Discussion Your Experience with Narcissists

[wiIIow]

Have you been affected by a narcissist in your life, either by growing up with one in the family, or a romantic/platonic relationship with one? How do you think it has affected your way of thinking, view of yourself/the world, etc?

My mother is a narcissist, as is my aunt, and my mother worshipped the ground she walked on in an effort to please her. Really, that whole side of the family was a conga line of shit, with my aunt as the ringleader, and with myself as the scapegoat. It would take a long time to really describe the way in which this cultlike family operated, but it has left me traumatized to say the least. Even now that I am aware of the ways their behavior affected me, I still have constant doubts in my mind about myself. I am always afraid to speak, overthinking every word that I say with an underlying fear that my words take up too much space. Maybe I am being too selfish. Maybe I really am toxic and should cease contact with anyone I care about.

This was all really cemented into place when I briefly dated, and maintained a long-term on-again off-again friendship with a narcissist. A man who was obsessed with me, and obsessed with controlling me and every aspect of my life. It's difficult to describe the ways that he manipulated me and even altered/made me doubt my entire perception of reality, projected onto me, and how much trauma was put in place as a result.


These relationships have made it very difficult to maintain relationships with well-meaning people. I always feel that I'm walking on eggshells, and I'm quick to assume that I've fucked up when someone shows any sign of being a little bit upset about something. I'm praised for being empathetic, when really I am hypersensitive to subtle signals put out by others that perhaps many people wouldn't notice, as a leftover from habits developed for the sake of survival.


Anyway, I could go on and on about this subject for days, but I want to hear your story. How has a narcissist affected you?

 

[ReadyasEver]

Yes, my littlest brother was one. He came out of it after several years of myself ( oldest ) and middle brother put the fear of God into him enough times. We got in a lot of trouble too, but it was effective.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

My whole life has been systematically destroyed by a family of narcissists. My father is a classic grandiose narcissist who thinks the world revolves around him. He's also a sociopath with the empathy of a flea. He would beat me up and scream at me daily. I had to walk around him on eggshells for fear of triggering his man-baby tantrums and rages.

My mother is a covert narcissist who enabled my father to abuse me and proceeded to gaslight me whenever I complained. She mind-fucked with me my whole life and made me feel that my father was treating me brutally because I deserved it. She invalidated every. single. thing. I. said. She could argue with me that an orange is blue just to make me doubt my own reality.

I was the designated Scapegoat of the family and none of my talents were ever recognised. I was made to feel like a worthless burden who didn't deserve to breathe. I know that my severe health issues have been caused due to growing up in a warzone instead of a normal family.

When both your parents are sociopathic narcs, your whole life turns into a shitshow. I often frequent the Reddit sub "raisedbynarcissists" just to confirm that I'm not alone in this. These awful people broke my spirit, my mind and my body. Nowadays I'm Very Low Contact with them in order to preserve the little sanity I have left.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

My mother is one. But she had an awful life. As a kid she was locked in the basement for days at a time and was beaten regularly. She was kicked out of the house at an early age and had a hellish time living on the streets, with drugs, prostitution etc, culminating with the rape and murder of her own sister forced into the same life. So how can I really hate? She's just human, irreparably fucked by this horrible existence. When I was younger I had no understanding of this, but I am a lot lighter on her now. I also have no energy for rage or trying to correct people anymore, so I just opt out if things get awkward between us.

Anyway, I tend to see it as part of the human condition, and not necessarily that someone is so evil or whatever. There are times when certain behaviors are out of line or unacceptable of course, but I try to ask myself "why?" before I get angry. Still, being raised in such a way had an impact on me because there are always ripple-effects that spill over from generation to generation. The best thing I can do is not perpetuate any more suffering by refusing to have children. Keep your genes in your jeans, and all that.

 

[wiIIow]

My whole life has been systematically destroyed by a family of narcissists. My father is a classic grandiose narcissist who thinks the world revolves around him. He's also a sociopath with the empathy of a flea. He would beat me up and scream at me daily. I had to walk around him on eggshells for fear of triggering his man-baby tantrums and rages.

My mother is a covert narcissist who enabled my father to abuse me and proceeded to gaslight me whenever I complained. She mind-fucked with me my whole life and made me feel that my father was treating me brutally because I deserved it. She invalidated every. single. thing. I. said. She could argue with me that an orange is blue just to make me doubt my own reality.

I was the designated Scapegoat of the family and none of my talents were ever recognised. I was made to feel like a worthless burden who didn't deserve to breathe. I know that my severe health issues have been caused due to growing up in a warzone instead of a normal family.

When both your parents are sociopathic narcs, your whole life turns into a shitshow. I often frequent the Reddit sub "raisedbynarcissists" just to confirm that I'm not alone in this. These awful people broke my spirit, my mind and my body. Nowadays I'm Very Low Contact with them in order to preserve the little sanity I have left.

I am so, so sorry for what you suffered through. I relate very much to what you said, minus the physical beatings and the fact that I was lucky enough to have a father who I could escape to every other weekend. Unfortunately he was also the victim of much of my mother's/aunt's tactics, ranging from the public slandering/false persinal victimizing (a great talent of narcissists), to a stunt that almost landed him in jail for something he didn't do.

