Venting You with BPD or abandonment issues, did you get over it?

[tiredeyes]

I have been diagnosed with bpd not long ago. It kind of make sense thanks to all past trauma and how hard it's always been for a person to leave my life. I know that's one huge symptom in bpd, abandonment issues.

For me it's like being in this loop were I adore my person and I truly believe that lll spend the rest of my life with, wether it be in a friendship or romantically. All plans and feelings being thrown away hurts just as much as if the person died. It's greif, then emptiness then repeat. I just wish someone could love me as hard as I love. Maybe that's a selfish thing to wish for but I'm so tired of this bullshit. How do people just get over it? What do you mean "there are plenty more fish in the sea"? The pain is physically and mentally draining. Lot of people irl have told me it's normal to feel the ups and downs in life, that I will find peace within me and minimize the way I think and feel. It's been years, it's either a huge loneliness or intense painful episodes. It's like I become a slave to life and mind. I would love to just shut everything down with no thoughts no sight no nothing but peace. I have lost the most important people to death anyway.

With that said...my question to everyone is did you really get over the people who left? Would it be selfish to commit because of the pain people have done by leaving?

 

[Seered Doom]

I may not have BPD, though I do have abandonment issues. I've never "gotten over it" though. I know it's not selfish to ctb because of people giving you pain from leaving you, however. If anything, it's a sign that people have ignored things for so long that there's no other message they're listening to if that's the road you wish to go down.

 

[tiredeyes]

glad you get it, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else I don't see why it would be wrong or selfish ending it a little sooner than later.

 

[Seered Doom]

So long as it's not on too much impulse, just be prepared and know what you're doing before doing something possibly regrettable. Research and preparation is important after all.

 

[tiredeyes]

So long as it's not on too much impulse, just be prepared and know what you're doing before doing something possibly regrettable. Research and preparation is important after all.

Of course, I have been thinking about this for years. I rather just skip to the end than watching it all since I already know how it will play thru if you know what I mean. Im not in a state of sadness or stress, just empty and feel like I have done my part.

 

[RainAndSadness]

Yeah. I just don't enter relationships with anyone anymore. I keep a healthy distance to most people in my life now. Nobody can abandon you if there is nobody to abandon you.

It sounds like a joke but that's unironically what I've been doing for the past few years. And quite honestly, it works. Of course, isolating yourself like that comes with its own set of issues but I prefer it that way. I am less miserable now than before.

 

[tiredeyes]

lmao that's what I have been doing lately, it's like they can't leave you if you leave first

 

[Seered Doom]

for me, it's sometimes having a very strong "Go away from me, get away from me, leave me alone!" type of response, self-sabotage, or the opposite of "Please don't leave me, let me love you" and a fawn response. There is no in between. Fucking hate it.

 

[Lysandre]

I have BPD but Im not sure I have attachment issues. Last person I dated, I was avoidant as shit, it was back in 2019, it hurt as hell when we broke up but it was my fault, I was an ass.

Now I love someone, sometimes I think about my ex, not in a good way, more like grief than anything else cause I know I don't like them anymore. Today, that person that I love? If we ever got apart I think I'd hurt like I'd been stabbed, sometimes I feel like I wouldn't be able to survive it yet I know it'll fail.

 

[tiredeyes]

for me, it's sometimes having a very strong "Go away from me, get away from me, leave me alone!" type of response, self-sabotage, or the opposite of "Please don't leave me, let me love you" and a fawn response. There is no in between. Fucking hate it.

Exactly!! After wanting to cut it off and they actually go with it I immediately go back begging to not be left. It's so emotionally confusing.

 

[Seered Doom]

I feel seen and heard in this thread, oml

 

[tiredeyes]

I have BPD but Im not sure I have attachment issues. Last person I dated, I was avoidant as shit, it was back in 2019, it hurt as hell when we broke up but it was my fault, I was an ass.

Now I love someone, sometimes I think about my ex, not in a good way, more like grief than anything else cause I know I don't like them anymore. Today, that person that I love? If we ever got apart I think I'd hurt like I'd been stabbed, sometimes I feel like I wouldn't be able to survive it yet I know it'll fail.

It truly feels like being stabbed or losing your breath once it hits that point. It's awful.

 

[Lysandre]

It truly feels like being stabbed or losing your breath once it hits that point. It's awful.

Once they told me they didn't like me the way I loved them and it felt physically painful like someone dipped my hand in boiling water, it was so strange

 

[tiredeyes]

Once they told me they didn't like me the way I loved them and it felt physically painful like someone dipped my hand in boiling water, it was so strange

just imagining that hurts :,) Then people will go around calling you over dramatic and sensitive. For me it's like someone crushing my chest and hurting me in random places throughout the body.

 

[snowcloud9]

BPD as in bipolar, or borderline personality disorder?

 

[Seered Doom]

BPD as in bipolar, or borderline personality disorder?

Borderline Personality Disorder

 

[pole]

i got over it by finally putting myself first and deciding that i do not want to deal with people anymore.

I became tired of what comes with having close relationships and dealing with people. begging to be loved, heard, and understood. instead, constantly being used, treated like a doormat, and being an achor for others who use you to build themselves back up, only to leave you in the end. never did i once feel someone reciprocate the patience and understanding i had for them.

cut off all my friendships, stopped speaking to others, and have made it a goal to stay alone. 4 years later, it's painful at times, but i feel better, at peace, and have grown comfortable being alone. better for them as well since my CTB is inevitable and the detachment will help alleviate the impact that my passing has on them.

it's better to keep people at a distance and not let anyone in. you learn the importance of protecting your sanity the hard way.

 

[verybabybunny]

The older I get the worse it gets. Of course as one user said there's the option of not ever forming relationships again. That's a thought, but, why would I willingly stay alive like that?

 

[Pancake]

With that said...my question to everyone is did you really get over the people who left? Would it be selfish to commit because of the pain people have done by leaving?

No, I still feel very lonely and I miss them lots.

 

[tiredeyes]

The older I get the worse it gets. Of course as one user said there's the option of not ever forming relationships again. That's a thought, but, why would I willingly stay alive like that?

Agreed, its just as awful just a bit less chaotic and more lonely. But ya like someone said it's either be super miserable or be a little less miserable.

 

[inmyhead]

Still incredibly isolating. Chronic emptiness. I am exhausted

 

[jbear824]

No, I have not gotten over it or she's out of it. Some aspects of the BPD have lessened, like the transient paranoia. But my fear of abandonment is still going very strong. With seemingly no end in sight.