"Great another pointless day doing the same things and feeling the same way. Nothing is changing or helping. Even the dreams you had were depressing making you feel weird off setting vibes that you can't control. You have no control. Kill yourself, Kill yourself, kill yourself. DO IT you fucking idiot. What are you waiting for? No don't think like that. Not today go away. Not today, go away. Please just stop it like fuck. Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself. No, no I can't, not yet. Do it you're wasting your time, your life is pathetic and nothing you do matters. Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself. Just get it over with damnit. Am I always going to feel like this?"
And then after ruminating with those thoughts and feelings I'd get overwhelmed and then proceed to surf on my phone and then get ready to go smoke a bowl outside to forget myself even for a moment.