platypusfan
Member
- Jun 29, 2023
- 88
A suicide forum is probably the last place to ask that question but I would like some different viewpoints, especially considering how much of an impact my general view of life will have on whether or not I get myself to CTB. If this belongs in a different section move it there but I put it in recovery because I do think this idea has a large influence on my ability to recover.
I've been extremely nihilistic for most of my life, and it made me really depressed, then at some point I thought I'd give the idea of meaning another try, and after a long bit of that I ended up even deeper into a nihilistic viewpoint but this time it didn't depress me. It really, and I mean REALLY sunk in, I have started to fall into the bad habit of truly following this, as in both pain and pleasure are the same and I can do whatever I want and extremely random things will happen and my reaction can be whatever I want it to be because it doesn't matter. Or maybe this is absurdism now? I can't express the feeling well but it's sort of a strong apathy, and there are waves of euphoria and frustration, which is a completely new feeling right now. I am continuing to go back and forth between wanting to end it and not wanting to, but I can't seem to find any possibility that there is any good reason for me to continue consciousness. I'm not asking for a reason to live I am just asking if anyone has found a different way to view this topic.
I've been extremely nihilistic for most of my life, and it made me really depressed, then at some point I thought I'd give the idea of meaning another try, and after a long bit of that I ended up even deeper into a nihilistic viewpoint but this time it didn't depress me. It really, and I mean REALLY sunk in, I have started to fall into the bad habit of truly following this, as in both pain and pleasure are the same and I can do whatever I want and extremely random things will happen and my reaction can be whatever I want it to be because it doesn't matter. Or maybe this is absurdism now? I can't express the feeling well but it's sort of a strong apathy, and there are waves of euphoria and frustration, which is a completely new feeling right now. I am continuing to go back and forth between wanting to end it and not wanting to, but I can't seem to find any possibility that there is any good reason for me to continue consciousness. I'm not asking for a reason to live I am just asking if anyone has found a different way to view this topic.