (*very* old and unadoptable) that I'll change my mind but then feel horrible about myself for having done this. So if I succeed to ctb I have left instructions in my will to see this one humanely euthanized at home, while eating yummy food. I have very mixed feelings and a lot of guilt about this.
• Clean the house.

Do I seem to be missing anything?

This list is almost identical to mine.

Also remember to change your beneficiary on an IRA or 401k if needed!!!!!

A WILL will NOT override these designations if conflicting; the IRA beneficiary form is VERY important to keep up to date.

I changed mine a few months ago. It's easy to change if you have one of these accounts and be sure to call and CONFIRM the changes and print out and leave with your will.

I'm in the US—your laws may vary if you are somewhere else.

As a CPA I didn't even know this so I was quite relieved to find out.

Good luck.

Also I too am trying to find the goddamn title to my car and might need a replacement. Pain in the ass.

 

[Made4TV]

I just added that to the list - I'm pretty sure I just did it recently but I'll check again and make sure all that information is readily available. Thanks!

 

[Made4TV]

Wow, you have a list. I see that a lot of thinking went into it. I actually have no list at all. Maybe a bit strange. I find it also strange how stone cold I'm about seeing people I possibly won't ever see again.

I do have a plan for my last day which involves visiting 2 important places in my life.

I think it probably depends a lot on what you own and what your financial situation is. Which ties in, often, to how old you are. Since I own property and also have quite a bit of debt, I am doing what I can to make sure that my assets at least outweigh my debt. If you don't own property, and own your vehicle outright, it's usually much easier. Your family or next of kin take your possessions. I don't know what happens to money or bank accounts, etc, if you CTB without a will. I guess one could withdraw everything and close those accounts before CTBing so it's not a hassle for family.

 

[52shriek]

Oh my, just reading your list makes me feel exhausted. I wish I had the courage to get *anything* organized. I'll be lucky if I manage to leave a note that explains somewhat accurately what I feel and what I've been through.

 

[Made4TV]

Oh my, just reading your list makes me feel exhausted. I wish I had the courage to get *anything* organized. I'll be lucky if I manage to leave a note that explains somewhat accurately what I feel and what I've been through.

I totally understand. I'm only trying to do all this so as not to bring additional suffering to other people by my passing. At least the will for sure...and work stuff.

 

[TiredHorse]

That's a very similar list to mine, almost all of which I have by now checked off.

I will observe that it's a bit peculiar speaking with someone about your own impending cremation, and caution others that I got the sense the young woman I was speaking with was, by the end of our conversation, beginning to figure out what I intended. She didn't pry, but she was a bit quicker than I had initially given her credit for.

Some additional things I've done:

• Boxed up all my clothes to go to Goodwill (good shirts, trousers, sweaters) or to be thrown out (underwear, T-shirts). It's a drag living out of boxes --I packed them before my first attempt and haven't had the heart to move back into closet/dresser-- but it will save my relatives the sorrow (and tedium) of cleaning out items that are so personal.
• Tagged with colored sticker-dots those items that I want to bequeath to specific people, but don't yet want to live without --e.g. favorite books, nice tools in the shop, sentimental mementos. Each color of dot means something specific --green/blue = family, yellow/red = friend-- and each is marked with a sharpie with a letter for the individual --"M" = mother, etc. A printed key for those markings is with my final notes.
• Placed on a back-up hard drive whatever computer files I do want my survivors to have access to, with the intent to now encrypt and lock my computer itself. If the LEOs take my computer, my family will at least have copies of everything I deem relevant.

I found that cleaning the house before my first two attempts --general scrub, laundry, dishes-- may have distracted me from actually ctb later that evening. For future attempts, I intend to do the clean-up the day before, and I need to accept that there will be some details not as tidy as I would have liked.

My cat. Probably belongs in the "must do" but...I don't know that I can handle this. And I worry that if I put it down (*very* old and unadoptable) that I'll change my mind but then feel horrible about myself for having done this. So if I succeed to ctb I have left instructions in my will to see this one humanely euthanized at home, while eating yummy food. I have very mixed feelings and a lot of guilt about this.

Ouch. That would be a tough one for me. I know when I had my horse, he was one of the big reasons I couldn't ctb. Now that he's gone, he's one of the big reasons I hope there's an afterlife. I so badly want to see him again.

Good list, good thread, Made4TV.

 

[ChickenAndPotatoes]

-Burn documents I have collected. They mostly came in the mail-these documents have my name and important information typed on them and I don't need them anymore.
-My monthly car payment, car insurance, an ambulance bill, renters insurance, cellphone, electric bill are my only debts because my bankruptcy was discharged in July.
-I have no spouse, no kids, no pets, no will, no life insurance, and very little (like 1k in savings).
-Thanks for reminding me I need an advanced directive (living will) although it'll likely get ignored if I try to request a DNR. I've never done a living will (advanced directive) so I'm assuming you can add a DNR order on the document(?)
-The VA will pay for my burial or cremation and/or the headstone, I believe. I will check on this.
-Clean my car and apartment and bathe thoroughly. Throw away all the perishables in my fridge and freezer. I don't want people thinking I'm a crummy dirty ass.
-Charcoal grill (carbon monoxide) in car is my chosen method. So in a few days I will go buy the charcoal grill, briquettes, and a bunch of brick stepping stones to line the trunk of my car so the material/cloth is less likely to catch on fire.
-Write a short note addressed generally to all family members. "I love you all truly forever. I'm going to try to meet our creators (Gods)."
-I'm torn between a short letter like that or a longer one detailing EXACTLY why I want to CTB and risk sounding whiny and depressive.

 

[Made4TV]

-I'm torn between a short letter like that or a longer one detailing EXACTLY why I want to CTB and risk sounding whiny and depressive.