I wish there was a way to feel whole and sane again, but I'm not sure how feasible that is after long term exposure to such treatment. Being gradually worn down over time, and having a brain that has developed in whatever way was necessary for self-preservation at the cost of being incompatible with society. Cutting off contact does help, but the damage remains

 

[wiIIow]

Yes, my littlest brother was one. He came out of it after several years of myself ( oldest ) and middle brother put the fear of God into him enough times. We got in a lot of trouble too, but it was effective.

I'm sorry to hear that, I am glad that you were able to get through to him. I would imagine that's a very difficult thing to do, it seems these types of people rarely become self aware enough, or acquire any sort of desire to change their ways.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

I am so, so sorry for what you suffered through. I relate very much to what you said, minus the physical beatings and the fact that I was lucky enough to have a father who I could escape to every other weekend. Unfortunately he was also the victim of much of my mother's/aunt's tactics, ranging from the public slandering/false persinal victimizing (a great talent of narcissists), to a stunt that almost landed him in jail for something he didn't do.

I wish there was a way to feel whole and sane again, but I'm not sure how feasible that is after long term exposure to such treatment. Being gradually worn down over time, and having a brain that has developed in whatever way was necessary for self-preservation at the cost of being incompatible with society. Cutting off contact does help, but the damage remains

I'm sorry to hear you went through similar treatment. Narc abuse really destroys a child's confidence to the degree they feel that they don't deserve to exist. I've done therapy but in my case the damage done to me is irreversible.

It sounds like your dad was a victim of their smear campaign. Narcs are experts at that sort of thing. They're such vile and toxic people.

 

[wiIIow]

My mother is one. But she had an awful life. As a kid she was locked in the basement for days at a time and was beaten regularly. She was kicked out of the house at an early age and had a hellish time living on the streets, with drugs, prostitution etc, culminating with the rape and murder of her own sister forced into the same life. So how can I really hate? She's just human, irreparably fucked by this horrible existence. When I was younger I had no understanding of this, but I am a lot lighter on her now. I also have no energy for rage or trying to correct people anymore, so I just opt out if things get awkward between us.

Anyway, I tend to see it as part of the human condition, and not necessarily that someone is so evil or whatever. There are times when certain behaviors are out of line or unacceptable of course, but I try to ask myself "why?" before I get angry. Still, being raised in such a way had an impact on me because there are always ripple-effects that spill over from generation to generation. The best thing I can do is not perpetuate any more suffering by refusing to have children. Keep your genes in your jeans, and all that.

I understand, and that's a noble view to have. I know bitterness drives my view a bit, my life and wellbeing have been obliterated due to the behaviors of these people. I do know that my mom had some trauma of her own growing up, and it was probably inevitable considering the way that whole family is. I also saw the way my ex's father treated him, and I can see how that may have affected his behavior.

In my opinion, that still doesn't excuse the behavior, and I will never forgive the ones that left the scars that they did. I can understand, but I can't forgive. I've tried to train myself to take accountability and be cognizant of when I am exhibiting toxic behavior myself. I am so afraid of perpetuating the cycle; that maybe I am just like them

 

[azucaramargo]

Have you been affected by a narcissist in your life, either by growing up with one in the family, or a romantic/platonic relationship with one? How do you think it has affected your way of thinking, view of yourself/the world, etc?

My mother is a narcissist, as is my aunt, and my mother worshipped the ground she walked on in an effort to please her. Really, that whole side of the family was a conga line of shit, with my aunt as the ringleader, and with myself as the scapegoat. It would take a long time to really describe the way in which this cultlike family operated, but it has left me traumatized to say the least. Even now that I am aware of the ways their behavior affected me, I still have constant doubts in my mind about myself. I am always afraid to speak, overthinking every word that I say with an underlying fear that my words take up too much space. Maybe I am being too selfish. Maybe I really am toxic and should cease contact with anyone I care about.

This was all really cemented into place when I briefly dated, and maintained a long-term on-again off-again friendship with a narcissist. A man who was obsessed with me, and obsessed with controlling me and every aspect of my life. It's difficult to describe the ways that he manipulated me and even altered/made me doubt my entire perception of reality, projected onto me, and how much trauma was put in place as a result.


These relationships have made it very difficult to maintain relationships with well-meaning people. I always feel that I'm walking on eggshells, and I'm quick to assume that I've fucked up when someone shows any sign of being a little bit upset about something. I'm praised for being empathetic, when really I am hypersensitive to subtle signals put out by others that perhaps many people wouldn't notice, as a leftover from habits developed for the sake of survival.


Anyway, I could go on and on about this subject for days, but I want to hear your story. How has a narcissist affected you?

Is everyone on this site a freaking novelist? Willow, you are another example of an incredibly eloquent writer. I love that expression you used -- "a conga line of shit." I would probably be a narcissist ruining other people's lives, so I can't relate. But, I DID want to weigh in about your awesome writing skills.

 

[wiIIow]

Is everyone on this site a freaking novelist? Willow, you are another example of an incredibly eloquent writer. I love that expression you used -- "a conga line of shit." I would probably be a narcissist ruining other people's lives, so I can't relate. But, I DID want to weigh in about your awesome writing skills.

Hah... well thank you, I really appreciate it. Catch me on the discord chat, and your opinion may change. For some reason I write differently in a forum setup