Discussion "You will get through this."

[MarsProxy]

Does anyone else find comments like that frustrating to hear? I get that the intentions are supposed to be caring, but I've been getting it for a few days now and I'm getting kinda sick of it.. :/

 

[Anonymoususer1234]

I find it frustrating to hear from other people. Maybe because I feel like nobody really knows me well enough for that sort of thing. But funnily enough I repeat the phase to myself all the time.

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

People who say that usually mean well, but it can definitely feel annoying and dismissive to hear, especially if the person saying it doesn't show any interest in what's going on with you.

"You will get through this" is a bit of a generic cheer, really. A way to express support, but without commitment. Sort of like the people who wished Caius Gracchus good luck as he fled the angry mob, but refused to offer him a horse or any help because he was an enemy of the Roman state and they didn't want to get involved in that mess. The truth is that people in general don't know what to say or do when someone is going through a difficult time, especially if it's something they have no experience with. The feel the need to be supportive but, not knowing how to deal with a person in distress, they offer a safe, generic phrase of encouragement. If you're on the receiving end of that generic encouragement, of course it begins to feel grating after the third or fourth time you hear it.

 

[viljalauss]

it's caring enough but my gut reaction is recognising and/or asserting that there's nothing hard at all i'm going through to warrant them saying that. and also just that i am tired. i don't want to get through anything, i want to rest

 

[get.some.sleep]

I hate that but my all time favorite is "there are a lot of people who have it a lot worse than you do" or "a lot of people would kill to have your life." Like cool, kill me and you can have it.

 

[MarsProxy]

I hate that but my all time favorite is "there are a lot of people who have it a lot worse than you do" or "a lot of people would kill to have your life." Like cool, kill me and you can have it.

These are sorta my thoughts now. I don't want to have this life anymore without my partner.

 

[get.some.sleep]

These are sorta my thoughts now. I don't want to have this life anymore without my partner.

That's how I feel too. There's a hole in my heart shaped like her and nothing else can fill it. I just go through the motions and nothing brings me joy anymore. I miss my person so fucking much.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

It's bad advice. When someone talks about their struggles and the response is "you will get through this," or similar statements like "you can do it," or "don't give up," that more often translates in a depressed person's head as "I don't think your problems are serious enough to warrant intervention or support, figure it out yourself." If someone is telling you their struggles then it's probably because they wanted to reach out in the first place. At that point I'd rather people say, "sorry I don't know how to help" because at least that's honest.

When I struggled, people telling me to "just get through this" didn't help and only made me feel like I should blame myself for my talking about it in the first place. Meanwhile, actually pursuing tangible support helped, but I could only do that myself as an adult. If only people took my problems seriously enough as a child (instead of telling me to "just get through this"), maybe I could have gotten the treatment I needed before the problem got worse. I could have avoided a lot of unnecessary suffering.

 

[Melly]

"I'm here for you, we'll get through this" is infinitely better. Shoutout to those who said it and who meant it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I don't like it either because it actually says what it means- as in- it's YOU and you alone who are going to have to live through this. Basically- 1.) You have no choice but to try and scramble through this and 2.) You are going to have to do it on your own.

Also- it points out the obvious. If we remain alive- of course we'll get through whatever it is but- it doesn't take into account how we'll come out the other end! Depends what the situation is but if it's that bad- it's unlikely we're going to come out unscathed. Some things I doubt we ever truly 'get over' if they were that traumatic. We may 'get through' a period of sickness with a loved one say but if it ends because they died- that's hardly closure!

 

[PairOfAirJordan1’s]

I think sayings like this and "it gets better" certainly mean well, but they imply that things will just magically get better, and that's not how it works, effort is needed.

 

[slowlyrotting]

I find it frustrating too. It feels more like a cop out for people to not help. "You'll get through this." "You'll figure it out." "Everything happens for a reason." And what if I can't get through it? What if it doesn't get better? It feels like another way to be told "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps." which isn't helpful.