Discussion Your opinion on family reactions after your death

[elvvsie]

On Monday, I went to my cousin's funeral. He hung himself. After seeing his family so heartbroken and defeated, I started thinking more about how my close family would react if i decided to ctb. Before I never really cared, I just thought "well I'll be dead so it won't matter to me". Just been thinking about it a lot. Especially my sister.

How does everyone else feel about it?

 

[Worndown]

All but the worst families are crushed by a death. That cannot be avoided.
Leaving them with sound, well explained reasons why you had to leave is important. They need to see where YOU were in life. They only see where they are.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

My husband will be devastated. My father will be upset for sure, but we were never super close. My mother has dementia and barely remembers who I am anymore. My brother will be upset, but also mad that I left him alone to deal will our aging parents. The thought of hurting my family makes me sick and it's a big part of why I'm still here.

 

[AbusedInnocent]

Mine will forget me in a week max so it's not something I even consider when deciding to ctb.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

My sister died around 3 weeks ago so I know how my family would react to my death... or at least that's what I want to say but I know that my family would react differently if they learnt that I were to have died by killing myself rather than dying naturally. My parents are extremely religious and so they would get frustrated at me for having committed a sin in their religion. They won't be sympathetic towards me in the long run though, around a few days after my death, I suspect they would act in the same way as they acted when my sister died.

I saw their grief and pain firsthand but, honestly, it doesn't affect me in the slightest. Of course their pain is real and extreme but that's the price they have to pay for giving birth in the first place. If they don't want to deal with grief, they shouldn't have gave birth in the first place. My life is more important than theirs and I owe them nothing

 

[timetodie24]

I've seen how my parents reacted to my attempts so I have some idea. Another family member died around the age I am now but not ctb so I've seen how that affected family too. At first they will be devastated and angry.
Just like losing any family, the grief will always be there to some extent but they will learn to live with it. I do feel guilty about the pain I'll cause. But in time they will become grateful when they realise a huge burden is lifted from them and that I'm no longer suffering.

 

[AndroidAmongHumans]

I'm not entirely sure I care as much as I probably should about that. On one hand, I know it will affect them deeply to lose a child. On the other hand, my dad monitored me and did stalker level shit online well into my adulthood and gave me a whole complex about being tracked, my mom spent 4.5 years groping me as a teenager and repeatedly told me I was worthless and deserved to die alone over things as small as addressing an envelope incorrectly, and my sister has told me she thinks I'm a paranoid selfish asshole and she brings up every anxiety attack or depression symptom for approval from our parents by comparison every chance she gets. Maybe it's petty, but I spent the first 18 years of my life trying to be the best kid ever to win their love and approval and to one day not be mistreated by proving I was good enough, and when that didn't work I spent the next 6 just trying to stay out of their way and live my own life without them knowing too much about me, so if I make them unbearably sad and angry and terrified when I kill myself, I don't really mind doing that.

 

[vaqueero]

On Monday, I went to my cousin's funeral. He hung himself. After seeing his family so heartbroken and defeated, I started thinking more about how my close family would react if i decided to ctb. Before I never really cared, I just thought "well I'll be dead so it won't matter to me". Just been thinking about it a lot. Especially my sister.

How does everyone else feel about it?

 

[tbroken]

I honesly dgaf, my parents are 2 failures, 2 babies who should never have been allowed to have children. My life was a complete disgrace and defeat... I got my SN stolen by someone who took my bag with SN in it, otherwise i would already kms.The worst part is that my parents don't admit all their faults and keep pushing me to the edge over and over... I am nothing right now, i was always nothing and I never experienced love by anybody...Now i'm understanding it. I dropped definetely all my interests, self care and stuff... I just want to end this shit. My parents are the main source of all of my pain, they don't even let me die in peace.

 

[sugarb]

On Monday, I went to my cousin's funeral. He hung himself. After seeing his family so heartbroken and defeated, I started thinking more about how my close family would react if i decided to ctb. Before I never really cared, I just thought "well I'll be dead so it won't matter to me". Just been thinking about it a lot. Especially my sister.

How does everyone else feel about it?

I had a time about two months ago where I was feeling especially emotional and kept thinking about it, especially while trying to write notes to everybody. I'm my younger brother's only friend and my parents and other relatives genuinely love me a lot, so I cried a ton when I started really thinking about me wrecking their lives and hurting them and etc.

Eventually I just cut off that train of thought and put it out of mind as much as possible. There's no point in me suffering and feeling guilt over something I'm just going to do anyway.

 

[Agon321]

I try not to think about it.

Unfortunately, this is a difficult situation.

Maybe when I die it won't be my problem at all and I won't have to worry about it.

 

[astr4]

i mean sure, my parents will grieve and be upset afterwards, but i've been suicidal since i was 12. i've been telling my parents regularly every time stuff in my life gets bad that i'm struggling and i need help. they know i'm suicidal. at this point i don't think they care. every time i say i'm planning on killing myself my mom sucks her teeth and rolls her eyes. they'll be sad on the surface but secretly relieved they don't have to deal with me anymore. i don't think either of them realized how much they would hate being parents until i was born, so my death means they're free of that burden too.

i guess to some extent it's like the boy who cried wolf. i say it so much more than i actually attempt it (3 times) so ultimately i guess i don't blame them for not taking me seriously. i just wish at this point they would accept and understand it and help me out with ending things. they brought me into this world without my consent so i feel they should help me exit as well, but that's a pipe dream i suppose.

 

[CrossTheBridge]

I'd like to see the look on my dad's face after I blow my head off in front of him.

 

[comabitvewombat]

If I had succeeded my attempt while my mom was still with her ex (who abused me and ended up killing the only one who was there for me throughout 6 years of torment, my cat, and laughed at me and made fun of my attempts while I was still living with them) I don't think she would have cared nearly as much as she would now. Her life is so tragic. Her dad was a creep and my grandma let her move out with a 30 year old while she was 13. She was extremely abused by all of her exes that I know of besides my dead dad, ex stepdad, and current bf. I just feel this sickening twisted feeling of guilt that gnaws on me almost as much as my depression that hasn't stopped since my dad died, and my stepdad and mom both stopped treating me with love and started abusing me because of my outbursts caused by depression when I was a child. I don't want to be yet another horrible landmark of her mostly awful life. She's found happiness again with her new bf and started spoiling me and trying to make up for the past. I don't know what else to do, though. I just don't know how I'm supposed to keep trying when my only reason for living is to make her not sad. I haven't been thriving since 10 years ago. I've barely been passing by.

 

[avalonisburning]

It's unavoidable, and dictating their reactions to your death is folly, so it's not worth tormenting yourself over. When you reach this point in life, you're presented with the inescapable sadistic choice of who deserves to suffer more. It's like entropy. It can't be destroyed or reversed, so you have to either embrace it or redirect it somewhere else.