Right there with you. I have a feeling if I lay out my thoughts it won't matter because people will just be going "but....selfish!" to everything. Sigh.

 

[Xerxes]

A pastor once told me that if I were to commit suicide, was make my to-do list, and after I'm done take a long walk in any direction without ID. At the end, if I still wanted to die, then I have permission to end my life.

 

[Crest33]

I think it probably depends a lot on what you own and what your financial situation is. Which ties in, often, to how old you are. Since I own property and also have quite a bit of debt, I am doing what I can to make sure that my assets at least outweigh my debt. If you don't own property, and own your vehicle outright, it's usually much easier. Your family or next of kin take your possessions. I don't know what happens to money or bank accounts, etc, if you CTB without a will. I guess one could withdraw everything and close those accounts before CTBing so it's not a hassle for family.

I didn't think that way, buy you're absolutely right. I own some stocks and money on the bank. I'll would like to give all my assets to a youth movement I was part of for 15 years. My parents or sister are really not in the need for money. They have plenty and wouldn't even want what I have.

And in Belgium it's the bank who will gather the money. The family just has to sign and help take decisions.

 

[TiredHorse]

A pastor once told me that if I were to commit suicide, was make my to-do list, and after I'm done take a long walk in any direction without ID. At the end, if I still wanted to die, then I have permission to end my life.

Sounds remarkably pragmatic, for a man of the cloth.

 

[Xerxes]

Indeed, I'm taking what he said to heart. I will go for that long walk after I did my list.

 

[Made4TV]

Just resurrecting this to say I'm glad I tried to get the replacement title to my car today. Found out the DMV never received the paperwork from the original loan company when I paid it off. Hence i guess why I can't find the title! This would have been a huge hassle for my friend to try to sort out if I'd died without trying to take care of these things. Dying responsibly is a lot of work though. And it also means i have to wait at least 2 more weeks now just because of this issue.

 

[Deafsn0w]

• Mommy becomes my conservator
• Pretends to get better in a residential care facility school
• Complete high school
• Conservatorship ends
• Spend time with family
• Save up for things i need to ctb
• Goodbye letters to my family
• DEATH!!!

 

[Sinbad]

Few days before my travel, I will eliminate my history as much as possible. This includes throwing away all my things, deleting my online history, quitting my job, getting my money out of the bank, etc.
Half a day before I CTB I will destroy and throw away my laptop and mobile.

No goodbyes or a suicide note..thought about it but better not.

 

[stargazer]

Due to logistical reasons and time constraints, I'm not nearly as organised or prepared as I would have preferred.

So there'll be no cleaning up, tidying up, plus it's just delaying things.

I'm leaving it all behind anyway, so that means I'm just being practical, and only doing the bare minimum which is the laziness of my entire life.

I'll just be getting a pen and paper ready, have some ID in my pocket, and just won't be wasting time procrastinating. I'll lose the motivation otherwise.

 

[stargazer]

Also my superannuation details look good, I've listed who should receive it (though not legally binding). It's only a few thousand dollars. I won't be needing it, ha!

 

[stargazer]

Oh my, just reading your list makes me feel exhausted. I wish I had the courage to get *anything* organized. I'll be lucky if I manage to leave a note that explains somewhat accurately what I feel and what I've been through.

This made me laugh a little, because I can relate.

 

[Goldie]

I don't have much organising to do. Most of my belongings are back in my home country so I have very little to throw away /sort through. I will try to get cremation paid for but as I'm living in a foreign country this may prove difficult.

I will be leaving a few notes to a few people, but I don't think I will write a generic note.

 

[b4sun]

i kinda envy you all , me on the other hand , no friends , no place to visit
all the things i own is the last of it , too old to give away , one who resent family
and family who resent me . after im gone what's left is only all the comments
i left on the internet . other than that no one will remembers me.

 

[crova]

A pastor once told me that if I were to commit suicide, was make my to-do list, and after I'm done take a long walk in any direction without ID. At the end, if I still wanted to die, then I have permission to end my life.

I like it! Very poetic.

 

[hieronymus.bosch]

Nothing to do.

 

[Arvinneedstodie]

i kinda envy you all , me on the other hand , no friends , no place to visit
all the things i own is the last of it , too old to give away , one who resent family
and family who resent me . after im gone what's left is only all the comments
i left on the internet . other than that no one will remembers me.

Same here... my loneliness has been both a hell and a blessing.

 

[BjartNO]

As a CPA

You too, huh?

 

[Smilla]

You too, huh?

Actually I let my license lapse a year ago when I decided to ctb
Actually bought a firm and it was a disaster, I hate my career.

Worked for regional and local firms and hated every second.

Do you at least like your job?

 

[Smilla]

Just resurrecting this to say I'm glad I tried to get the replacement title to my car today. Found out the DMV never received the paperwork from the original loan company when I paid it off. Hence i guess why I can't find the title! This would have been a huge hassle for my friend to try to sort out if I'd died without trying to take care of these things. Dying responsibly is a lot of work though. And it also means i have to wait at least 2 more weeks now just because of this issue.

I hate the DMV, what a shit show of beuracracy. They tried to charge me sales tax on a car when I moved states. Was a nightmare to sort out and I won in the end.

 

[BjartNO]

Do you at least like your job?

Sorry, I actually only have the education, no one ever wanted to hire me.
From what I've heard I don't think the career would have saved the ruins of my life, regardless.
So sorry to hear about your experiences.

 

[Smilla]

Sorry, I actually only have the education, no one ever wanted to hire me.
From what I've heard I don't think the career would have saved the ruins of my life, regardless.
So sorry to hear about your experiences.

Thank you and I'm sorry to for your pain.

My life is in ruins also.